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There were these two blondes driving along the highway looking for a place to stop and picnic.
The first blonde says, "Let's stop here, and have our picnic under that tree."
The other says, "No! Let's have it right here in the middle of the road."
They argued about it for a bit, but finally agreed to have it in the middle of the road.
All of a sudden, a car comes speeding towards them and has to swerve into the tree to keep from hitting them.
The one blonde says to the other, "See? If we were under that tree, we'd be dead now!"

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Blonde Jokes

A guy calls a law office and says: "I want to talk to my lawyer."
The receptionist replies, "I'm sorry, but he died last week."
The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last week."
The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says, "I keep telling you, your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"
The guy says, "Because I just love hearing it."

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Judge and Court Jokes Lawyer Jokes

A redhead, brunette, and blonde are all in the hospital waiting to give birth.
The redhead turns to the brunette and says, " I was on top so im going to have a girl"
The brunette looks at the redhead and says " Well i was on the bottom so i'm going to have a boy".
All of a sudden they both hear snifflin, and turn to look at the blonde and she is crying and bawling her eyes out, and they say " Whats the matter honey?"
The blonde says with a sad face " I'm gonna have puppy's!!"

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Blonde Jokes

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup.
As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red H on her chest. How did you get that mark on your chest? asks the doctor. Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love, she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue Y on her chest. How did you get that mark on your chest? asks the doctor. Oh, my boyfriend goes to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love, she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green M on her chest. Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan? asks the doctor. No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?

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School Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes

Bush and Powell were sitting in a bar. A guy walked in and asked the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell?"
The barman said,
"Yep, that's them."
So the guy walked over and said,
"Hello. What are you guys doing?"
Bush said,
"We're planning World War III."
The guy asked,
"Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush said,
"Well, we're going to кill 10 million Afghans and one bicycle repairman."
The guy exclaimed, "Why are you gonna кill a bicycle repairman?!"
Bush turned to Powell and said,
"See, I told you no one would worry about the 10 million Afghans!"

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News and Politics Jokes Blonde Jokes American Presidents Humor

A tourist had lost his way on a back road and stopped at a farmhouse to ask if he could be stay there for the night.
“Well, we’re mighty crowded since there’s already someone in the spare room,” replied the farmer. “But I guess you can stay if you don’t mind sharing the bed with a tall blonde.
”The tourist puffed out his chest and replied,
“That’s fine by me and in case you’re worried, I want you to know I’m a gentleman.”
“Well,” mused the farmer, “as far as I can tell, so is the tall blonde.”

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Blonde Jokes Farmer Jokes

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Testicules.
Testicules who?
Pillow for реnis .

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Knock-knock jokes Dirty jokes

A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?"
"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, where exactly is Larry's bar?"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

A doctor was vacationing at the seashore with his family. Suddenly, he spotted a fin sticking up in the water and fainted.
"Darling, it was just a shark," assured his wife when he came to.
"You've got to stop imagining that there are lawyers everywhere."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Lawyer Jokes

I'm not saying my wife is ugly... but on Halloween, she went to tell the neighbors to turn their TV down and they gave her some candy.

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Halloween Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Ugly Jokes

Q: What do New Year's Parades have in common with Santa Claus?
A: No one is awake to see either of them.

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Christmas Jokes New year jokes

A one dollar bill met a twenty dollar bill and said, "Hey, where’ve you been? I haven’t seen you around here much."
The twenty answered, "I’ve been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for awhile, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?"
The one dollar bill said, "You know, same old stuff… church, church, church." essories for it.

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Church jokes Money jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Yo mama so ugly when she looked at the sun, it turned nighttime.

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Yo Momma Jokes Ugly Jokes

An uncertain and nervous witness was being cross-examined. The lawyer thundered, "Have you ever been married?"
"Yes, sir," said the witness in a low voice. "Once."
"Whom did you marry?"
"Well, a woman."
The lawyer bellowed angrily, "Of course you married a woman. Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man?"
To which the witness replied meekly, "My sister did."

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Judge and Court Jokes Lawyer Jokes

Warning ladies!
Never trust a man who calls you "SЕXУ".
This is why. When he removes the letter 'Y' it means you're down for "SЕX". After sеx, he will remove the letter "S" and start calling you his "EX".

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes

A doctor from the inner city was conversing with an old friend from med school at a cafe when he said, "Man, can I tell you something?"
His friend nods. "Sure."
"Okay, so the other day I had this one really hot, foreign patient, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about her since..."
He goes on to tell his friend everything about her, from her long blond hair and ability to speak fluent French, to her shimmering blue eyes and soft skin.
His friend seemed more disgusted with each passing moment.
"Dude, that is not cool."
The doctor, indignant, defended himself.
"What's wrong with that? Lots of doctors are attracted to their patients."
His friend simply shook his head and replied, "Maybe, but I guarantee you none of those doctors were pediatricians..."

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School Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Dirty jokes Friendship Jokes Beauty Jokes

I drank so much wine last night that when I walked across the dance floor to get another glass, I won the dance competition.

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Wine jokes

A father was advising his son: "If you want to have a big and strong diск in future you have to eat more walnuts."
Suddenly son's mother by an angry face shouted: "Why when you were child did'nt eat enough walnut yourself?"

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Dirty jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Dad Jokes Communication Jokes

A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn.
He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees and says, "I'm a Martian just arrived from the other side of the galaxy. We're here to destroy your civilization, pillage and burn. What do you think about that?"
The owner replies, "I don't have an opinion. I'm a chartered accountant."

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Accountant Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because cats can only meow.

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