Most popular jokes

Q: What's the similarity between a woman and dog роор?
A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

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A Catholic, a Baptist and a Mormon are bragging about the size of their families."I have four boys, and my wife is expecting another," says the Catholic. "One more son, and I'll have a basketball team."
"That's nothing," says the Baptist. "I have 10 boys now, and my wife is pregnant with another child. One more son, and I'll have a football team."
"That's nothing," says the Mormon. "I have 17 wives. One more wife, and I'll have a golf course."

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Sports Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes God Jokes Catholic Jokes

Little Johnny's teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail.
Little Johnny says, "De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail."

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Animal Jokes

Q: Why are fish so smart?
A: They live in schools.

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School Jokes Animal Jokes

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Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here!2. Just call me milk, I'll do your body good. 3. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock. 4. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you. 5. That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too. 6. I'd like to sсrеw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it. 7. If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous. 8. Is that Windex? Because I can see myself in your pants. 9. If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon. 10. Baby, you must be tired cuz you have been running through my mind all night!!

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School Jokes Dirty jokes

A dentist, an electrician, and a carpenter decide to play a practical joke their best friend on his wedding night.
"I'll loosen some joints on his bed so it collapses when he's making love," says the carpenter.
"I'll hot wire his mattress so they'll feel immense heat while making love," says the electrician.
"Those are good ideas," says the dentist. "But my contribution's going to be a real surprise."
The next day the new husband comes to the diner to meet his friends. He says "I congratulate you guys for making the bed heat up and collapse, but I'm gonna кill whichever one of you put novocaine in the massage oil!"

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Wedding jokes Friendship Jokes Dentist Jokes Love Jokes

What Do I Look Like?
A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day, the wife asked her husband, "Honey, one of the bathroom pipes is leaking. Could you fix it?"
The husband looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like - Mr. Plumber?"
A few days went by, and his wife asked for a favor. "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"
"What do I look like - Mr. Goodwrench?"
A couple weeks later, the wife found a leak in the roof. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof. Can you please fix it?"
"What do I look like - Bob Vila?" He sat down with a вееr and watched a game on TV.
One rainy weekend, the husband realized the leak on the roof was gone. He went to the bathroom and found that the pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either.
When his wife returned home, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks and the car's running?"
She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything.
"Wow, did he charge us anything?"
"No, he said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sеx with him."
"Cool. What kind of cake did you make?"
"Cake? What the hеll do I look like - Betty Crocker?"

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Q: What do women, tornadoes and hurricanes have in common?
A: They all get the house.

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Jokes about Women Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Weather jokes

A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly. Lorraine dies suddenly. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."

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Men vs Women Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Music and Musician Jokes Funeral jokes Sick and Death Jokes

A newlywed couple on their honeymoon prepares to see each other nакеd for the first time.The husband exposes his knotted and twisted feet. He explains, "I had tolio as a child."
The wife asks if he means роliо. He says, "No, it only affects the toes."
He removes his pants and reveals deformed knees. He admits, "I had kneesles, too."Finally, he pulls off his boxers. In shock, the woman gasps, "Oh no - smallcox, too!"

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Couple jokes

A brunette goes to the doctor and says, "Everywhere I touch it hurts."
He asks "What do you mean?"
So she showed him what she meant. She touched her knee and said "Ouch!" Then she touched her chest and said, "Ouch!" Then her shoulder, "Ouch!"
The doctor looks at her and asks, "Your really blonde, aren't you?"
She replies "Yes, as a matter of fact I am. How did you guess?"
Doctor says, "Well your finger is broken."

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Men vs Women Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Blonde Jokes

A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterward, the doctor comes into her room and says, "I have something to tell you about your child."
The woman worriedly asks, "What's wrong with it?"
The doctor says, "There's nothing really wrong with it, it's just a little different. It's a hermaphrodite."
The woman looks confused. "A hermaphrodite? What's that?"
The doctor replies, "It has both male and female features."
The woman looks relieved. "Oh, you mean it has a реnis AND a brain?"

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes God Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Baby Jokes

Q: What did the blonde do when she couldn't afford a personalized license plate?
A: She changed her name to JKM345.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

How does a blonde spell "farm?"
E-I-E-I-O!!

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

A мidgет is riding a bus when a blonde steps on him.
Hey you, brunette, watch where you're going, yells the мidgет.
The blonde looks down and says, I am not a brunette, I am a blonde.
The мidgет replies, Not from where I'm standing.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

What is the longest оrgаn in a sheep's body?
A New Zealander's c**k!

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Men vs Women Jokes Animal Jokes

What do spaghetti and women have in common?
They both squirm when you eat them.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Food Jokes Blonde Jokes Dirty jokes

Q: Why did the blonde take more than one pregnancy test?
A: Because she slept with more than one guy.

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Insult Jokes Blonde Jokes Pregnancy Jokes

You Did What With A What?
A woman went to the doctor's and complained of being really sore.
"Do you have any idea why?"
"Well, I had sеx with an elephant!"
"You did? But elephants are known to have small penises!"
"Yeah, but he fingered me first."

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes Sex Jokes

A blonde walks into a drugstore and purchases a pack of condoms. "That will be $1.08, please," says the clerk.
"What are the eight cents for?" asks the blonde. "It says one dollar right here on the packaging."
"Tax," replies the clerk.
"Gee," says the blonde, "I thought you just rolled them on and they stayed put."

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Money jokes Blonde Jokes Drug Jokes Tax jokes

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