Women - Page 158

What do coffee beans and woman have in common?
They’re both useless until their wet.

0 0

To a woman, sеxuаl harassment is when a man makes advances towards her. Now, if a woman makes advances towards a man, we call that getting lucky.

0 0

Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Men jokes

Three women were sitting around talking about their sеx lives.
The first said, “I think my husband’s like a championship golfer. He’s spent the last ten years perfecting his sтrоке.”
The second woman said, “My husband’s like the winner of the Indy 500. Every time we get into bed he is good for several hundred exciting laps.”
The third woman was silent until she was asked, “Tell us about your husband.”
She thought for a moment and said, “My husband’s like an Olympic gold-medal-winning quarter-miler.”
“How so?”
“He’s got his time down to under 40 seconds.”

0 0

Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

A young woman, watching her brother get dressed for a stag smoker asks, “What exactly is a stag smoker?”
“Hey,” says her brother, “It’s exclusively for men. Women couldn’t understand or appreciate the significance. It’s a secret.”
Curiosity gets the best of her and she decides to crash the smoker to see for herself what it’s all about - Men only, indeed!! She wraps a towel very tightly around her вrеаsтs, dresses in some of her brothers clothes, shirt, tie, pants and jacket. Being a little concerned about the bulge her вrеаsтs make through the jacket, she decides that if anyone mentions it she’d simply say that she was deformed.
After putting on a fake mustache and covering her hair with a hat she leaves for the smoker. As she boards a bus, the driver stares at her strangely.
“Hey, pal, Are you OK?” the bus driver asks.
The young lady responds, “Oh, yeah, I’m just a little deformed.”
“I guess the hеll you are,” says the bus driver, “your fly is open and your аsshоlе is showing!”

0 0

Jokes about Women Men jokes

He actually said this to me; he's like, 'Hey man, you got to be careful. There's a lot of women that have an Asian fetish.'
'Well, what do you mean?'
'They'll have sеx with you just 'cause you're Asian. Aren't you offended?' Uh, I'll be offended after my оrgаsм.

0 0

Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

What is the closest thing to a woman’s period?
Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5-7 days and if it doesn’t You are FUСКЕD…

0 0

Jokes about Women

We all know that every man's fantasy is to have a тhrееsоме. That's every guy's fantasy. Yeah, great -- instead of one woman I can't satisfy, now I have two.

0 0

Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Men jokes

I love watching women’s heavyweight boxing.
It’s hilarious to see them fight back tears when the announcer tells everyone their weight.

0 0

Jokes about Women Sports Jokes

A woman who ran to the mall for a quick errand lost her purse, but an honest teenage boy returned it to her.
The woman looked inside her purse and remarked, "That's strange. Earlier I had a $20 bill inside, but now it's gone, and instead I see two fives and a ten."
"That's right," the boy explained. "The last time I found a lady's purse, she did not have change for a reward."

0 0

Jokes about Women

A man says to a woman,
If you hold a diamond and look in the mirror,you would be looking at two of the most beautiful things in the world.

0 0

Jokes about Women Pick-Up Lines Jokes Men jokes

I was on my way to a fancy dress party the other night when I spotted a woman being rареd.
As I stood there watching her get rареd, the woman screamed “why aren’t you doing something?”
“Because this is just a costume love, I’m not really batman.”

0 0

Jokes about Women Criminal Jokes

Women deserve equal rights.
And lefts.

0 0

Jokes about Women Criminal Jokes

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall.
‘Big breaths,’. . . I instructed.
‘Yes, they used to be,’. . . replied the patient.

0 0

Jokes about Women Disability Jokes

A woman went to her dentist to have her dentures adjusted for the fifth time.
She said they still didn’t fit. “Well,” said the dentist “I’ll do it again this time, but no more. There’s no reason why these shouldn’t fit your mouth easily.”
“Who said anything about my mouth?” he woman answered.
“They don’t fit in the glass!”

0 0

Jokes about Women Old People Jokes

When it comes to strength, who is stronger a man or a woman? Well when I think of it, a man beats on his diск when he is mastrubating and a woman only rubs. So a man is stronger.

0 0

Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Men jokes

A rather scruffy-looking man came into a bank. Reaching the head of the line, he said to the teller, "I wanna open a dамn checking account."
"Certainly, sir," answered the teller, "but there's no need to use that kind of language."
"Could you move it along man? I just wanna open a dамn checking account," growled the would-be customer.
"I'll be glad to be of service, sir," said the teller, flushing slightly, "but I would appreciate not being spoken to in that way."
"What the hеll? Just let me open a dамn checking account, okay?"
"I'm afraid I'm going to have to speak to the branch manager," said the annoyed teller, slipping off his stool and returning shortly with a woman who asked how she could be of service.
"Неll, I just won the TEN MILLION DOLLAR lottery," snarled the man, "and all I wanna do is open a dамn checking account."
"I see," said the manager sympathetically. "And this МОRОN is giving you trouble?"

0 0

Jokes about Women Men jokes Business jokes

You know you’ve hit rock bottom when you ask out a blind woman and she tells you she’s seeing someone.

0 0

Jokes about Women Disability Jokes

Imagine how much fun women in burkas have tagging each other on Facebook.

0 0

Jokes about Women Facebook Jokes Internet Jokes

Two women, who are dog owners, are arguing which dog is smarter.
First woman: My dog is so smart. Every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around and then he takes a newspaper and brings it to me.
Second woman: I know.
First one: How?
Second one: My dog told me.

0 0

Jokes about Women

At a nursing home a group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments. “My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,” said one.
“Yes, I know,” said another. “My cataracts are so bad I can’t even see my coffee.”
“I couldn’t even mark an ‘X’ at election time, my hands are so crippled,”volunteered a third.
“What? Speak up! What? I can’t hear you! said a fourth.
“I can’t turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck,” said a fifth, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.
“My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy I can hardly walk!” exclaimed another.
“I forget where I am, and where I’m going,” said an elderly gent.
“I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old,” winced an old man as he slowly shook his head. The others nodded in agreement.
“Well, count your blessings,” said one woman cheerfully, “thankfully, we can all still drive.”

0 0

Jokes about Women Men jokes Old People Jokes