Sailor Jokes

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There is this third grade class with this kid named Rotten Reggie in it.
One day, the teacher decides that she will ask the class one question every Friday and the student who gets it right can stay home from school on Monday. The whole class thinks this is a great idea - especially Reggie. On the first Friday, the teacher asks the kids how many buckets of sand are in the deserts of Egypt. No one knows and the kids are very рissеd off. The next Friday, the teacher asks who was the first sailor to sail arround the world. No one knows again. Rotten Reggie is getting real рissеd off now, so he goes home and spray paints two golf ваlls black. The next Friday right when the teacher says it is time for the question, Reggie rolls the two ваlls to the front of the room. The teacher picks the ваlls up.
"All right, who is the comedian with two black ваlls?"
"Eddie Murphy! See ya on Tuesday!"
Sports Jokes School Jokes Sailor Jokes
On the day of the Royal Wedding, Sofia was getting dressed, surrounded by all her family, and she suddenly realized she had forgotten to get any shoes.
Then her sister remembered that she had a pair of white shoes from her wedding so she lent them to Sofia for the day. Unfortunately, they were a bit too small and by the time the festivities were over Sofia's feet were in agony. When she and Edward withdrew to their room the only thing she could think of was getting her shoes off. The rest of the Royal Family crowded round the door to the bedroom and they heard roughly what they expected, grunts, straining noises and the occasional muffled scream. Eventually they heard Edward say ''God, that was tight.''
''There,'' whispered the Queen. ''I told you she was a virgin.''
Then, to their surprise, they heard Edward say. ''Right. Now for the other one.'' Followed by more grunting and straining and at last Edward said ''My God. That was even tighter.''
''That's my boy,'' said the Duke. ''Once a sailor, always a sailor.''
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After being out to sea for over a year, a sailor finally got a chance to go onto dry land. The first thing he wanted to do was visit a local whоrе house. When he arrived at one he asked the guy behind the counter if they had any whоrеs available, but the man told the sailor that had no whоrеs and all they had was a chicken. The sailor thought about it and figured what the hеll it had been ages since his last lay. He took the chicken up to a room where he tried for an hour to fuск the chicken but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't do it. After giving up the sailor left and would try again tomorrow. The next day he return only to find they had no whоrеs available again but they did have lеsвiаn show that he could watch in the back with other men. As he stood there watching he turned to man next to him and said," Man this is great."
To which the man replied,"Yeah but you should have been here yesterday some guy tried to fuск a chicken."
Dirty jokes Men jokes Sailor Jokes
A beautiful young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.
“You have so much to live for,” said the man. “I’m a sailor, and we’re off to Europe tomorrow, and I can stow you away on my ship. “I’ll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy.”
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Europe, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small, but comfortable, compartment in the hold.
From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until dawn.
Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
“What are you doing here?” asked the captain.
“I have an arrangement with one of the sailors,” she replied. “He brings food and I get a free trip to Europe .”
“I see,” the captain says.
Her conscience got the best of her and she added, “Plus, he’s sсrеwing me.”
“He certainly is,” replied the captain, “this is the Staten Island Ferry.”
Jokes about Women Food Jokes Men jokes Dating Jokes Europe and European Union Jokes Military Jokes Sailor Jokes
There once was a girl named Florence
Whose вrеаsтs were huge & immense.
One day, while playing soccer,
Out popped her left knocker,
And she kicked it right over the fence.
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There was a young man from Peru,
Who gave his dear sister a sсrеw.
He said with aplomb,
“You’re better then Mom!”
Said she, “That’s what Dad told me, too.”
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There once was a man from Van Isle
Who said jogging just wasn’t his style.
“I’ll get my workouts,” he said,
“At home, in my bed,”
“‘Cause my woman is as good as a mile!”
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There once was a sailor from Brighton
Who said to a lass, “You’re a tight one.”
She replied “‘Pon my soul,
You’re in the wrong hole!
There’s plenty of room in the right one.”
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A Scotsman who lived on the loch
Had holes down the length of his соск.
He could get an еrестiоn,
And play a selection
Of Johann Sebastian Bach.
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There once was a girl from Jamaica
Who got laid by a big alligator.
Now, nobody knew
The result of that sсrеw,
Because after he laid her, he ate her.
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There once was a girl from Mitchen
Who was scratching her тwат in the kitchen.
Her mother said, “Rose,
you’ve got сrавs I suppose.”
She said, “Yes and those fcukers are itchin’!”
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A newlywed couple from Goshen
Spent their honeymoon sailing the ocean.
In just 80 days,
They sсrеwеd 80 ways.
Imagine such fcukin’ devotion!
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There once was a fellow quite gingerie
Who tore holes in his sister’s best lingerie.
He slapped her behind
Then made up his mind
To add inсеsт to insult and injury.
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The mathematician Von Blecks
Derived the equation for sеx.
He found a good fcuk
Isn’t patience or luck
But a function of Y over X.
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There once was a girl named Maureen
Who was so remarkably lean.
So flat and compressed,
That her back touched her chest,
And sideways, she couldn’t be seen.
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There was a young fellow named Sweeney
Whose girl was a terrible meanie.
The hatch of her snatch
Had a catch that would latch
She could only be sсrеwеd by Houdini.
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There was a young тrоllор at Yale,
Who had verses tattooed on her tail;
And on her behind,
For the sake of the blind,
A duplicate version in Braille.
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