Newest jokes - Page 670

What is the fiercest flower in the garden?
The tiger lily.

22 0

Animal Jokes

During late spring one year, a blonde was trying out her new boat. She was unable to have her boat perform, travel through water, or do any maneuvers whatsoever no matter how hard she tried.
After trying for over three days to make it work properly, she decided to seek help. She putted the boat over to the local marina in hopes that someone there could identify her problem.
Workers determined that everything from the engine to the outdrive was working perfectly on the topside of the boat. So, a puzzled marina employee jumped into the water to check underneath the boat for problems. Because he was laughing so hard, he came up choking on water and gasping for air. Under the boat, still strapped in place securely, was the trailer.

70 0

Blonde Jokes

Why did the sреrм cross the road?
I put the wrong socks on this morning.

0 0

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

Two Arkansans meet on a dusty, country road. One of them is carrying a big bag, labeled chickens.
"Chickens, eh?" says his friend. "Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?"
"Heck," says the guy with the bag. "You guess right, I'll give you both of 'em."
"Um...five?"

0 0

Friendship Jokes Blue Collar Jokes

What did the dead dog say to its owner.
Nothing. It's dead..

14 0

Dark Humor Jokes Anti-Humor Jokes Dog jokes

A baby was born that was so advanced that he could talk. He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor. "Are you my doctor?" he asked.
"Yes, I am."
The baby said, "Thank you for taking such good care of me during birth."
He looked at his mother and asked, "Are you my mother?"
"Yes, I am," she said.
"Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born," he said.
He then looked at his father and asked, "Are you my father?"
"Yes, I am," his father answered.
The baby motioned him to come closer, then poked him on the forehead with his index finger 5 times, saying, "I want you to know that that hurts!"

54 0

Medical and Doctor Jokes

My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me, when I was a little boy myself, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigors of blacksmithing. One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulder muscles. He said he would stand outside behind the house and, with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out to his sides and hold them there as long as he could.

After awhile he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 50 pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100 pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than a full minute.

Next, he started putting potatoes in the sacks.

0 0

Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Grandparent Jokes

"Oh God," sighed the wife one morning, "I'm convinced my mind is almost completely gone!"Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented, "I'm not surprised: You've been giving me a piece of it every day for twenty years!"

38 0

One-Liner Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes God Jokes

Handy hint: Feed your baby onions so you can find it in the dark.

22 0

Kids Jokes

One day Little Billy is at school showing off his new Spiderman watch. When Little Johnny spots it he asks, “How did you get that watch?”
“I walked in on my Mum & Dad having sеx.” explained Billy “My Dad shouted at me, then later came to apologise and bought me this new watch to say sorry”.
That night Johnny had a plan, he’d stay awake until he heard his Mum & Dad getting down to it and then burst in on them and maybe get a watch for himself. Everything went to plan and as he burst in shouting,
“I wanna watch!”
“Go get yourself a chair and be quiet then.” replied his Dad.

0 0

Sex Jokes School Jokes

My wife constantly complains that I never listen to her… Or something like that.

26 0

Marriage and Family Jokes

I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks "Are you reading that?" I didn’t know what to say.
So I said yes.
I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.

26 0

Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

Minds are like parachutes.they only work when they're open
Money is like a promise, easier made than kept

28 0

Office and Work Jokes Money jokes

Racism is going to end. 'Cause the way we're messing with the ozone layers, soon all white people are going to be black.

0 0

Nationality Jokes

A young gаy man calls home and tells his Jewish mother that he has decided to go back into the closet because he has met a wonderful girl and they are going to be married. He tells his mother that he is sure she will be happier since he knows that his gаy lifestyle has been very disturbing to her. She responds that she is indeed delighted and asks tentatively, "I suppose it would be too much to hope that she would be Jewish?" He tells her that not only is the girl Jewish, but she’s from a wealthy Beverly Hills family. She admits she is overwhelmed by the news, and asks, "What is her name?" He answers, "Monica Lewinsky." There is a pause, then his mother asks, "What happened to that nice black boy you were dating last year?"

0 0

Political Jokes News and Politics Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

I drink every night. I still haven't gotten over the fact that I don't have school tomorrow.

0 0

School Jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

How did Barack Obama propose to Michelle Robinson?
He got down on one knee and said, "I don't wanna be Obama self.

0 0

Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Wedding jokes Political Jokes American Presidents Humor

The parents were very disappointed in the grades that their son brought home.
“The only consolation I can find in these awful grades,” lamented the
father, “is that I know he never cheated during his exams.”

21 0

School Jokes

What's the difference between David Beckham and an airplane model kit?
One's a glueless kit and the other's a clueless giт!

24 0

Sports Jokes Aviation Jokes

Young Susie was having trouble with her computer so she called Wes, the computer guy, over to her desk. Wes clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away Susie called after him, "So, what was wrong?" And he replied, "It was an 'ID ten T' error." A puzzled expression ran riot over Susie's face. " 'An ID ten T' error? What's that, in case I need to fix it again?" He gave her a grin. "Haven't you ever seen an 'ID ten T' error before?" Susie replied, "No."
"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out." . . . . . . . . . . I D 1 0 T .

0 0

Technology Jokes

Latest Jokes