Newest jokes - Page 669

A young gаy man calls home and tells his Jewish mother that he has decided to go back into the closet because he has met a wonderful girl and they are going to be married. He tells his mother that he is sure she will be happier since he knows that his gаy lifestyle has been very disturbing to her. She responds that she is indeed delighted and asks tentatively, "I suppose it would be too much to hope that she would be Jewish?" He tells her that not only is the girl Jewish, but she’s from a wealthy Beverly Hills family. She admits she is overwhelmed by the news, and asks, "What is her name?" He answers, "Monica Lewinsky." There is a pause, then his mother asks, "What happened to that nice black boy you were dating last year?"

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I drink every night. I still haven't gotten over the fact that I don't have school tomorrow.

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School Jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

How did Barack Obama propose to Michelle Robinson?
He got down on one knee and said, "I don't wanna be Obama self.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Wedding jokes Political Jokes American Presidents Humor

The parents were very disappointed in the grades that their son brought home.
“The only consolation I can find in these awful grades,” lamented the
father, “is that I know he never cheated during his exams.”

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School Jokes

What's the difference between David Beckham and an airplane model kit?
One's a glueless kit and the other's a clueless giт!

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Sports Jokes Aviation Jokes

Young Susie was having trouble with her computer so she called Wes, the computer guy, over to her desk. Wes clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away Susie called after him, "So, what was wrong?" And he replied, "It was an 'ID ten T' error." A puzzled expression ran riot over Susie's face. " 'An ID ten T' error? What's that, in case I need to fix it again?" He gave her a grin. "Haven't you ever seen an 'ID ten T' error before?" Susie replied, "No."
"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out." . . . . . . . . . . I D 1 0 T .

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Technology Jokes

What's grosser than gross?
Two vampires fighting over a вlооdy тамроn.
What's grosser than that?
Finding a used соndом on the bottom of a mayonnaise jar.
What's grosser than that?
When you open the refigerator and the ruмр rost farts in your face.
You want to know what's grosser than that?
When you sit on your grandpa's lap and he pops a воnеr.
But the one thing that is grosser than that is when you are siting on your grandma's lap and she pops a воnеr.

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Gross Jokes Vampire jokes

A man was driving along the road when all of a sudden he has to swerve to avoid a box falling off the lorry in front.
Seconds later a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving.
As the policeman starting writing the ticket he noticed the box was full of nails and tacks.
"I had to serve or I'd have run over those and blown my tyres!" protested the driver.
"Ok", replied the officer, ripping up the ticket, "but I'm still bringing you in."
"What for?" retorted the man.
"Tacks evasion", answered the policeman.

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Police Officer Jokes Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Men jokes Tax jokes

During a recent password audit, our I.T. discovered a blonde was using the following password:
MikeMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyRome
When they asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

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Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are walking by a mall.A policeman starts running after them, so they start running too.They come upon 3 sacks and jump into them.The cop stops and kicks the 1st sack and the brunette says "Meow."The cop says, "Oh, it's only a cat."He kicks the 2nd sack and the redhead says "Woof."The cop says, "Oh, it's only a dog."Then he comes up to the third sack and kicks it.The blonde says "Potatoes".And the cop says "Oh, it's only a sack of potatoes!"Do you know why the cop didn't catch her?Because he was a blonde too!

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Blonde Jokes Police Officer Jokes

A preacher, newly called to a small country town, needed to mail a letter. Passing a young boy on the street, the pastor asked where he could find the post office.

After getting his answer, the minister thanked the boy and said, “If you’ll come to the community church this evening, you can hear me tell everyone how to get to heaven.”

“I don’t know, sir,” the boy replied. “You don’t even know how to get to the post office.”

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Religion jokes Office and Work Jokes

An old man and old woman got married and went on their honeymoon.
They were in bed getting ready to have sеx for the first time and the old woman said, "I should tell you I have acute angina."
The old man says, "I hope so. You sure don't have cute тiтs."

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Sex Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Relationship Jokes Boob Jokes

Q: What do you call a man with no body, and only a nose?
A: Nobody knows.

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Communication Jokes

THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY!!!

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One-Liner Jokes Friday jokes

What’s the difference between feminists and boxers?
Lightweight boxers exist.

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Feminist Jokes Hitler Jokes Sexist Jokes What's The Difference Jokes

Just before Easter, I remarked to my husband that with the children grown and away from home, this was the first year that we hadn’t dyed eggs and had an Easter-egg hunt.

“That’s all right, honey,” he said. “We can just hide each other’s vitamin pills.”

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Easter Jokes

Leaflet thru my door this morning:
“ARE YOU AN ALCOHOLIC?
CALL NOW!
WE CAN HELP.
“I called….It was a Liquor Shop offer: “Buy 5 & get 2 free”!

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Bad Habits Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

The doctor finished examining my wife and beckoned me to a private room.
“The bad news is that I found an ugly growth on your wife’s neck”
“It’s called a head. I feel sorry for you.”

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Rude Jokes News and Politics Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Ugly Jokes Military Jokes

Women and children first because men deserve a little quiet time before the ship sinks.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sexist Jokes

In today's news...32 more planets were found outside of our solar system bringing the total to 400. And..., not a sign of intelligent life, not even here.

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News and Politics Jokes Sci-Fi Jokes

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