USA - Page 12

Teacher, "Martha, come to the blackboard and tell us on the world map where America is."
Martha point to America correctly.
Teacher, "Good. Now John, you tell us who discovered America"
John, "Martha just did"

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I love magicians. Who’s that guy in America who made those landmarks disappear? Oh right, yeah, Bin Laden.

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USA Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

If you think things are bad in America now……..
Just wait till Trump watches The Purge.

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USA Jokes Criminal Jokes

America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.

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USA Jokes

Don’t worry America.
Kanye West 2020 will fix everything.

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USA Jokes Political Jokes

Anyone really that surprised that USA’s first gold medal at the Rio Olympics involves shooting a gun?

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Sports Jokes USA Jokes

Nancy Pelosi - “I’ve decided to make a dessert, It’s called a USA downside up cake. I have to bake it before I read the recipe.”

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USA Jokes Political Jokes

Donald Trump is starting a petition to stop the sale of pre-shredded cheese.
He’s very serious about trying to make the USA grate again.

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USA Jokes Political Jokes

This Clown Craze has gone too far.
I mean think about it
Donald Trump President of America

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USA Jokes Political Jokes Donald Trump Jokes American Presidents Humor

Typical good start to the Ryder Cup from America -
Arnold Palmer, one under

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USA Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

America's First Law of Motion:
An object in motion tends to stay in motion, and an object tends to stay at rest, unless an external force acts upon the object.
Meaning
America tends to go its way unless acted upon by Osama.
America's Second Law of Motion:
The acceleration of a body is proportional to the force applied on it.
Meaning
The number of sleeping pills an American takes is directly proportional to the number of video tapes Osama releases.
America's Third Law of Motion:
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Meaning
For every death of an American, there is a death of an afghan.

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USA Jokes Political Jokes

Flights with Aer Lingus to USA from Dublin for £50.
Use of the toilet £300.

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USA Jokes Aviation Jokes

When interviewers asked USA presidential candidate Gary (“Aleppo”) Johnson to find Syria on a map, he showed them a piece of sandpaper.

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USA Jokes Political Jokes

Mexico’s president has cancelled his trip to America to visit Trump.
The wall isn’t even built yet and it’s already keeping one out.

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USA Jokes Political Jokes

An Irishman goes into a bar in America and orders three whiskeys. The barman asks:
“Would it be better for if I put all three shots in one glass?” …
…
The Irishman replies:
“No! I have two other brothers back home in County Cork, so every time I come into a pub, I order a shot for them both.”
The following week, the Irishman orders just two whiskeys.
The barman asks:
“Did something happen one of your brothers?”
“Oh no,” replies the Irishman. “Me New Year’s resolution was to quit drinking!”

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USA Jokes Irish jokes

So, Donald Trump has chosen Mickey Pence as his vice-president….
…. Not even Walt Disney could’ve imagined that one day Mickey and Donald would be running America!!

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USA Jokes Political Jokes

On a scale of North Korea to America, how free are you tonight?

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USA Jokes Political Jokes

For the record USA….
Today is 9/11.

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USA Jokes Political Jokes

I was reading about former baseball stars in America, and apparently Lou Gehrig died of Lou Gehrig’s disease.
What are the odds?

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USA Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Mother: Who do you like more, me or your dad.
Liam: I like you both.
Mother: Ok, if I go to america and your dad goes to paris, where will you go
Liam: I will go to paris.
Mother: That’s means you like dad more
Liam: No, its because i like paris
Mother: Ok, fine, if I go to paris and your dad goes to america, where will you go.
Liam: I will go to America.
Mother: Why
Liam: Because I have already gone to paris.

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USA Jokes