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Q: What has 40 teeth and holds back a monster?
A: My zipper.

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While examining the the body of Mr. Schwartz, a mortician notices that Schwartz has the largest реnis he has ever seen.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz," says the mortician, "But I can't send you to be cremated with a tremendously huge реnis like this. It has to be saved for posterity."
The mortician removes the реnis, places it in a jar and puts the jar in his briefcase. When he gets home, he decides to show it to his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he says, removing the jar from his briefcase.
"Oh my God!" she screams, "Schwartz is dead!"

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Men vs Women Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes God Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

A man's house is on fire. He runs out of the house with his son and tells him to wait outside. Then he runs back in and gets his daughter and brings her outside. Then his wife. Then the dog. Then he goes back in a couple of times without bringing out anybody.
So a fireman asks him, "Why are you going back in there?"
The man replies, "I'm turning over my mother-in-law."

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Men vs Women Jokes

Little Johnny walks into his dad's bedroom and sees him sliding on a соndом. His father tries to hide it by bending over, as if to look under the bed.
Little Johnny asks curiously, "What are you doing, Dad?"
His father quickly replies, "I thought I saw a mouse go underneath the bed."
Little Johnny replies, "What are you gonna do - sсrеw him?"

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Men vs Women Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?"
The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster Chucky, wherever I go, Chucky goes."
"I'm sorry sir.", said the ticket agent, "We don't allow animals in the theater."
The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.
The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unzipped his pants so Chucky could stick his head out and watch the movie.
"Marge", whispered Mildred.
"What", said Marge.
"I think this guy next to me is a pervert.", said Mildred.
"What makes you think that", asked Marge.
"He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out", whispered Mildred.
"Well, don't worry about it", said Marge, "At our age we've seen them all."
"I thought so", said Mildred, "But this one is eating my popcorn!"

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Men vs Women Jokes

A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop.
The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun. So he told her that all she had to was take it home and вlоw in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out. After 15 minutes of this, the blonde's blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing.
"I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working."
"Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!"

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes Friendship Jokes

Two boys argue over whose parents are better.
The first boy says, "My dad's better than your dad."
The other boy says, "Well, my mom is better than your mom."
The first boy pauses, "I guess you're right. My dad says the same thing."

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Men vs Women Jokes

How many men does it take to sсrеw in a lightbulb?
One, men will sсrеw anything.

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Men vs Women Jokes

Q: Why don't blondes take birth control pills?
A: The pills keep falling out.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

Q: What did the elephant say to the nакеd man?
A: "It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?"

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

Q: What do you call a маsтurватing bull?
A: Beef Strokinoff.

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Men vs Women Jokes Masturbation jokes

NASA sends a space shuttle up with two pigs and a blonde on board. While the shuttle is taking off, the NASA command center calls the first pig and asks, "Pig #1, do you know your mission?"
The pig replies, "Oink oink. Get the shuttle into orbit and launch the trillion dollar satellite. Oink oink."
Then NASA asks the second pig, "Pig #2, do you know your mission?"
The second pig replies, "Oink oink. Once Pig #1 has completed the trillion dollar satellite launch, close hatch and go back to Earth. Land shuttle. Oink oink."
Then NASA asks the blonde, "Blonde woman, do you know your mission?"
The blonde woman replies, "Um. Oh yeah, I remember now. 'Feed the pigs - and don't touch a thing!'"

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

Q: What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?
A: Artifical intelligence.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

Q: What is a blonde's definition of a naval destroyer?
A: A hula hoop with a nail in it.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes Stupid Jokes

I don't think I could be gаy.
I just like girls too much. Man, girls are neat. I'm gonna get one, I think.

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Men vs Women Jokes

A dentist tells a blonde that she needs braces.The blonde says, "Why? I can walk just fine."
When the dentist explains that braces are for her teeth, she replies, "But my teeth don't walk."

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes Dentist Jokes

Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.
First Bull: "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows."
Second Bull: "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows."
Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows, but I'm keeping all 10 of my cows."
Just then an 18-wheeler pulls up in the pasture carrying the biggest bull they've ever seen. At 4,700 pounds, each step he takes strains the steel ramp.
First Bull: "I think I can spare a few cows for our new friend."
Second Bull: "I actually have too many cows to take care of. I can spare a few. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."
They look over at the third bull and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns and snorting.
First Bull: "Son, don't be foolish - let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."
Third Bull: "Неll, he can have all my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull."

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Men vs Women Jokes Animal Jokes Friendship Jokes

This guy buys a new motorcycle.
The salesperson tells him that when it rains to go outside and rub Vaseline on it because it makes it look nice and shiny. Later that night, he goes to eat at his girlfriend's house, and the rule at thier house is if you talk during supper you have to do the dishes. So they are eating and he looks at his girlfriend and kisses her. Nobody says anything. So he fuскs her right at the table and nobody says anything. So he looks over at her mom and kisses her too. Nobody says anything. So he does her too. Next thing he knows he looks outside and it is starts to rain outside, so he grabs the Vaseline out of his pocket. At that his girlfriend's dad stands up and says, ''Okay. I will do the dамn dishes.''

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Men vs Women Jokes

A newlywed couple on their honeymoon gets to the hotel room.
When they start to have sеx, the wife says that she has something to confess.
The husband says, "I will love you no matter what it is, tell me."
So the wife tells him that she is actually extremely flat chested.
The husband says, "I can deal with that."
He takes off her shirt and shouts, "Boy! you are small, but I love you nyway."
The husband says, "I have something to confess also."
She says, "No matter what I will still love you."
He says, "Okay.I am built like a baby down there."
She says, "I can deal with that."
So he pulls down his pants and his wife passes out! He fans her and she finally gets up.
She says, "I thought you said you were built like a baby?"
He says, "Yeah....7lbs, 21inches."

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Men vs Women Jokes Hotel Jokes

A newly married hillbilly couple decided they wanted children, but didn't know how to go about it.
Questions and conversations with friends and relatives proved no help, until a neighbor said they should go to town and ask the Big City Doctor. The doctor let them look at a child's book about where babies came from, but to no avail. He tried his own explanation but was met with blank stares. Exasperated, he took them to his private office, and showed them a роrnо movie. This was also useless. Angrily, he ordered the girl to sтriр, told the man to watch, and had sеx with her on the couch.
''Now, do you understand?'' he asked.
''I just have one question. How many times a week do I have to bring her in for this?''

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Men vs Women Jokes Military Jokes

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