Newest jokes - Page 464

Two men and a woman were the sole survivors of a pleasure cruise ship that sank in the Bermuda Triangle.
They made it to an uninhabited island.
Two weeks later the woman jumped off a cliff because she was so ashamed of what she was doing.
Two weeks after that the two men buried her because they were so ashamed of what they were doing.
Two more weeks passed by and the men dug her up again–being so ashamed of what they were doing.

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Two guys are chatting at the bar.
"So, how was your holiday in Africa?" asks one.
"Don't remind me," says the other, "I very nearly got myself killed!"
"Go on, what happened?" he asks.
"Well, I was hiking in the savannah when a lion appeared out of the blue and started chasing me. I ran for my life, but the lion kept getting closer and then just as it was about to pounce for the кill it suddenly slipped and broke its leg."
"Jesus Сhrisт, I would have shiт myself!" he replies. ......"What the fuск do you think the lion slipped on?"

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Africa Jokes

Two cows were chatting over the fence between their fields.
The first соw said, "I tell you, this mad-соw-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm."
The other соw replied, "Неll, I ain't worried, it won't affect us ducks."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes

Three guys are skydiving and the first guy throws a brick out the window, the second guy throws a stone out the window, and the third guy throws a grenade out the window. When they land they decide to go walk into town, so they are walking down the street until they see a woman crying. The first guy asks, "Whats wrong?" The woman says, "A brick fell out the sky and killed my cat." So they continue down the street then see a young boy crying. The second guy asks, "Whats wrong?" The boy said that a stone fell out of the sky and killed his dog. They continue down the road until they see the man laughing his аss off. The third guy asks, "Whats so funny?" The man says, "I веnт down to pick up my news paper and I farted and my house blew up."

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Jokes about Women News and Politics Jokes Men jokes

Three guys are on a plane, ones black, ones white, and ones Mexican.
The pilot says:
"there's to much weight you all need to throw something off the plane."
The black guy throws his Jordan's and says:
"we have to many of these in our country"
The Mexican throws off his lawn mower and says:
"we have to many of these in our country".
The white guys throws the Mexican and says:
"we have to many of these in our country"

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Pilot Jokes Mexican jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Aviation Jokes White people jokes

This blonde goes into the drugstore looking for a birthday card.
She asks the clerk if they have any new and different cards — something unusual.
The clerk points her to a new card just in that day — “Happy Birthday to the Boy who Popped My Cherry.”
The blonde replied, “How cool! I’ll take the whole box!”

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Blonde Jokes Birthday Jokes

There was a tornado in my area the other day. The sky was so black; it took my bike.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes Weather jokes

There was a black guy, white guy, and a Mexican on a ship.
The ship was sinking so the black guy said, 'quick throw off anything we don't need.' The Mexican threw off tacos, the black guy thre off fried chicken and the white guy threw off the black guy and the Mexican.

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Food Jokes Mexican jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes White people jokes

There once was a guy and he had a beautiful girlfriend named Lorraine. One day he went to work to find a new girl had started working there. Her name was Clearly, and she was smoking hott. They began to like each other. But, he was a loyal man and wouldn't get involved with Clearly as long as he was going out with Lorraine. He attempted to break up with Lorraine several times but he couldn't do it. Then one day Lorraine and him were walking along the river bank. Lorraine slipped and fell into the river. The current carried her off and she drowned. The guy stopped for a moment by the river and then ran off smiling and singing... "I can see Clearly now Lorraine is gone."

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Banker Jokes

There is nothing fun about a funeral, but despite that, I had a good laugh at the following reaction by my two children.
We, along with a bunch of other relatives, were following the hearse of my late great aunt.
When my daughter, who always tends to focus on the morbid things in life raised the dreaded question, "Dad, what's going to happen to us when you die?"
My son who was busy texting one of his friends at the time barely glanced up from his phone.
"We'll go in the limousine duммy."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Funeral jokes Dad Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Phone jokes

There are three blondes on an island. A genie says they can only have one wish t get themselfs off. The first says" I wish I was smart" so she turns into a red head and swims off the island. The second says " I wish I was smarter than her" so she turns into a brunette and swims away. The third one says " I wish I was smarter than both of them" so she turns into a man and walks on the bridge.

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Blonde Jokes Men jokes Genie jokes

The only church which is disseminating light and warmth is the burning church.

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Dark Humor Jokes Church jokes

The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for 20 minutes.

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Office and Work Jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Christmas Jokes

The mouse and the elephant pas together over a bridge, very proud the mouse says:
Do you hear how the bridge vibrates under OUR footsteps?

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Animal Jokes

The moon is just a football Chuck Norris kicked up when he was a kid.

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Kids Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Soccer Jokes

The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her.
“I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.”
The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.”
The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.”
She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Single People Jokes Christian Jokes

The answer to all the questions on your history test tomorrow is Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris Jokes History Jokes

Teacher: Do you want to spend lunch in my class!?
Me: you asking me out on a date?

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School Jokes Insult Jokes

Teacher - Get rid of your drink. No drinks in class.
Student - I got it from my doctor he told me to drink it
Teacher - Who's your doctor?
Student - Dr. Pepper

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School Jokes Insult Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Someone call CSI.
I just killed my workout.

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes Fitness jokes Sick and Death Jokes

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