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Latest Jokes

A man well into his seventies asks his wife:
"Mary, doesn’t it make you sad when you see me running after those young girls sometimes?"
"Not in the least, Peter,” replies Mary, “our dog chases cars all the time and there’s also no chance he could manage to drive one!"

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Men vs Women Jokes Dog jokes

Would you cheat on your wife?
On whom else would I be cheating?!

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Marriage and Family Jokes Cheating Jokes

Conductor on a train:
“But sir, you cannot travel with this! This is a child’s ticket! You’re at least 25 years old!”
“You see how horribly long your delays are? You should be ashamed!”

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Jokes

Don’t you hate it when you come to somebody’s place and they just can’t shut up asking you sтuрid questions like “what do you want” and “who are you” and “омg is that a real gun? ”

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Jokes

An ant is walking down the road. A соw comes along and splats him with a huge cowpat. Bam! The ant takes three hours digging itself out from underneath all that роор. When finally does, he shakes his fist:
Damn it, straight in the eye!”

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Good jokes

A guy tells his friend: “Man I think my wife may be dead…”
Friend: “What?! Why would you think that?”
Guy: “Well in bed she’s the same as ever but the kitchen got quite messy…”

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Marriage and Family Jokes

Excuse me, didn’t you forget to flush the toilet?
Of course I did, otherwise it wouldn’t stink like this, would it?

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Jokes

"Mom, how come I still didn’t get my period? I mean I’m already 19 and Janet got hers when she was just 13!"
"Listen to me, Brian, you’re NOT getting a period ever!"

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Jokes

A boss announces to his staff:
“I’ve lost a wallet with 500 dollars, if you find it, I’m offering a 100 dollars finder’s fee!”
A voice in the background says:
“I’m offering 200!”

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Office and Work Jokes Boss Jokes

Weather girl: “…. and because of the cold front coming in from North-East, we can expect about 3 inches of snow, or, as my colleague Bill would say, 8 inches.”

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Men vs Women Jokes

I really can’t stand it when homeless guys shake their cups of money at me.
Do they really have to rub it in that they’ve got more cash than I do?

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Jokes

Patient to his doctor:
I have forgotten so many things lately, and it’s getting worse. What can I do?
Doctor:
Yes, this is a known illness, unfortunately it has no cure. I’d also like to remind you about the 800 USD that you owe me?

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Money jokes

What’s a good demonstration of the difference between a man and a woman?
The two meanings of the sentence: “What an аss!”

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Men vs Women Jokes

Eva asks Adam in the Garden of Eden:
“Adam, do you desire me and me only? ”
“Sure thing, baby,” replies Adam affectionately, “who else?”

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Jokes

A guy leans closer to his wife.
„Can you keep a secret?“ he whispers to her.
“Sure I can,” says the wife, becoming curious.
“That’s good,” whispers the man again, “so can I.”

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Jokes

The police stop an old guy in questionable condition at 1 am.
“What are you doing out so late, sir?” asks the police officer.
“I’m going to a seminar on ‘The harmful effects of alcohol’,” replies the man.
“Are you pulling my leg or something?!“ says the police officer, „who would hold a seminar like that at this hour?!”
The man sighs, “my wife.”

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Give a man a fish and you will feed him for the day.
Teach a man to fish and he’s going to spend a fortune on gear he’ll only be using twice a year.

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Fishing Jokes

I have one thing to say to the invalid who stole my camouflage army jacket: You can hide, bro, but you can't run.

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Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes Military Jokes

Last words of a skydiver?
Oh сrар, those annoying clothes moths!!!

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Jokes

Judge: “Why did you steal the car?”
Man: “I had to get to work.”
Judge: “Why didn’t you take the bus?”
Man: I don’t have a driver’s license for the bus.

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Judge and Court Jokes