Facebook Jokes

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Facebook needs a “I’ll Drink To That” button

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Joke Cafe one liners.
Because we shouldn’t have to think up our own facebook statuses.

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I’ve just seen a girls Facebook status:
324562FF ……. Add me xxx
I fuскing will, your тiтs sound amazing xxx

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Well we just cut the Cable...
Facebook offers the Jerry Springer show, Dr. PhIL, Rachel Ray and Captain Kangaroo all on one channel -- Facebook -- gotta love it!!!

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If you’re sick and tired of every Аsshоlе on Facebook asking you to copy and paste stuff as your status, please copy and paste this as your status.

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The LIKE button: also for choosing sides in a Facebook argument without saying anything.

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You know you’re fсuкing ugly when your Facebook picture is a car…

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The good thing about Facebook is if someone gets on your nerves enough, you can make them cease to exist in your world and you don’t even have to hide a body.

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I was in the pub with my mate last night when he walked off to the toilet leaving his phone on the table.
As I was just about to update his Facebook status, it started ringing and I could see that it was my wife’s number.
“Hello?” I said, answering it.
“Hey sеxy,” she purred, “I’m currently маsтurватing on the bed and I want you to come here and fuск me.”
“You silly вiтсh,” I said, “Why didn’t you just ring my phone?”

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I think its my mom’s birthday. I should unblock her on facebook and check

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Half of Facebook is completely silent, the other half posts and shares wayyyyyy too much.

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Just seen Simon Cowell drowning in my local swimming pool so I saved him ……….. as my profile picture on facebook.

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Did you know people are getting paid to mention products in their Facebook statuses?
That’s as crazy as the discounts at Dave’s Furniture Emporium…

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Facebook, making people who would’nt talk in the street wish each other Happy Birthday since 2004.

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My wife was fuming when I untagged myself from some pictures she put on Facebook.
“They were totally embarrassing though,” I pleaded.
“Embarrassing?” she snapped. “It was our fuскing wedding day, you ваsтаrd!”

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I wonder how many people read my FaceBook statuses and say, “I hope he’s getting professional help”?

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“Batman, we need your help in Paris immediately.”
“Worry not, Commissioner, I’ve already changed my Facebook profile picture.”

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Facebook should make a вiggеr deal over privacy, certainly as far as photos are concerned.
I managed to find a really attractive girl I’d seen before, and without adding her, I could see all her photos, including some in a bikini.
I mean, she’s lucky it’s only me wanking and not some pervert.

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