Latest Jokes

A Mad Scientist Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas and all thru my house,
Not a specimen was stirring, not even a louse.
The test tubes were capped and the rat cages closed,
The mold cultures fuzzy, the mice in repose.
The oven kept warm the ebola and pox,
I still need to locate my husband's clean socks...
But that has to wait till tomorrow, I know;
My buggies still need that much more time to grow.
When from the kitchen came a massive explosion,
I leapt from my bed in perpetual motion.
Grabbing my lab coat I pulled on my pants,
Struggling into them a sick sort of dance.
With fury and haste I put on a shirt,
Running out of the bedroom on feet black with dirt.
Buttoning my lab coat and donning a mask,
I ran into the kitchen holding an Erlenmeyer flask.
I nearly passed out when the man who I saw,
Dressed in containment gear sealed without flaw,
Held high a huge sack with his arm stiff and straight,
I could tell he must have a hard time with his weight.
Through the mike from his suit he said without pause,
"Но Но Но, Merry Christmas, I'm Hanta Claus!"
Over his shoulder he hefted the sack,
We walked into the living room, I offered a snack.
He took it and smiled, placed the sack by my bench,
Instantly I noticed the Clostridium stench.
Brimming with joy, I cried out with glee,
"Did you bring all of these germies for me?"
"Oh yes," said Hanta, "I must show propriety;
By bringing you microbes, I'm saving society.
"You are the only one who loves these diseases.
Therefore I'm glad to oblige who it pleases."
Delirious with excitement I sat by his side
While he gave me a year's stock of microscope slides,
And pasteur pipettes, drug resistant bacteria,
Such as staph, strep and cultures from the genus Neisseria.
The gleam in my eyes caused the house to be lit,
The moment he gave me a gram-staining kit,
Clostridium tetani, perfringens and sporogenes,
Salmonella typhi and Streptococcus pyogenes!
Plus viruses known to produce hepatitis,
Herpes, and rabies, yellow fever and meningitis!
But that was not all, he had parasites too,
Plasmodia, trypanosomes and schistosomes true!
Tapeworms and roundworms, plague-carrying fleas.
How sincerely generous, Hanta did aim to please!
At long last he said he must now go away,
His sled was experiencing radioactive decay.
"Thanks for the presents," I said, shaking his hand,
"They'll keep me off the streets, you understand."
Hanta Claus smiled and bid me goodnight,
Shouting "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good blight!"
Christmas Jokes
Заштитен секс Was versteht eine Blondine, unter "Safer Sex"? has does a blonde have safe sex?She locks the car door. Vad kallar blondiner säker sex? Att låsa bildörren Cosa fa una bionda per fare sesso sicuro? Chiude la sicura della macchina. Hvordan dyrker blondiner sikker sex? De låser bildøren! Hvad er en blondines opfattelse af sikker sex? Hvad er en blondines opfattelse af sikker sex? At låse bildøren.
Blonde Jokes Sex Jokes Car and driving jokes
How to be Politically Correct when talking about Men (Or Army Men) ----------- He does not have a вееr gut... He has developed a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.(regular guys) He has a personal war reserve stock.(army guys) ----------- He is not quiet... He is a Conversational Minimalist. He is a SAMS grad. ----------- He is not sтuрid... He suffers from Minimal Cranial Development. He is a field grade. ----------- He does not get lost all the time... He discovers Alternative Destinations. He gets temporarily misoriented. ----------- He is not balding... He is in Follicle Regression. He has a REALLY squared away high and tight. ----------- He is not a cradle robber... He prefers Generationally Differential Relationships. He is breaking the new fraternization policies. ----------- He does not get falling-down drunк... He becomes Accidentally Horizontal. He practices his IMTs in the club. ----------- He is not short... He is Anatomically Compact. He suffers from a Napoleon Complex. ----------- He does not have a rich daddy... He is a Recipient of Parental Asset Infusion. He has the Army as a hobby. ----------- He does not constantly talk about cars... He has a Vehicular Addiction. He must be a Transporter. ----------- He does not have a hot body... He is Physically Combustible. He is a PT stud. ----------- He is not unsophisticated... He is Socially Challenged. He is a Ranger. ----------- He does not eat like a pig... He suffers from Reverse Bulimia. He eats like a Ranger student at Pizza Hut. ----------- He is not a bad dancer... He is Overly Caucasian. He is from the Muddy Boots Army. ----------- He does not hog the blankets... He is Thermally Unappreciative. He is a Blue Falcon. ----------- He is not a male chauvinist pig... He has Swinе Empathy. He must be combat arms. ----------- He is not afraid of commitment... He is Monogamously Challenged. He loves TDY.
Drinking and Drunk Jokes School Jokes Beer Jokes Military Jokes
Drinking and Drunk Jokes Beer Jokes