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One-Liner Jokes

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“I lift weights only on Saturday and Sunday because Monday to Friday are weak days.”
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One-Liner Jokes Monday jokes Friday jokes
Два домата Gehen 2 Tomaten über die Straße. Plötzlich kommt ein Auto. Da sagt die eine Tomate zur anderen: "Komm Ketchup, wir gehen weiter." Deux tomates traversent la rue, une des deux se fait écraser et l'autre dit « Alors tu viens, Ketchup ». Era una vez un tomatito y una tomatita y iban caminando por la calle. Venía pasando un carro y atropelló al tomatito. La tomatita le preguntó al tomatito: ¿Qué te hicieron? Y dice el tomatito: Ketchup Kaksi tomaattia kävelee tiellä. Toinen jää auton alle ja ehjänä säilynyt ilkkuu: “Mitä ketsuppi?” Jdou tři rajčata, táta rajče, máma rajče a syn rajče. Syn rajče se loudá někde vzadu, a tak se pro něj táta rajče vrátí. Vrazí synovi facku a povídá: „Pro příště si pamatuj, že se máš držet těsně... Iban pasando por la calle dos tomatitos y atropellan a uno y el otro le dice que te hicieron catsup Idą dwa pomidory przez jezdnię. Jednego przejechało, a drugi mówi do niego: - Wstawaj ketchup, idziemy dalej. Det var en gång två tomater som var ute och gick. Dem skulle gå över en väg då det kom en bil körande. Den ena tomaten blev överkörd. Då så sa den andra tomaten: - Kom nu ketchup så går vi. En gång när 2 st tomater skulle gå över vägen så blev ena överkörd av en bil. Då sa den andre. - Kom nu ketchup! Två tomater gick över gatan, den ena blev över körd och då sa den andra: - Kom nu ketchup!!! ¿ Sabes como estornudan los tomates? Ketchup ,ketchup xD Bija divi lielie tomāti un viens tomātiņš Viņi gāja pāri ielai un Mazo tomātiņu nobrauca un Tonātiņa mamma teica pasteidzies kečupiņ! Kaksi tomaattia käveli suojatien yli, toinen jäi auton alle ja toinen huusi tulehan jo ketsuppi. Lähde: Äitin kaveri Idu dvije rajcice ulicom jednu zgazi auto, druga vice ketchap 2 Rajčice Hodaju Po Cesti Jednu Zgazi Auto. Druga Kaže Ketchup! C'est deux tomates qui veulent traverser une route. La première passe mais la deuxième se fait écraser. La tomate qui est passée dit a l'autre :  « Tu viens Ketchup? » There were three tomatoes: a mum, a dad and a son. The son lagged behind and fell splat on the floor. His dad yelled to him, "Ketchup, son."
A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!"
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One-Liner Jokes
Two psychiatrists were walking down a hall.
One turned to the other and said, "Hello."
The other one thought, "I wonder what he meant by that."
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One-Liner Jokes Psychology and Psychiatry Jokes
A blonde was driving down the motorway when she read a sign saying, "Clean toilets ahead, 10 miles on the left."
She was really late for her appointment since there were 26 toilets to clean.
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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes
"I'm sorry, Bill," said the doctor, "there's simply nothing I can do for you. Your condition is hereditary."
"Oh," replied Bill, "in that case just send the bill to my parents."
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Parent Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes
When her husband returns home at two in the morning, the wife confronts him.
"I told you two beers and home by ten o’clock!"
The man replies, "I'm sorry honey, I must have gotten the two numbers mixed up."
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Marriage and Family Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes One-Liner Jokes Beer Jokes
Did you hear about the ancient Egyptian man that launched a successful stone quarry business?
Turns out it was a pyramid scheme all along.
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One-Liner Jokes
A donkey had an IQ of 186. He had no friends at all though...
Because even in the animal kingdom, nobody likes a smart-аss!
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One-Liner Jokes
There's an interesting new novel about two ex-convicts.
One of them studies to become a lawyer, the other decides to go straight.
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One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes
Q: What is a parrot's favorite game?
A: Hide and Speak!
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One-Liner Jokes Animal Jokes Communication Jokes Parrot jokes
I think the girl at the Airlines check-in just threatened me.
She looked me dead in the eye and said, “Window or aisle?”
I laughed in her face and replied, “Window or you’ll what?”
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One-Liner Jokes Aviation Jokes
That look on your face when you realize it's a Friday!
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One-Liner Jokes Friday jokes
Chuck Norris can speak Russian... In Chinese.
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Chuck Norris Jokes One-Liner Jokes
Everyone told Sam not to sing...
But Samsung anyway.
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One-Liner Jokes
A Dublin lawyer died in poverty, and many people donated to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling.
"Only a shilling?" said the Justice, "Only a shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go and bury twenty more of them."
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Funeral jokes Money jokes One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Boss Jokes
Учителят пита: "- Какво е най-смелото нещо, което е правил баща ви?", а Иванчо отговори: "Да се ожени за майка ми"
A teacher asked her class to write on "What's the bravest thing your dad has done?"
A student wrote... "My dad married my mom."
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One-Liner Jokes School Jokes
A blonde walks into a restaurant to get some lunch, and while she's deciding on what she wants a waitress comes up. The blonde looks up and notices the waitress's name tag on her shirt...
"Gee, that's nice. What did you name the other one?"
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One-Liner Jokes Blonde Jokes Restaurant Jokes
I have one cup of coffee every morning to start the day off right...
The other ones are to keep me out of jail, help me form sentences, and fuel my razor sharp wit!
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One-Liner Jokes Coffee Jokes
A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the cars were leaving.
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One-Liner Jokes Blonde Jokes Police Officer Jokes
Boss - Do you think you can come in on Saturday? I know you enjoy your weekends but I need you here.
Me - Yeah, no problem. I'll probably be late though as public transport on weekends is slow.
Boss - What time will you get here?
Me - Monday.
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One-Liner Jokes Monday jokes Boss Jokes
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