Newest jokes - Page 2833

Chuck Norris invented KFC's famous secret recipe, with 11 herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the 12th ingredient: Fear

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What would you hear at a соw concert?
Moo-sic!

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Animal Jokes Music and Musician Jokes

It is genetically pre-recorded in men’s brain to look for a women, which is alike his mother – said Mr. John to the judge at the court, where he was being blamed for rарing his sister.

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Jokes about Women Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes

Chuck Norris knows the secret of the Caramilk

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Food Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me!
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
Beauty is in the eye of the вееr holder.
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
I'm not a complete idiот. Some parts are missing.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning
Medicine.
God must love sтuрid people; He made so many.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
Procrastinate Now!
I have a degree in liberal arts; do you want fries with that?
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three
Thousand times the memory.
Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime
Commitment for a pig.
The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
Make your words sweet & tender today, for tomorrow you
May have to eat them.

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes God Jokes Beer Jokes

What did the mama bear say to her cub?
"Don't go out in your bear feet!"

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Kids Jokes

Johnny puts his hand up. “Miss,” he says. “Would you do аnаl?”
“I beg your pardon?” says his teacher.
“I mean, would you take it up the аrsе miss?”
His teacher explodes. “You just stay behind after school and see me, young man!”
“Good,” beams Johnny. “I was hoping you would.”

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Men jokes

Wife: I dreamed you gave me $500 for summer clothes last night. You would not spoil that dream, would you, Dear?
Husband: Of course not, Darling. You may keep the $500.00

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Marriage and Family Jokes

How does a man save a woman from being attacked on the street at night?
He controls himself.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

A Lalu brought a simple, spendthrift wife from a small town in Bihar.
He convinced her that they should go for Honeymoon.
The wife would not understand complex term as honeymoon and kept asking for explanation.
Lalu said,
"Let me feel you my manhood in Honeymoon and you would know."
They went.
Had lots of fun and came back.
Wife back at home asked,
"I still don’t understand what is this honeymoon that we went for."
The Husband said,
"Oh, we were together, had so many hugs, kisses, varieties of sеx, jokes, fun all that is honeymoon."
The spendthrift wife got angry, "You should have told me that before. Back in town, Malu, Kalu, Suru and I were together all the times, and had this fun without spending a dime of my money."

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Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes

Some friends of mine came to visit me from Holland, and they said, 'We would like to go to Harlem.' I said, 'Well you know, the Dutch influence has waned over the years.'

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Nationality Jokes Friendship Jokes

The world’s oldest clown, Floyd “Creaky” Creekmore of Montana, passed away at age 98. He leaves a very big pair of shoes to fill.

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News and Politics Jokes

Are you related to Yoda . . . cuz Yodalicious

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Pick-Up Lines Jokes Star Wars Jokes

If Charlie Sheen is winning, it's only because Chuck Norris isn't playing.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

An English professor complained to the pet shop proprietor, “The parrot I purchased uses improper language.”
“I’m surprised,” said the owner.
“I’ve never taught that bird to swear.”
“Oh, it isn’t that,” explained the professor.
“But yesterday I heard him split an infinitive.”

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School Jokes

Rugby player:
"Doctor, doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror - I feel like throwing up.
What's wrong with me?"
Doctor:
"I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."

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Sports Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth.
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.
“May we see the new baby?” one asked.
“Not yet,” said the mother. “I’ll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.”
Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, “May we see the new baby now?”
“No, not yet,” said the mother.
After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, “May we see the baby now?”
“No, not yet,” replied the mother.
Growing very impatient, they asked, “Well, when can we see the baby?”
“WHEN HE CRIES!” she told them.
“Why do we have to wait until he CRIES?”
“Because i forgot where i put him.

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Jokes about Women Technology Jokes Old People Jokes Coffee Jokes

A police officer pulls over a speeding car.
The officer says, ' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'
The driver says, 'Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, maybe your radar gun needs calibrating.'

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Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Police Officer Jokes

John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said,
"I'm very sorry officer, I didn't realize it was out, I'll get it fixed right away."
Just then Jessica said,
"I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed."
So the officer asked for John's license and after looking at it said,
"Sir your license has expired."
And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn't realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning.
Jessica said,
"I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired."
Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, "Jessica, shut your mouth!"
The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked.
"Does your husband always talk to you like that?"
Jessica replied, "only when he's drunк."

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes

A niggеr was walking in the jungle when he saw a sеxy woman that was fighting for her life with a giant snake.
The Niggеr quickly jumps and kills the snake.
The woman says to him:
You saved me!
I am I magic fairy and I can grand you any wish.
I would like you to make me white and put me between your legs.
Then, the fairy made him into cotton wall тамроn...

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Jokes about Women Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes

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