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Latest Jokes

There were two security guards who worked on opposite shifts, but looked after the same building.
Over a period of a year, the night shift security guard noticed that his opposite was putting on weight.
So one evening at shift change, the night shift security guard says to the day shift security guard "Hey buddy, you aint half gettin fат".
To which the day shift guard replies "Yeah, that's because every time I shаg your wife she gives me a chocolate biscuit".

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes Chocolate Jokes Fat Jokes

There were once these two blondes who were sitting around bored and alone one day.
They noticed an article in the paper where they were selling bird dogs.
Well they had heard that dogs make excellent companions so they went out to buy one.
They brought the dog home and fell instantly in love with him.
They had heard somewhere that bird dogs were smart and good at what they do.
So the two blondes decided to take the dog outside and watch him do what he is was so good at doing.
They tried it out a couple of times, but the blondes came off more disappointed than amazed at what the dog could do.
Finally one of the blondes was sick and tired of waiting, she suddenly shouted out:
"THAT’S IT! We’ll give this dog one more chance. We’ll throw him up in the air one more time and if he doesn’t fly we’re taking him back to the STORE!"

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Blonde Jokes Animal Jokes Love Jokes Dog jokes

Them - Your an аsshоlе.
You - I'm glad I'm an аsshоlе because without аsshоlеs like me there wouldn't be shiт like you!

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School Jokes Insult Jokes

The proprietor of an adult store steps out to run a few errands and leaves his employee in charge.
A woman comes in and wants to purchase a dildо.
She looks at the shelf behind the register.
"How much for the white one?"
"$10."
"How much for the black one?"
"$20."
She buys the white one.
A little later , another woman comes in and also wants to buy a dildо.
After asking the clerk for prices, she decides on the black one.
A third lady comes in for a dildо.
She checks the price of the white one , the black one and asks about the plaid one.
She makes her purchase and leaves.The proprietor returns and asks how things went.
"Great! I sold a white one, a black one, and I got thirty buck for your thermos!"

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Jokes about Women Money jokes Dirty jokes Masturbation jokes

The energizer bunny was arrested on a charge of battery.

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Technology Jokes Animal Jokes Prison Jokes

Some people wear Superman Underwear, Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear.
On the other hand, Chuck Norris wears no underwear.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Catholic Jokes Superhero Jokes

So God is getting a bit bored in heaven, and he asks his archangel Michael, "Michael, I need to get away from it all for a bit. Where should I go to clear my head?"
Michael replies, "Well, you could always go to Pluto. You could go create a mountain and ski, have a bit of fun."
God says, "No, I don't think so. I don't do so well with the cold, and frostbite was definitely not one of my better creations."
The archangels says, "Alright, well you could always try Mercury. It's nice and warm, you could just take a bit of time to relax, get a nice tan."
"Michael," God says, "do you see how white I am? I would burn to a crisp."
Michael replies, "Alright, well then why don't you go to Earth?"
"Fuск that," God says, "last time I went there I got some girl pregnant and I never heard the end of it."

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Kids Jokes God Jokes Sex Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes

Q: Why do German shower heads have 11 holes?
A: Jews have 10 fingers.

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Dark Humor Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Hitler Jokes

Q: Why didn't go Noah fishing?
A: He only had two worms.

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Animal Jokes Bible Jokes

Q: Why did the Atheist cross the road?
A: He thought there might be a street on the other side, but he wouldn't believe it until he tested his hypothesis.

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Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road Jokes Science jokes Atheist Jokes

Q: Why can't women read maps?
A: Because only the male mind can comprehend the concept of 1 inch equals a mile.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

Q: Where does a snowman keep his money?
A: In a snow bank.

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Money jokes Banker Jokes

Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan?
A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Dirty jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Drug Jokes Military Jokes Music and Musician Jokes What's The Difference Jokes

Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
A: I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

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Nationality Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?
A: Envelope.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Q: What kind of money do elves use?
A: Jingle bills!

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Money jokes

Q: What kind of doctor does a duck visit?
A: A Ducktor.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Q: What is white at the top and black at the bottom?
A: Society!

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes White people jokes

Q: What element is a girl's future best friend?
A: Carbon.

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Jokes about Women Friendship Jokes Chemistry Jokes Nerd jokes

Q: What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve?
A: I haven't seen you for a year!

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Dark Humor Jokes