USA - Page 11

T here was a Japanese guy who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport.
During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the Japanese leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, “Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!”
After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, “Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!”
And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, “Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!”
The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was US$300.
The Japanese exclaimed, “Wah… so expensive!”
Thereupon, the driver yelled back, “Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!”

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There are a lot of folks who can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in America. Well, there's a very simple answer. Nobody bothered to check the oil.
We just didn't know we were getting low. The reason for that is purely geographical.
All our oil is in Alaska, Texas, California, and Oklahoma...
All our dipsticks are in Washington, DC!

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USA Jokes

America’s policy of shooting first and asking questions later has always been their downfall.
I mean, just think how useful King Kong could have been on September the 11th.

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USA Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

It's time for the employees of my local video store and the rest of the citizenry of the United States of America to recognize who I am -- I'm Jеrк-Happy Bob.

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Dirty jokes USA Jokes

Yo mum so fат when captain America threw his shield it never came back

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USA Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes

Me; what are the 3 most used in america??
Friend; I Love You??
Me; no... Made in China

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USA Jokes Friendship Jokes

A Canadian, an American, and a Mexican were on a North American transcontinental flight. The Canadian stuck his hand out of the plane, and said,
"We have reached Canada." The others asked,
"How do you know?" The Canadian responded, "Because I have just touched the tip of the CN tower." A couple hours later, the American sticks his hand out of the plane and said,
"We have reached the USA." The rest asked,
"How do you know?" The american replied, "Because I have just touched the tip of the Empire State Building." Another couple of hours passed and the Mexican said,
"We have just reached Mexico." The American and Canadian asked,
"How do you know?" The Mexican answered, "Because when I stuck my hand out the window someone stole my watch."

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USA Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

At a local college there was a dance. A guy from America asked a girl from Sweden to dance.
While they were dancing he gives her a little squeeze and says, “In America we call this a hug.”
She says, “Yaah, in Sweden, we call it a hug too.”
A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek and says, “In America we call this a kiss.”
She says, “Yaah, in Sweden we call it a kiss too.”
Later that evening after quite a few drinks, he takes her out on the campus lawn and proceeds to have sеx with her and says, “In America we call this a grass sandwich.”
She says, “Yaaah, in Sweden we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it.”

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USA Jokes Sex Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

An example of the new America: A brother and sister were driving to a couple stores and the conversation of buying things they needed came up. As they were talking, the sister mentioned that she needed to get a new car. The brother said, “Well, you have a college degree now, so you can go get the job that pays you more." The sister, who made between 10 and 11 dollars an hour said, “I already got the job that my college degree will get me. Now what?”

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Office and Work Jokes USA Jokes

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell “crocodile?”
Glenn:
“K-r-o-k-o-d-i-a-l”
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
GLENN: Maybe it’s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.

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Insult Jokes USA Jokes Math Jokes

A man walks up to a cashier in a grocery store. He says,
"Hey, how much for these jalapeño peppers?" He pronounces it "jo-la-pen-o", not "hо-lo-peen-yo".
The cashier says,
"Sir, that's not what those peppers are called."
The man replies,
"Listen, buddy, this is America, and I can pronounce any word the way I please." The cashier responds, "That is as may be, sir, but those are green peppers."

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Men jokes USA Jokes

What’s the difference between the USA and a bird? ….
On a bird, the left wing and right wing work together for the benefit of the whole bird.

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Office and Work Jokes USA Jokes Political Jokes

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

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USA Jokes

A new scientific study has found that Americans are the fattest group of people on the planet. Chasing the ‘American Dream’ does not count as exercise America.

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USA Jokes

Earth without "art" is just "eh". And The United States of America without "heunedtatesam" is just "Тiтs of Erica".

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USA Jokes Boob Jokes

In America its called the big ваng theory, in england they call it Jeremy Kyle.

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USA Jokes

Only on America do we accept weather predictions from a rodent but deny climate change evidence from scientists.

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USA Jokes

Teacher: Class, who can go to the board and show us the map of the North America?
George: Yes, ma'am.
Teacher: Okay George.
George: Here is the map of North America.
Teacher: Class, who discovered North America?
Class: George!

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USA Jokes

Only in America do we chain $2.00 ink pens to the counter but leave our $58,000 cars out in the driveway.

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USA Jokes

Trust America to name a State after a bucket of fried chicken.

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USA Jokes Stupid Jokes