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Women - Page 100
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Florida’s Fugaway Indian Tribe (Short History of How they Got Their Name.)
The Fugaways (pronounced fuh-gah-weyz) were an Indian tribe who resided in central Florida and there is a legend as to how they got their tribal name. It is rumored that sometimes they got lost while hunting in the Florida forests and the swamps and wilderness.
Well, one afternoon, after the chief and his braves had been hunting all day, it was time to head back to camp. But where was camp? The territory they were in seemed foreign. The Chief led his band of warriors south a-ways … nothing. The chief led them west… just more wilderness.
Evening was coming and the chief didn’t want to look foolish in front of his braves who were веnт over carrying all the deer, turkey and alligator meat from the day’s hunt. Then wonder of wonders… a high hill! The chief took out his map and motioned to the braves to follow him up the hill. There was some grumbling, as their backpacks were heavy but they all climbed the hill.
The chief looked north: nothing but forest.
He looked east: no sign of wigwams or the Indian women tending the babies.
The chief looked south: no curls of smoke from the campfires.
He turned west: Just a vast swamp with alligators and large snakes.
Once again he looked at his map in frustration, then looked heavenward and raised his fists to the sky. Then he beat on his chest, yelling, “WE’RE THE FUGAWAY?!!”
Now if you’re re-telling this to an audience, the punch line sounds the best if you actually flail your fists on your chest to create a vibrato effect to your voice…
BTW, Historians haven’t told us if the chief and braves finally found their way back to camp, but they must have, or this little anecdote of history would never have been recorded.
Anybody get a random вiтсh phone call? Oh, you know what I mean. The women that found the phone number, then call it. This woman called me up, talking about, 'Look, I don't know who you is, but I found your phone number in my man's pocket. And you better not be fooling around with my man.' So I said, 'Honey, I don't know who you is either, but I'm gonna give you a little woman-to-woman advice. If you're having a problem in your relationship -- you think your man is cheating on you -- that's something you need to talk over with your man...' So I woke him up, gave him the phone and let her talk to him.
There is a book called Disorder in the Court. These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
Some of these are excellent ...
What is your date of birth?
July fifteenth.
What year?
Every year.
What gear were you in at the moment of the accident?
Gucci sweatshirt and Reeboks.
So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
Yes.
And what were you doing at that time?
She had three children, right?
Yes.
How many were boys?
None.
Were there any girls?
How was your first marriage terminated?
By death.
By whose death was it terminated?
Can you describe the individual?
He was about medium height and had a beard.
Was this a male, or a female?
Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
All your responses must be оrаl, OK? What school did you go to?
Oral.
Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
The autopsy started around 8:30 p. M.
And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him.
What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
He said,
"Where am I, Cathy?"
And why did that upset you?
My name is Susan.
Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
No.
Did you check for blood pressure?
No.
Did you check for breathing?
No.
So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
No.
How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere
A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, “Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.”The biker pulled over and said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.” God replied, “I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things and the work needed is just too intensive. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.” The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said,
“God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing’s wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.”
God replied:
“You want two lanes or four on that bridge…?”
Pleasure ….
…..
The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips, she sank into the comfort of the plush chair in the corner. The handsome stranger turned, having sensed her approach. Locking his steely gray eyes on hers, he moved slowly toward her, his experienced gaze measuring her, hypnotizing her with his soft murmurs of assurance. ….
….
He sank to his knees before her and without a word, smoothly released her from her constraining attire. With a sigh of surrender, she allowed his foreign hands to caress her bare flesh. He expertly guided his hands through her tender, often hidden territory, his movements deliberate, confident in his ability to satisfy her every need. Her senses swam.
She was overcome with an aching desire that had gone unfulfilled for so long. And, just as it seemed that ecstasy was within her grasp, he paused, and for one heart-stopping moment, she thought, “It’s too big!….. It will never fit!” Then, with a sudden rush, it slid into place as if it had been made only for her. As pleasure and contentment washed over her, she met his steady gaze, tears of gratitude shining in her eyes. And he knew it wouldn’t be long before she returned. Oh, yes, this woman would want more. She would want to do it again and again and again.
Because she loves shopping for shoes….