Animal Jokes - Page 7

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink.
Unfortunately, the locals had a habit of picking on strangers. So when he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head and fired a shot into the ceiling. ''WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HOSS?'' he yelled.
No one answered.
''ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHA' ВЕЕR, AND IF MY HOSS AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS! AND I DON'T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS!''
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The cowboy had another вееr, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, ''Say partner, before you go. . .what happened in Texas?''
The cowboy turned back and said, ''I had to walk home.''

43 0

A Horse Walks Into a Bar...
A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

0 0

Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Animal Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Beauty Jokes Communication Jokes

The Taco Веll Chihuahua, a Doberman and a bulldog are in a doggie bar having a drink when a good-looking female collie comes up to them and says, ''Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me.
'' The Doberman says, ''I love liver and cheese.'' The collie replies, ''That's not good enough.'' The bulldog says, ''I hate liver and cheese.'' She says, ''That's not creative.'' Finally the Chihuahua says, ''Liver alone - cheese mine.''

20 0

Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, "Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?"
Then the lady answered, "Excuse me, I think this is a goose."
And the bartender says, ''Excuse me , I was talking to the goose.''

22 0

Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

Yoga Instructor Воотy Call... Past:
In my past life I was a horse; now I'm just hung like one.

0 0

Pick-Up Lines Jokes Animal Jokes

Pirate Воотy Call... Whale:
How'd ya like to breach my sреrм whale? Yar!

0 0

Pick-Up Lines Jokes Animal Jokes Pirate Jokes

Clown Воотy Call... Poodles:
Can my dancing poodles watch? Honk honk!

0 0

Pick-Up Lines Jokes Animal Jokes

Dinosaur Воотy Call... Name:
Curious to see why they call me a "please-you-a-saur?"

0 0

Pick-Up Lines Jokes Animal Jokes

Dinosaur Воотy Call... Аss:
Hatchling, you put the "аss" in Jurassic.

0 0

Pick-Up Lines Jokes Animal Jokes

What happens when you put the batteries in BACKWARDS in the Energizer Bunny?
He keeps coming and coming and coming...

10 0

Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Technology Jokes Animal Jokes

What do Brittany Spears and PEPSI have in common?
They both have plastic juggs.

1 0

Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Animal Jokes Vagina Jokes

Q: Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
A: Because she gets a frog in her throat at 69.

14 0

Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Animal Jokes

Q: Why do bees hum?
A: They don't know the words.

0 0

Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Animal Jokes

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students.The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal:
"What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a соw have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered, why would she ask such a question! Harry replied: "Pockets."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"
Ms. Brooks: What's starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?
Harry: "Coconut."The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open. Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer.
Harry: "Bubble gum"
Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands."
The principal was trembling. Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong!"

60 0

School Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes Dogs Sleeping Anywhere Men jokes Student jokes Dog jokes

Q: Why are fish so smart?
A: They live in schools.

28 0

School Jokes Animal Jokes

Little Johnny's teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail.
Little Johnny says, "De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail."

28 0

School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Animal Jokes

Q: What did the dad buffalo say to his son on the first day of school?
A: Bison

35 0

School Jokes Animal Jokes Dad Jokes

Little Johnny's first grade class was playing "Name That Animal." The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, "What animal is this?"
"A cat!" said Suzy.
"Good job. Now, what's this animal?"
"A dog!" said Ricky.
"Good. Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.
The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "It's what your mom calls your dad."
"I know!" called out Little Johnny. "A hоrny ваsтаrd!"

39 0

School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

This guy was having a problem with mice in his apartment. "Dude," he told a friend, "I've tried everything and those dамn mice keep coming back."
"I had the same thing man," his friend says. "All you have to do is stuff steel wool in their little holes."
"That's it?" the guy asked. "I'll do it tonight if it means getting rid of the dамn rodents."
About a week later the guy gets a call. "How's it going with the mice, buddy?"
"Not so good, dude."
"What's the problem?" his friend asks. "To be honest, I'm having a lot of trouble holding their little legs apart."

40 0

School Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes

Q:What do you do to an elephant with three ...
Q: What do you do to an elephant with three ваlls?
A: Walk him and pitch to the rhinoceros!

0 0

Sports Jokes Animal Jokes