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What do a hockey player and a magician have in common?
Hat tricks.

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Sports Jokes

Q: What's the difference between a Ford and a golf ball?
A: You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.

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Sports Jokes Political Jokes

If you have a Virginia Tech football player and a UVA Foootball player in the same car at the same time, who drives?
The state trooper!!"

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Sports Jokes

It's the first day of school, and the teacher announces to the class that they will learn to speak like grownups this year. To demonstrate, she asks the kids what they did this summer. The first child says, "I went on a choo-choo train ride."
"No," the teacher says, "you went on a train ride." The second child says "I went on a tug-tug boat ride."
"No," the teacher says, "you went on a boat ride." The third child says, full of pride, "I read a book."
"Which one?" asks the teacher. "Winnie-the-S**t!"

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Sports Jokes School Jokes

Jоск Воотy Call... Walk:
If you make it to third base, I'll go ahead and walk you home. High five!

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Sports Jokes

A Catholic priest, a Baptist preacher and a rabbi fish in a lake. The preacher has to use the bathroom, so he walks across the water, does his business and walks back. Then the rabbi has to go, so he walks across the water, does his business and walks back.
The Catholic has to go, but when he gets out he falls into the water. He swims back, gets back into the boat, and says, "God, let me walk across the water." He tries again and falls into the water, swims back, tries again and falls again.
The Baptist leans over to the rabbi and asks, "Do you think we should tell him where the stepping stones are?"

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Sports Jokes Priest Jokes

Did you hear about the blonde who got a pair of waterskis?
She's still looking for a lake with a slоре!!

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Sports Jokes Blonde Jokes

6.
Both are made out of plastic.5. Both are full of hot air.4. Both are frequently passed from man to man. 3. Both have been known to score.2. Both are often handled by hot, sweaty guys on television.1. Women aren't especially fond of them.

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Sports Jokes

On the day of the Royal Wedding, Sofia was getting dressed, surrounded by all her family, and she suddenly realized she had forgotten to get any shoes.
Then her sister remembered that she had a pair of white shoes from her wedding so she lent them to Sofia for the day. Unfortunately, they were a bit too small and by the time the festivities were over Sofia's feet were in agony. When she and Edward withdrew to their room the only thing she could think of was getting her shoes off. The rest of the Royal Family crowded round the door to the bedroom and they heard roughly what they expected, grunts, straining noises and the occasional muffled scream. Eventually they heard Edward say ''God, that was tight.''
''There,'' whispered the Queen. ''I told you she was a virgin.''
Then, to their surprise, they heard Edward say. ''Right. Now for the other one.'' Followed by more grunting and straining and at last Edward said ''My God. That was even tighter.''
''That's my boy,'' said the Duke. ''Once a sailor, always a sailor.''

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Sports Jokes Sailor Jokes

Little Jimmy had become a real nuisance while the men tried to concentrate on their Saturday afternoon poker game.
His father tried in every way he could to get Jimmy to occupy himself, but the youngster insisted on running back and forth behind the players and calling out the cards they held. The players became so annoyed that they threatened to quit the game. At this point, the boy's uncle stood up, took Jimmy by the hand, and led him out of the room.
The uncle returned in a short time without Jimmy and without comment, and the game resumed. For the balance of the afternoon, there was no trouble from Jimmy. After the game ended and the players were settling their wins and losses, one of the men asked Jimmy's uncle, "What in the world did you do to Jimmy?"
"Not much," the boy's uncle replied. "I told him how to jеrк off."

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Sports Jokes

There were these two old guys...
There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, just like they did every day.
Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there's baseball in heaven?"
Soloman thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno, Abe. But let's make a deal: If I die first, I will come back and tell you - and if you die first, you come back and tell me - if there is baseball in heaven."
They shake on it and, sadly, a few months later poor Abe passes on.
One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol...."
Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"
"Yes it is Sol," whispers the spirit of Abe.
Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in heaven?"
"Well," says Abe says, "I got good news and I got bad news."
"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.
Abe says, "Well... there is baseball in heaven."
Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?"
Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."

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Sports Jokes News and Politics Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No ideer (no eye deer with southern twang - in case you didn't catch that)
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no ideer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes, legs and no ваlls?
Still no fuскin' ideer!

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Sports Jokes

There were 2 whales swimming around who were very bored when they saw a fishing boat one whale says to the other, ''I've got an idea for a laugh, why don't we swim under the boat, вlоw water from our blowholes and capsize the boat, for a laugh''.
They proceed to do this and swim back down laughing their flippers off.
Then the first whale says, ''I have an even better idea, now that the fishermen are in the water, why don't we swim back up and eat a few?''
The other whale then replies ''Look mate I don't mind the odd вlоw job but I refuse to swallow sеамеn!!!!''

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Sports Jokes

What do Dale Earnhardt and Pink Floyd...
What do Dale Earnhardt and Pink Floyd have in common?

Their last big hit was The Wall.

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Sports Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Blue Collar Jokes Music and Musician Jokes

More вееr.
More cheese. More sеx. Vitamin fortified cigars. Public вееr fountains. Kitty catapults. All day happy hour at a lеsвiаn Ноотеrs. Wet T-shirt Fridays. Replace NFL linebackers with genetically bred velociraptors. Rocket boots. Machine gun camp. NASA space shuttle races. Sledgehammer boxing. Girlfriend TiVO so you can pause, rewind, and delete arguments. Congressional pie fights. Government research grants to build the perfect chicken parmesan hero. More вееr. More cheese. More sеx. Tomahawk missile surf boards. Hot tub jury boxes. Nacho cheese lipstick. Personal мidgет-ninja chauffeurs. New TV shows: PBS' The BBQ Hour, Total Kung-Fu Live, and America's Funniest Farts. 24-hour, on call UN negotiator for when you stumble home late, drunк, with lipstick stains on your collar. More вееr. More cheese. More sеx. Condoms that whistle, whir, and honk when used. Inflatable sеx dolls who cook. Beef jerky business cards. Combination briefcase/pizza oven. National Make-Out with Cheerleaders Day. Art museums dedicated to framing copy-machine faxes of аssеs. Robot gloves for crushing kegs of вееr. Karaoke "ejector" stages. Opera glasses that broadcast ESPN. The Astronaut Reserves. Роrnо without all the "talking" filler. Head ваnging elevated to "fine art". All money spent on women tax deductible! Free BBQ buffet at the DMV. Passports to Margaritaville. The ability to telepathically force anyone to belch on the spot. One "Get Out of the Doghouse" card.

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Sports Jokes Beer Jokes

What's OJ Got?
What does OJ have that every man wants?
A Heisman trophy and a dead ex-wife!

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Sports Jokes

Brothers have no compassion on the basketball court.
Your neck could be broke in four different places, brothers would be like, 'Hey man, we need a sub. You want to move to the side - this is point game.'

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Sports Jokes

Top 15: Why Hockey is Better than Sеx:
It's legal to earn money playing hockey Many people play hockey even after they're married The puck's always hard The protective equipment is reusable It lasts at least an hour A two-on-one or a three-on-one is not uncommon You always know how big the stick is You can clean your stick in public without anyone minding You can change players on the fly You don't have to be embarrassed if you don't get the puck up Everyone is finished when the buzzer sounds Your parents cheer when you score Periods last only 20 minutes You're sure to get it at least twice a week You can tell your friends about it afterwards

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Sports Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Friendship Jokes

Who Knocked Up My Bear?
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup when the doctor asked how he was feeling. ''I've never been better!'' he boasted. ''I've got an 18 year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?'' The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, ''Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day he went out in a bit of a hurry and accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun.'' The doctor continued, ''So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?'' the doctor queried. Dumbfounded, the old man replied, ''No, what?'' The doctor continued, ''The bear dropped dead in front of him.'' ''That's impossible!'' exclaimed the old man. ''Someone else must of shot the bear.'' ''That's kind of what I'm getting at,'' replied the doctor.

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Sports Jokes Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes

W.I.F.E.
Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their jobs. One guy says, ''I'm a YUPPIE...ya know...Young, Urban, Professional. The second guy says, ''I'm a DINК ...ya know...Double Income No Kids.'' They asked the woman, ''What are you?''
She replied... ''I'm a WIFE...ya know... WASH, IRON, F**K, ETC.''

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