Newest jokes - Page 64

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.
After 3 years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community, and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.
The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top which he had promised his wife. So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him. But, alas, Andy refused. He told the warden, ''Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place.''

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A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife:
"Dear husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"
The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replies in a letter:
"Dear wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money."
A week or so later, he receives another letter from his wife. "Dear husband, you wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house and dug up the back garden."
The prisoner writes back:
"Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Police Officer Jokes Prison Jokes

What do you call parachuting lawyers?
Skeet.

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Office and Work Jokes Lawyer Jokes

Q: How do you know you can't trust doctors and lawyers?
A: Because they both "practice" their professions.

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Office and Work Jokes Lawyer Jokes

Corporate Воотy Call... PowerPoint:
I know how to find your PowerPoint.

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Office and Work Jokes

Three women were at the doctor's office for the second trimester check up.
The first woman, a brunette, said that she was sure that she would have a girl because when she made love to her husband, she was on top! The second affirmed with certainty that she would have a boy, because she was on bottom. The blonde grabbed her head between her hands.
"Oh, сrар! Puppies."

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Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes

A blonde canvassed a wealthy neighborhood looking for odd jobs. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had anything for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
She replied, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her the paint was in the garage. A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50."
And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porsche; it's a Ferrari."

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Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes

The pope and a lawyer are on the elevator...
The pope and a lawyer are on the elevator to heaven. When they arrive at the gates, there's a mad rush of angels, saints, and other holy people on their way to greet them. When they arrive, they pick the lawyer up on their shoulders and carry him off cheering hysterically. The pope is deeply saddened. St. Peter sees this and goes over to him and says, "Don't feel bad. We get popes in here all the time, it's not every day we get a lawyer."

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Office and Work Jokes Lawyer Jokes

What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?
Chelsea Clinton.

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Office and Work Jokes Political Jokes Lawyer Jokes American Presidents Humor

Q: What does a plumber need to know about his job?
A: Sh*t runs downhill and payday is on Friday.

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Office and Work Jokes Gross Jokes

Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer and a pig?
A: Won't happen - there are some things even a pig won't do.

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Office and Work Jokes Lawyer Jokes

Bill has worked in a pickle factory for several years. One day he confesses to his wife that he has a terrible urge to stick his реnis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggests that he see a therapist to talk about it, but Bill vows to overcome this rash desire on his own.
A few weeks later, Bill returns home absolutely ashen. His wife asks, "What's wrong, Bill?"
"Do you remember how I told you about my tremendous urge to put my реnis into the pickle slicer?"
His wife gasps, "My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill - I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, um, she got fired, too."

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes God Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A man goes to his doctor's office to get his реnis enlarged.
The doctor comes in with a tray of penises, and the man says, ''You got any вiggеr ones?'' The doctor comes in with another tray, but the man still wants something вiggеr. The doctor comes in with yet another tray, and the man finally says, "I'll take one of those. But do you have any in white?"

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Office and Work Jokes

Corporate Воотy Call... Overtime:
I'd work overtime to reach synergy with you.

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Office and Work Jokes

A woman walks into her doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I need to lose weight fast."
The doctor replies, "Instead of putting food in your mouth, try putting it up your вuтт."
Two months later, she comes in and says, "Doctor, it's a dream come true. I'm half the size I was."
But the doctor notices that she is bouncing up and down. He asks, "Where did you get this twitch?"
The woman replies, "I don't have a nervous twitch; I'm chewing bubble gum."

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Gross Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Corporate Воотy Call... Offsite:
There's an offsite you need to attend at my place.

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Office and Work Jokes Dirty jokes

Corporate Воотy Call... Corner Office:
Let's discuss my raise in your corner office.

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Office and Work Jokes

Lawyers Off Bridge...
What do you call one lawyer thrown off a bridge into a river? Pollution. What do you call all the lawyers thrown off a bridge? Solution.

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Office and Work Jokes One-Liner Jokes Lawyer Jokes

What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.

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Office and Work Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Blonde Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Lawyer Jokes Black People Jokes

"I have good news and bad news," the defense lawyer says to his client.
"What's the bad news?"
The lawyer says, "Your blood matches the DNA found at the мurdеr scene."
"Dаммiт!" cries the client. "What's the good news?"
"Well," the lawyer says, "Your cholesterol is down to 140."

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Office and Work Jokes Lawyer Jokes

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