Most Popular Jokes

1. "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines.".

2. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with you with our compliments.".
3. "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

4. And from the pilot during his welcome message:
"Delta airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!".

5. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate
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A man had been married to his wife for twenty years. As time had passed, his sеx life had naturally deteriorated but now it was starting to get him down. No longer could he make his wife оrgаsм.
One day, the man decided to do something about it so he went to see his doctor. The doctor suggested he add a little romance back into the relationship - a nice meal, candles, mood music and the like. The man was skeptical but, that evening, he gave it a shot. He really pulled out all the stops but, when he came to the bedroom, there was again no action from the wife.
He went back to see the doctor the next day. The doctor was disappointed the trick hadn’t worked but told the man not to worry. The doctor suggested he try again but this time get a young Adonis-like man to stand beside them and waft them with a towel. At first, the man didn’t like the sound of it, but the doctor persuaded him to give it a go. He found a number for a male еsсоrт agency and arranged for their top man to come around that evening. All was going to plan but, when they came down to business, there was still no climaxing, no matter how much the young man waved the towel. Now, as you can imagine, this was starting to rile the man no end. He stormed back to the doctor. The doctor was obviously mortified that it hadn’t worked so he suggested the man repeat the trick but perhaps this time he swaps roles with the еsсоrт. The man was at his wit’s end so gave it one last try.
That evening, the man cooked his wife a fantastic meal. Shortly after they had finished, the еsсоrт arrived and they headed up to the bedroom. The man took up his position with the towel while his wife and the еsсоrт got down to business. Sure enough, within minutes his wife was groaning and writhing with ecstasy. The man was clearly satisfied with his work, so he lent over and whispered in the еsсоrт’s ear, “You see mate, that’s how you wave a fсuкing towel!”
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- Абе Гоше, как мислиш, т'ва Google жена или мъж е? Google е женско 100%! Има одговор за се. Q: Is google a boy or girl? I am often asked, "Is google a man or a women?" My simple answer is: It's a woman because it won't let you finish your sentence without making a suggestion. Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion. Google es como una mujer, no te deja terminar una frase cuando empieza a sacar conclusiones y a hacer sugerencias... Дорогой Гугл, пожалуйста, перестань вести себя как моя жена: позволь мне заканчивать фразы самому, вместо того чтобы подсказывать их окончание. Google ist definitiv weiblich. Sie lässt dich nicht ausreden, ohne bereits etwas anderes vorzuschlagen. Google et les femmes, c'est pareil. Les deux donnent une suggestion avant que t'ais fini ta phrase... - Τo google είναι θηλυκό ή αρσενικό? - Θηλυκό, επειδή κάνει συστάσεις πριν τελειώσεις την πρόταση σου Er Google en mand eller en kvinde? – En kvinde, fordi du ikke får lov til, at sige noget færdigt før du får et forslag Google Er Google en hun eller en han? Det er en hun, for den lader dig heller ikke færdiggøre din sætning, før den kommer med et forslag. Hvordan man med sikkerhet kan si at Google er ei kvinne? - Du får aldri sjansen til å fullføre en setning uten at hun kommer med et forslag.
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A wealthy and very well dressed financial consultant arrived at his office to fill out his report for the company he was working for.

The dapper, extremely confident and very dignified gentleman left his Porsche with the parking attendant and entered wearing the building wearing his designer business suit. His shoes clicked along the polished floor as he headed for the elevator.

He picked up the paperwork, and strutted into his well-furnished office, put down his fifteen hundred dollar briefcase and sat down at his desk. He stared at the questions for five minutes, and shook his head in disbelief. He looked again, and his shoulders dropped.

"I know I have no choice, but this is an OUTRAGE!" he said out loud.

Then with a sigh of embarrassment, he reached down, untied and pulled his feet out of his highly polished $800 Brooks Brothers cap toe dress shoes and then peeled off his black silk business socks as well.

The now barefoot consultant then stuffed the socks in the shiny, expensive shoes and dropped them in the garbage can.

A few minutes later, he shook his head again with frustration, slowly untied his $150 Hermes silk necktie, plucked the matching pocket square out of his suit pocket, unfastened his monogrammed gold cufflinks, and slid his Rolex off his wrist. He threw them in to the garbage as well. His silver tiepin and his paisley braces followed.

A moment later, the consultant dropped his head into his hands and groaned. No longer confident and dignified, he looked around furtively.

Then he angrily shrugged and stood up. He then stripped off his $2,000 navy blue pinstriped Armani business suit and his starched white shirt, and folded them before stuffing them in the garbage as well.

The consultant finally sat down in his underwear and finished his work.

A colleague came in, looked around, saw the stripped consultant and his expensive clothes piled in the garbage and was stunned. “Why did you do this?” he asked in bewilderment.

The formerly well-dressed and impeccably groomed consultant angrily and wearily picked up the paperwork.

“Why didn’t you warn me about this? It says right here: Instructions MUST be followed exactly! ALL questions MUST be answered in brief!”
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