Newest jokes - Page 373

I'm going to watch my wedding video later "backwards".
I love the end bit when she takes the ring off, goes back down the aisle and jumps in the car.

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A crab walks into a bar and asks for something to drink.
The bartender says, "Sorry, we do not serve food."

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Food Jokes Animal Jokes

How to Impress a Woman:
compliment her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
listen to her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her.
How to Impress a Man:
show up nакеd,
bring вееr.

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Men vs Women Jokes Beer Jokes

Only 3 things that are infinite
1.Human Stupidity
2.Universe
3.WinRar Trial

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Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Stupid Jokes

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out." As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye to eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"

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Office and Work Jokes Military Jokes Single People Jokes

Why couldn't Usain Bolt listen to his music?
"Because he broke the record."

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Sports Jokes Music and Musician Jokes

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it."
He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? Betty Sue was the name of the horse I went there to bet on."
She shrugs and walks away.
Three days later he is reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She answers, "Your horse called."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Cheating Jokes

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Coronavirus Jokes

Yo mama's so poor when I went to her house and asked to use the bathroom, she said "Two trees to your left."

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Yo Momma Jokes

Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour?
Pupil: Because it can't sit down!

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School Jokes

A man is driving his eighteen wheeler down the road, when he sees a hitch hiker.
So the trucker stops and picks up the man.
While they are driving down the road, the trucker says "Hey man, you wanna see something pretty cool?"
The hitch hiker says sure.
So the trucker has this monkey in the back, and he makes it come up with the men, and he smacks the monkey up side his head, and the monkey gives him a вlоw job.
So after that, the trucker says "Hey man, do you want some of that?"
And the hitch hiker says "Sure, but just don't smack me so hard."

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Dirty jokes Men jokes

The Titanic didn't sink by an ice burg, Chuck Norris was doing the back sтrоке across the Atlantic.

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Chuck Norris Jokes

A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party:
"What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked.
"Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant," replied the lawyer.
"What do you do?"
The minister replied, "Oh, more or less the same.
Let me give you an example.
The other day I meant to say 'the devil is the father of liars,' but instead I said 'the devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go."

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Political Jokes Lawyer Jokes

So it's the weekend, and I'm on my back patio when I get this idea to call up my coroner friend Bob.
"Bob's not here," his wife says, "he's at work."
"Sheesh!" I think. "Poor guy doing autopsies on a Sunday."
So I call him on his cell.
"What gives, bro,?" I ask.
"Homicide," he says. "The higher-ups need a report ASAP. I'll be starting in just a few minutes."
I Josh Bob a little. "I'll be thinking of you, buddy. Right now, I'm basting barbecue sauce on a rack of baby-backs and I'm getting ready to open a frosty вееr."
"Not much different here," he says. "I'm about ready to сrаск open a cold one myself."

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Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Friendship Jokes Beer Jokes

What do you call a snake that is exactly 3.14 meters long?
A πthon.

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Animal Jokes

Q: What did the clock do when it was hungry?
A: It went back four seconds.

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Food Jokes

During preseason training, a college football lineman married one of the team's cheerleaders.
The coach was a bit surprised and remarked to his star football player, "You are such a big, burley guy. Why in the world did you marry such a tiny, petite woman? She is no вiggеr than your hand."
"That's right, Coach," replied the lineman. "But, she's much better!"

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Jokes about Women Sports Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes American Football Jokes

What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?
Popeye almost killed him!

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Dark Humor Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Yo mama so dumb she runs to the mailbox whenever her computer beeps: "you have a new mail".

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Yo Momma Jokes

The All Blacks were playing England, and after the half-time whistle blew they found themselves ahead 50-0, Jonah Lomu getting eight tries.
The rest of the team decided to head for the pub instead of playing the second half, leaving Jonah to go out on his own.
"No worries," Jonah told them, "I'll join you later and tell you what happened."
After the game Jonah headed for the pub where he told his teammates the final score: 95-3.
"What!!!!" said a furious Josh Kronfeld, "How did you let them get three points??!"
Jonah replied apologetically, "I was sent off with 20 minutes to go."

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Sports Jokes

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