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This guy walks into a bar with his golden retriever.
''Hey, can I get a drink on the house if my dog talks for you?''
''Dogs can't talk, pal. But if you can prove to me yours does, I'll give you a drink. If not, I get to kick your аss.''
''Okay,'' says the guy. He turns to his dog. ''Okay fella. Tell me - what is on top of a house?''
''Roof!'' The man turns and smiles at the bartender.
''THAT ain't talking! Any dog can bark!''
''Okay boy. Tell me - how does sandpaper feel?''
''Ruff!"
''What the hеll you tryin' to pull mister?''
''Okay, okay," says the man. "One more question please. Okay buddy, tell me - who is the greatest ball player who ever lived?''
"Ruth."
The bartender beats the hеll out of the guy and throws onto the sidewalk outside of the bar, then throws the dog out next to him. The dog stands up and looks at the guy.
"Geez. Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"
Sports Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Dog jokes
Sports Jokes
On a long walk in the woods, Johhny found himself out late and decided to look for a place to rest the night.
He finally found a hut in the middle of the woods and knocked on the door. An old man answered, and he agreed to give Johhny a bed for the night on one condition: the man's teenaged daughter would be in the other bed, and Johnny was not to touch her or disturb her sleep in any way. Johnny agreed, but changed his mind when he saw how beautiful the sleeping girl was and, while she didn't respond to his caresses, she didn't push him away either.
The next morning, Johnny awoke alone, but he figured the girl had gone to do her chores and he eagerly awaited her return. Instead the old man walked in, wiping the tears from his eyes. “What's wrong?” asked Johnny. “Oh, I've just come back from the cemetery - we had my little girl's funeral this morning. But thank you so much for sitting up with her body last night.”
Sports Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Men jokes Funeral jokes Sick and Death Jokes