USA - Page 10

Black Friday: Because only in America, people trample over others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.

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USA Jokes

Three Chinese named Chu, Bu, and Fu went to America. Upon reaching there they decided to Americanize their names.
So Chu became Chuck, Bu became Buck… and Fu decided to return to China.

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USA Jokes

Do you guys know that to hang out with you, we pretend we understand football? Do you know that faking football has replaced faking the оrgаsм in America?

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Dirty jokes USA Jokes

AMERICA: The only country that used a Goverment shut down to solve its problems.

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USA Jokes One-Liner Jokes

In America, they say it's 10:00 do you know where your children are?

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Insult Jokes USA Jokes

I’m Tired!
Yes, I’m tired. For several years I’ve been blaming it on getting older, lack of sleep, weekend projects, stale office air, poor nutrition, carrying extra pounds, raising a family, recent colds, and a dozen other reasons that make you wonder why life is getting rough. .
But now I found out what’s really happening! I’m tired because I’m overworked. The population of the USA reached 300 million last October. 79 million of the populations are retired. That leaves 221 million to do the work. There are 19 million toddlers and 76 million students in schools, which leave 126 million to do the work. Of that total, 21 million are unemployed leaving 105 million to do the work.
Then you take away 34 million in hospitals and that leaves 71 million to do the work. 43 million are in prisons and that’s 28 million left to do the work. Now take away 14,683,468 federal, 5,344,722 state and 5,370,743 city workers who run our government and you’re left with 2,601,067 to do the work. Take away the 2,601,065 people in the armed forces and that leaves just two people to do the work - You and Me! And you’re just sitting there reading this!
No wonder I’m tired!!!

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes USA Jokes

America where we celebrate Memorial Day with mattress sales.

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Money jokes USA Jokes

I have solved America's gun сriме issue. I said to my American friend:
"Why don't you solve your мurdеr problem by getting rid of all guns?"
He said:
"Yo dude, guns don't кill people. People кill people." Well there you have it. Just get rid of all americans.

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USA Jokes Friendship Jokes

Everyone's got their own beliefs on this. It's America; you're entitled to your belief. My belief is that life begins when you start minding your own business.

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God Jokes USA Jokes

The Smiths were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower and their descendants included senators and Wall Street wizards.
They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their children and grandchildren. They hired a fine author. Only one problem arose, how to handle great-uncle George, the criminal, who was executed in the electric chair.
The author said he could handle the story tactfully.
The book appeared. It said,
"Great-uncle George occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution, was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his death came as a great shock."

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Marriage and Family Jokes USA Jokes

World: We’re gonna use the scale where 0° is freezing and 100° is boiling.
America: Cool, we’re gonna use the one that doesn’t make sense.

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USA Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

O nce upon a time. Little Red Riding Hood’s mother (being concerned about the increase in violence in rural America) gave Little Red a .45 caliber gun for protection. Little Red kept this gun in her basket.
One summer day while on the way to her grandmothers house, a big bad wolf jumped out from behind a tree and howled “I’m going to fсuк your brains out!” Little Red pulled out her gun from the basket and calmly replied:
“Oh no you’re not, you’re going to eat me like the story says.”

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USA Jokes Sex Jokes

When your Asian friend has been in America too long, they start to make fun of Asian people.
Me: Dude Pearl Harbor was a good аss movie
Asian friend: fuск Japan! Fuск their families! They can all die in hеll! They look like they ate too many sour candies! Rice picking mudah f*ckah.
P. S. Im not lying, he said that

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Marriage and Family Jokes USA Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Friendship Jokes

A U. S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans in a row boat rowing towards California. The captain gets on the loud-hailer and shouts, "Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?"
One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and replies,
"We are invading the United States of America to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800s."
The entire crew of the destroyer doubled-over in laughter. When the captain was finally able to catch his breath, he gets back on the loud-hailer and asks, "Just the four of you?"
The same Mexican stands up again and shouts, "No, we're the last four. The rest are already there!"

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USA Jokes

I’m thinking of starting a new business. Because of the high tax rate here in the USA I have decided to explore abroad.
Unfortunately, it’s mid-week at my local watering-hole and female patronage is rather low so I will have to wait to do my exploring on Friday and Saturday night.

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Jokes about Women USA Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A man tried to sell his neighbor a new dog. “This is a talking dog,” he said. “And you can have him for five dollars.” The neighbor said, “Who do you think you’re kidding with this talking dog stuff? There ain’t no such animal.” Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes. “Please buy me, Sir,” he pleaded. “This man is cruel. He never buys me a meal, never bathes me,never takes me for a walk. And I used to be the richest trick dog in America. I performed before kings. I was in the army and was decorated ten times.”
“Hey!” said the neighbor. “He can talk. Why do you want to sell him for just five dollars?”
“Because,” said the seller, “I’m getting tired of all his lies.”

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Animal Jokes Men jokes USA Jokes

Look, I understand you can't smoke cigarettes in a hospital room -- I understand that: it's bad for you, blah blah blah. But, America, we're beginning to make it illegal in bars! I mean, who is concerned about their health in a bar? Exactly what's the complaint on this one? 'Excuse me, Mr. Bartender-Man, I am trying to get drunк so I can drive home and have unprotected sеx with some sкаnк I just met tonight -- this guy's blowing smoke in my face. And some more deep-fried cheese, when you get a chance.'

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes USA Jokes Sex Jokes

Kanye West recently gave his wife, Kim Kardashian, a massive second diamond engagement ring.
Kim said, “Wow, thank you so much.”
While every married guy in America said, “Yeah, thanks A LOT Kanye!”

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Marriage and Family Jokes USA Jokes

It's America, not a load of laundry -- no need to separate the white and the colors.

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Marriage and Family Jokes USA Jokes

An blond went into a pet shop and asked the owner if he had any parrots.
The owner replied, “Sorry, I don’t have any at the moment.”
“Dамn and blast!” said the blonde, “I have been invited to a fancy dress party for the first time in my life and I want to go as a Pirate, and I have been told to be as authentic as possible, hence the need for the parrot explained the Blond.
“Well” said the owner, “if you come back here next week, specifically on Thursday, I am expecting a shipment from South America and I’ll be able to supply you with a parrot, guaranteed,”
“Dамn and blast!” said the blonde, “I can’t come on that day or for some time after.”
“Why not?” Asked the owner.
“Because that is the day I’m having my leg amputated!

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Blonde Jokes USA Jokes