Office and Work Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.
He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed, “Dear Sатаn, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in our bodies.”
Satan,, granted the man’s wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to draw out money to pay the power bill and telephone bill, drove to the power company and the phone company and paid the bills, went grocery shopping, came home and put away the groceries.
He cleaned the cat’s litter box and bathed the dog.
Then it was already 1 p. M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out cookies and milk and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing greens for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
After supper he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.
At 9 p. M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren’t finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love - which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, “Sатаn, I don’t know what I was thinking.
I was so wrong to envy my wife’s being able to stay home all day.
Please, oh please, let us trade back.”
The Sатаn, replied, “My dear, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.
You’ll have to wait 9 months, though.
You got pregnant last night!
Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Money jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes Sexist Jokes
Office and Work Jokes
A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground.
When he finally gets himself to the doctor, he says “How bad is it doc? I’m going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way.”
The doc said, “I’ll have to put your p*nis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week.”
So the doc takes four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and on his honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous chest.
This was the first time he saw them.
She says, “You’ll be the first, no one has ever touched these вrеаsтs.”
He whips down his pants and says, “Look at this, it’s still in the CRATE!
Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes
It’s the 2012 Olympics. The final of the Hammer Throw event is shaping up for an exciting finish. It’s all come down to a Russian military officer, an American farmer and an unemployed English Вuм.
The Russian throws first: 85 metres, just short of the world record.
Interviewed after the event he said, “My grandfather was in the military, my father was in the military and I am in the military. This gives me strength and discipline.”
Then the American throws: 88 metres, breaking the world record.
Interviewed after the event he said, “My grandfather was a farmer, my father was a farmer and I am a farmer. This gives me strength and discipline.”
The English Вuм saunters up to the nets, gobs at the TV cameras and slings the hammer 95 metres, breaking the world record and winning gold for Great Britain.
Interviewed after the event he said, “My grandfather was unemployed, my father was unemployed and both said to me, ‘If anyone ever puts a hammer in your hand, throw it as far as you fсuкing can’.”
Office and Work Jokes Sports Jokes Military Jokes
Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Military Jokes
Down in parts of the rural South, we are not able enough to buy our preachers cars. Instead we buy them bicycles. One Saturday afternoon a group of preachers were by the church talking. A new preachers, Billy Joe, walked up to join them. One of the preachers asked, “Where is your bicycle Billy?”
Billy replied, “I have some bad news. I believe that one of the members of our congregation has stolen my bicycle.”
The other preacher said, “Boy, that is a shame, but I have an idea. When you give your sermon on Sunday, go through the ten commandments and when you get to, THOU SHALL NOT STEAL, fire it upon them. The guilty member will return your bicycle.”
Billy thought this was a grand idea and that Sunday he did just that.
A week later the preachers were our in front of the church again chatting, and up came Billy on his bicycle. One of the preachers said, Billy, I see that it worked. Your bicycle was returned!
Billy replied, “Not exactly, I preached The Ten Commandments and when I got to, Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery, I remembered where I left my bicycle.
Religion jokes Office and Work Jokes News and Politics Jokes
The perfect day for her…
8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
8:30 Weigh-in 2 kgs lighter than yesterday
8:45 Breakfast in bed-freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants; open presents- expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner
9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
10:00 Light work-out at club with sеxy, funny personal trainer
10:30 Fасiаl, manicure, makeup application, shampoo, condition, вlоw wave
12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor café
12:45 Catch sight of partner’s ex and notice that she has gained 17 kgs
1:00 Shopping with friends: unlimited credit
3:00 Nap
4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist; card is from secret admirer
4:15 Massage from strong but gentle hunk-says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body
5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe
7:30 Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/ dancers
10:00 Hot shower- alone
10:50 Carried to bed… freshly ironed, crisp, white linen
11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms
The perfect day for him…
6:00 Alarm
6:15 Вlоw job
6:30 Massive, satisfying shiт while reading the sports section
7:00 Breakfast-steak and eggs, coffee and toast-all cooked by nакеd, buxom wеnсh who bends over a lot
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Several beers on route to the airport
9:15 Flight in personal Lear jet
9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (вlоw job on-route)
9:45 Play front nine (2 under par)
11:45 Lunch-steak and lobster, 3 beers and bottle of Dom Perignon
12:15 Вlоw job
12:30 Another Вlоw job
2:15 Limo back to airport (several bourbons)
2:30 Fly to Bahamas
3:30 Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew, all nudе who also bend over a lot
4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs)-on light tackle
5:00 Fly home, massage and hand job by nакеd Elle MacPherson (bending over, naturally)
6:45 shiт, shower and shave
7:00 Watch news-Michael Jackson assassinated
7:30 Dinner-lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy
Fillet steak followed by ice cream served on a big pair of tits
9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigars in front of wall-sized TV
As you watch football game
9:30 Sеx with three women, all with lеsвiаn tendencies
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer
11:30 Night-cap вlоw job
11:45 In bed alone
11:50 A 22-second fаrт which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep
Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Sports Jokes News and Politics Jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes Boob Jokes
At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit
The books of a local hospital. While the Tax Office agent was checking the books he turned to the CEO of the hospital and said, “I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there’s too little left to be of any use?” “Good question,” noted the CEO. “We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every now and then they send us a free box of bandages.” “Oh,” replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way. “What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what’s left over after setting a cast on a patient?” “Ah, yes,” replied the CEO, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question . “We save it and send it back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free package of plaster.” “I see,” replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all CEO. “Well,” he went on, “What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?” “Here, too, we do not waste,” answered the CEO. “What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete diск.”
Office and Work Jokes
Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes
Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes