Newest jokes - Page 830

What’s the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don’t get angry when you toss a salad.

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This Antarctican family decided to color eggs for Easter.
They agreed to dye them all white.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Easter Jokes

A new wife prepared to bake a ham to celebrate their first Easter together. She carefully cut off each end of the ham before placing it in the pan.

Her husband asked her why she did that and she replied, "I don't know, it's what my mother always did. But I can ask her."

She called Mom, who responded, "I always saw your Grandma do it, so I did the same."

They decided to check further, so the young woman called Grandma, who explained, "It was the only way I could get it to fit into my pan."

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Easter Jokes

A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move.
“No thank you.” she said politely. “This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I’m keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love.”
“That must be rather difficult.” the man replied.
“Oh, I don’t mind too much.” she said. “But, it has my husband pretty upset.”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Bad Habits Jokes

A guy comes home completely drunк one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy.
“Where the hеll have you been all night?” she demands.
“At this new bar,” he says. “The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It’s got huge golden doors, a golden floor and even the urinаl’s gold!”
The wife still doesn’t believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband’s story. “Is this the Golden Saloon?” she asks when the bartender answers the phone.
“Yes it is,” bartender answers. “Do you have huge golden doors?”
“Sure do.”
“Do you have golden floors?”
“Most certainly do.”
“What about golden urinals?”
There’s a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, “Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that рissеd in your saxophone last night!”

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Jokes about Women Bad Habits Jokes

I’m not saying my wife is ugly, but I always sit on my hand first before fingеring her, just so it feels like someone else is doing it.

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Ugly Jokes

Why are there so many beautiful women in Scandinavia?
Because the Vikings left all the ugly fuскеrs in Scotland.

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Jokes about Women Ugly Jokes

I saw a woman walking alone in the street last night so I stopped beside her.
I said, “Can I give you a lift home?”
“No thanks, I’d rather walk” she replied.
“Is it because I’m a stranger?” I asked.
She said, “No, it’s because you’re on a Segway.”

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Jokes about Women Stupid Jokes

Staggering through town late last night, when I came across a group of women out celebrating.
I shouted the usual for a laugh, “Show me your тiтs, girls!”
To my surprise all of them obliged giving me a quick flash before replying back, “Show us your nuts, handsome!”
So, I started licking the lamp post and waving my arms about.

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Jokes about Women Stupid Jokes Boob Jokes

How many men does it take to open a вееr?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Sexist Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Beer Jokes

There's a new drug for lеsвiаns on the market to cure depression, it's called Trycoxagain.

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Sexist Jokes

A woman and her son were taking a cab in New York City. It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the awnings.
“Mom,” said the little boy, “what are all those women doing?”
“They’re waiting for their husbands to get off work,” she replied.
The cabbie turns around and says, “Geez lady, why don’t you tell him the truth? They ‘re hookers, boy! They have sеx with men for money.”
The little boy’s eyes get wide and he says, “Is that true, Mom?”
His mother, glaring hard at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative.
After a few minutes, the kid asks, “Mom, what happens to the babies those women have?”
“Most of them become cab drivers,” she said.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

Last year, I went to America on a mountain climbing holiday. I had an accident, and fell 30ft.
I broke both my legs and was bleeding heavily.
I managed to make it to a road, where I flagged down a car which drove me to the hospital.
I crawled into the waiting room, and two nurses ran over to me.
“Oh my God, are you alright?” one of them shouted.
I said, “I’m absolutely fine, why do you ask?” before passing out.
After waking up in the same spot 6 hours later, I realised there’s a time and a place for sarcasm.

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God Jokes USA Jokes Sarcasm Jokes Nurse jokes

Remember, You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
~Wisdom From the Grizzled Old Man on a Park Bench with a Flask in a Paper Bag ~

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Men jokes Philosophy Jokes

STALL WALL SCRAWL
From a Women’s Restroom
Diск’s Last Resort
Dallas, TX
A Woman’s Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles…
you’re going to have trouble with it.

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Jokes about Women Philosophy Jokes

When does a black guy type the fastest... When he trying to guess the Alarm code.

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Black People Jokes

Why do black women where high heels? So their knuckles don't drag.

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Jokes about Women Black People Jokes

A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie. It’ll be fun."
"Ok,” the mom and son reply happily. “Let me start,” says the son. “Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom. “I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son. “Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games.” Says the mom. “Your right!” He replies. “I’ll go next,” says the dad. I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII."
"Hmm… Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom.” Says the son. “The lie isn’t that your adopted.” Says the dad.

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Food Jokes Old People Jokes Love Jokes School Jokes

Two muffins are sitting in an oven and one says to the other:
"Man, it's hot in here!"
The other one says:
"Ah! A talking muffin!"

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Men jokes Life Jokes Food Jokes Communication Jokes

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence–a life sentence.
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings":
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Life Jokes Wedding jokes Love Jokes

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