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After his annual checkup, Bob learns that he has a rare disease and 12 hours to live. His wife tearfully says, "Honey, I'm going to give you a night you'll never forget."
They make passionate love with an ardor they haven't felt in years. When they're done, Bob asks his wife, "Can we do it again?" This time it's even more passionate.
Later, as she is about to doze off, Bob gives her a nudge and says,
"Honey, I know it's getting late, but I think we can do it one more time."
"That's easy for you to say," she complains. " You don't have to get up in the morning."

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Dark Humor Jokes

When the ark's door was closed, Noah called a meeting with all the animals and said in a demanding voice:
"Listen up kids! There will be NO sеx on this trip. Not even the wetting of the tip of your реnis. All of you males, take off your penises and hand them to Jim the Monkey. He will write you a receipt. After we see land, you can get your реnis back." After about a week, Mr. Rabbit ran over to his wife and very excitedly said, "Quick! Get on my shoulders and look out the window to see if there is any land out there!" Mrs. Rabbit got onto his shoulders, looked out the window and said, "Sorry, no land yet." "S**t!" shouted Mr. Rabbit and out he went. This went on every day until Mrs. Rabbit got fed up with him. "What is the matter with you? You know it will rain for forty days and nights. Only after the water had drained will we be able to see land. But why are you acting so excited every day?" "Look!" said Mr. Rabbit with an impatient look on his face as he held out a piece of paper. "I GOT THE DONKEY'S RECEIPT!"

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Men vs Women Jokes

Q: What is the height of noise?
A: Two skeletons f**king on a tin roof.

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Men vs Women Jokes

You've been married to the women for 20 years.
She don't use nothing but Dial soap. Her mama uses Dial soap. All seven of her sisters use Dial soap in their seven respective homes. You can go through purse, pocketbook, and find Dial coupons any given time of the day or night. Dамn you if you come home smelling like Zest!

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Men vs Women Jokes

A couple at an art gallery see a picture of a nакеd woman with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn't like it and moves on, but the huband keeps looking.
She asks, "What are you waiting for?"
He replies, "Autumn."

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Men vs Women Jokes Military Jokes

Q: Who is the most popular guy at a nudist colony?
A: The guy who can carry a cup of coffee and a dozen donuts. Q: Who is the most popular girl at a nudist colony?
A: The girl who can eat the last donut.

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Men vs Women Jokes Coffee Jokes

A young woman goes to her doctor and finds out that she is pregnant.She says, "I can't be! The only men I've been around are nudists from my colony, and we only practice sеx with our eyes."
The doctor replies, "Someone in that colony must be cockeyed."

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Men vs Women Jokes

Q: What's a 68?
A: You do me and I owe you!

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Men vs Women Jokes Sex Jokes

Q: How many blonde jokes are there?
A: One. The rest are all true stories.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

A nun tells other nuns about how she was attacked the night before. She explains her escape, "I stopped and pulled my dress up."
Shocked, the other nuns ask, "And then what?"
"He pulled his pants down," the nun replies, "And then I ran. A nun with her dress up can run much faster than a man with his pants down."

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Men vs Women Jokes

A nun comes to her Mother Superior and asks her to hear a confession.
"Today Father Goodwin told me I had the gates of Heaven between my legs, and that he had the Key to Heaven. Then opened my gates with his key."
"That ваsтаrd!" says Mother Superior. "He told me it was Gabriel's trumpet, and I've been blowing it."

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Men vs Women Jokes American Presidents Humor

Did you hear that nursing homes are starting to give Viаgrа to the old men living there?
It's to keep them from rolling out of bed.

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Men vs Women Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Nurse jokes Viagra jokes

Q: Why does a blonde nurse carry around a red pen?
A: To draw blood.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes Nurse jokes

Q: What's green and eats nuts?
A: Syphilis.

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Gross Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Boycott Jokes

Q: What did the nut say to the bolt?
A: "Sсrеw me."

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Men vs Women Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Communication Jokes

Got Nuts?
A woman walks into a grocery store and asks the stock boy if he has any nuts. The guy says, "No, ma'am." She says, "Well, do you have any dates?" He replies, "Ma'am, if I don't have nuts, do you really expect me to have dates?"

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Men vs Women Jokes One-Liner Jokes Dating Jokes

Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
A: "I want to hold your hand. Er, hands."

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Men vs Women Jokes Animal Jokes

Ladies, what's the first thing we do when they put us in the room and tell us to get undressed?
Look around and say, 'Now where am I gonna hide my раnтiеs?' Don't you roll them up and stick them in your purse? Or you tuck them down in your shoe? I hid mine so well the other day, I still can't find them.

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Men vs Women Jokes

A birch and a beech tree grow up side by side in the forest.
One day, a sapling grows between them, and each swears that it's not their son. The beech thinks it's a son-of-a-birch, and the birch thinks it's a son-of-a-beech. To settle it, they enlist the help of a woodpecker, who checks it out.
"You are both wrong," he says when he comes back up. "That's the best piece of ash I've ever had my рескеr in."

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Men vs Women Jokes

Q: What has 75 ваlls and screws old ladies?
A: Bingo.

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Men vs Women Jokes

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