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One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right there. "NOOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same. Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling. "MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!!!" he exclaimed. "Your a lawyer aren't you?" asked the policeman. "Yes, I am, but what does this have to do with my car?!?!" the lawyer asked. "HA! Your lawyers are always so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?" the cop said. The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed "MY ROLEX!"

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Chuck Norris can sit at the corner of a round table

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Chuck Norris Jokes

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.
The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, “Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?”
The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for a moment and then confessed. “Yes. Yes he did.”
The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks “Who? Who was he? Who was the father?”
Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband.
Then, finally, she says, “You.”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Wedding jokes Couple jokes

Did u know Chuck Norris had a role in star wars. He was the force.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Star Wars Jokes

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

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Chuck Norris Jokes One-Liner Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Little Johnny's Chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms," said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water. The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed.
He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass. It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died. "Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" he asked.
Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Chemistry Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Blonde 1: Don't tell anyone but Bees scare me.
Blonde 2: Dont worry, the whole alphabet scares me

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Blonde Jokes Animal Jokes

Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

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Chuck Norris Jokes One-Liner Jokes

When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

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Chuck Norris Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

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Chuck Norris Jokes

A cop once pulled Chuck Norris over...Luckily, the cop left only with a warning.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.

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Chuck Norris Jokes One-Liner Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

A trio of old veterans were bragging and jokes about the heroic exploits of their ancestors one afternoon down at the VFW hall.
"My great grandfather, at age 13," one declared proudly, "was a drummer boy at Shiloh."
"Mine," boasts another, "went down with Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn."
"I'm the only soldier in my family," confessed vet number three, "but if my great grandfather was living today he'd be the most famous man in the world." "Really?
What'd he do?" his friends wanted to know.
"Nothing much.
But he would be 165 years old."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Military Jokes Old People Jokes Friendship Jokes Grandparent Jokes

A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”
When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds.
“Wow, that’s amazing!” the doctor says.
“Did you follow my instructions?”
The blonde nods…
“I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
“From hunger, you mean?” said the doctor.
“No, from skipping,” replied the blonde.

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Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Blonde Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

What every sports player should say after winning:
"First of all, I would like to thank Chuck Norris for not competing."

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Sports Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

A drunк goes to court.
The judge says, ‘You’ve been brought here for drinking.’
The drunк says, ‘Great.
Let’s get started.’

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes

My wife and I have reached a decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

When Chuck Norris enters into a courtroom, the judge stands up.

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Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris protects his body guards.

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Chuck Norris Jokes

A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn comes in to take a рiss. Well, the man cant help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised, "bubba, whats your secret?" Bubba says"well, every night before i go to get in bed with a woman i whack my diск on the bedpost three times." So the man decides to try it that very night. So he got to bed and whacked his diск on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes.up and says"bubba, is that you?"

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

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