Fitness jokes

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I just saw some idiот at the gym...
He put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill!

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The only exercise I have done this month... is running out of money.

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Strong people don't put other people down.
They lift them up and slam them to the ground for maximum impact.

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A colleague was planning a trip to my business office and asked if I could find him a hotel with exercise facilities. I called several hotels, with no luck. Finally, I thought I had found one.
I asked the receptionist if the hotel had a weight room.
"No," she replied, "but we have a lobby and you can wait there."

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I quit my gym this morning because one of the instructors started shouting at me:
"Come on man, you've got to want it! Come on push. You can do it."
I hate being disturbed when I'm having a dump.

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My six pack is protected by a layer of fат.

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At the gym:
Me: "What does this machine do?"
"Sir, that's a bench."
Me: "Perfect."

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Hi, I see that you're new to this gym, and I wanna be the first male to bother you.

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I wish this gym had a stationary bike built for two.

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I heard that the missionary position helps men to work out the chest and triceps... do you wanna help me verify this?

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If you really want to loosen your pectineus, you should skip the squats and let me stretch them out.

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How'd you like to go on a long romantic walk on the treadmill?

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I got stopped by a police officer on the way here.
He told me it was illegal to carry these guns in public.

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What do you call Santa Claus with muscles?
Mr. XMass

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This elliptical isn't the only thing getting my heart rate up.

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Most of the men and women at the gym are working towards the same goal:
The perfect female body.

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Girl, do you need to get your protein macros up?
Because I'd gladly put my meat inside you.

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There were two guys at a gym Dan and Mike who hit the showers after a hard morning workout.
Dan said to Mike "Hey! Have you heard? That there is a gаy guy at our gym today."
The Mike looking really curious and replies "Oh? Who do you think he is?"
Dan looks at Mike from mid-section to eye level and, says "Let me give you a kiss first before I tell you who."

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