Jokes about Women

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An extremely ugly woman goes to her plastic surgeon, after hearing about a revolutionary new treatment. The doctor sees this hideous woman and feeling pity, agrees to perform the surgery.
Following the operation, she wakes up and looks in the mirror. She’s disappointed when she sees that she’s only slightly better looking.
“I thought I’d be beautiful!” she cried disappointedly…
“Your treatment isn’t finished yet, it’ll take time” said the doctor. “Feel the back of your head. There’s a small sсrеw there I placed during the surgery, which I’ve already turned a half-turn. Every week, I want you to turn it a half-turn, no more. You’ll find that you’ll get better looking every week. I’ll see you in 3 months.”
The woman goes home, sceptical, but for the first 2 weeks does exactly what the doctor told her. Week by week, she is amazed to find that she is actually getting better looking. Excited, she decides that she is going to step up her treatment. For the third week, she decides that she is going to turn the sсrеw a full-turn every day. Throughout the week, she transforms into a beautiful woman. But suddenly, she is horrified to wake up one morning with large lumps under her eyes. Horrified, she runs back to the doctor.
“Oh no!” the doctor cried when he saw her. “Did you follow my instructions EXACTLY?”
“I did for the first 2 weeks, but then my excitement got the better of me” she replied, as she admitted what she had done.
“You idiот!” the doctor said. “The sсrеw was there to slowly pull your skin up and tight SLOWLY. You’ve gone way too fast! Those lumps under your eyes are your вrеаsтs that you’ve pulled up!”
“Oh… well that explains the goatee then.”
Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes
Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes
A woman sent her son to get a tin of beans from the store. The boy went and found nobody at the store except the shopkeeper who was up the ladder filling up his shelves.
'Give me a tin of beans for my mother,' said the boy.
The keeper, from up there told him:
'Wait in the line.'
The boy looked around and saw nobody so he said again:
'Give me a tin of beans for my mum.'
The keeper said again:
'I told wait for your turn.'
The boy asked for the third time for the tin of beans.
'Can you see how many people there are before you? I said wait for your turn!'
The boy, who realizes he was being taken for ride, reached for a tin of peas from the lowest shelf and through it at the shopkeeper, hitting him in his forehead.
The Shopkeeper came down bleeding all over and said to the boy:
'See what you have done? You broke my head.'
'Good grief, of all these people you picked up on me?' said the boy and ran away home.
Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes
Why do men die first? This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but, now we know. It requires a bit of explanation.
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you’re a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you’re a раnsy.
If you work too hard, there’s never any time for her.
If you don’t work enough, you’re a good-for-nothing вuм.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favouritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, its equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, its sеxuаl harassment. If you keep quiet, its male indifference.
If you cry, you’re a wimp. If you don’t, you’re an insensitive ваsтаrd.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you’re a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she’s a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn’t enjoy, that’s dомinатiоn. If SHE asks you, it’s a favour.
If you appreciate the female form and sеxy underwear, you’re a pervert. If you don’t, you’re gаy.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you’re sexist. If you don’t, you’re unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you’re vain. If you don’t, you’re a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you’re after something. If you don’t, you’re not thoughtful.
If you’re proud of your achievements, you’re full of yourself. If you don’t, you’re not ambitious.
If she has a headache, she’s tired. If you have a headache, you don’t love her anymore.
If you want it too often, you’re oversexed. If you don’t, there must be someone else.
Why do men die first?
Because they want to!
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