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Animal Jokes

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What would you get if you crossed a grizzly with the world's greatest basketball player?
Bear Jordan.
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Sports Jokes Animal Jokes
What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
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Animal Jokes Love Jokes
A man came home from the bar with an unknown woman. He woke up in the morning and yelled,
"A crocodile, a crocodile!"
The woman woke up and asked,
"Where, where?"
A man cried again,
"O-o-oh, the crocodile is talking!"
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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes
You said it was a great horse and it is.
It took twenty other horses to beat him!
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Animal Jokes
Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
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Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Japanese Jokes
Some say Chuck once sneezed a rhino inside out.
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Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes
What do cows call Frank Sinatra?
Old Moo Eyes.
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Animal Jokes Music and Musician Jokes
So this rетаrdеd blind couple just lives in Guantanamo Bay.
The prison warden told us soon these little fishies would grow gills.
So we have been feeding our fishies since 911 they all been fed really well.
In our daily water events until I told my wife, "there is a problem these fish haven't grown any gills."
So we told the Warden and he laughed he said:
"You know what you've been doing since 911 the blind couple relied on what!"
The warden replied, "well you've been waterboarding convicted isis terrorists!"
The blind couple said,
"What happens to the fishes?"
The warden replied, "well they are dead of course!"
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Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes Terrorist jokes Prison Jokes Sick and Death Jokes
What did the соw wear to the football game?
A Jersey.
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Animal Jokes Soccer Jokes
What's black and white and green?
A frog sitting on a newspaper.
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Animal Jokes
What do reindeer say before telling you a joke?
This one will sleigh you.
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Animal Jokes
What South American dance do cows like to do?
The Ruмр-a.
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Animal Jokes Music and Musician Jokes American Jokes
How do snails get their shells all shiny?
They use snail polish.
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Animal Jokes
"Does your dog bite?"
"No."
(Tries to touch dog. Dog bites him)
"Argh! I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!"
"That is not my dog."
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Animal Jokes Dog jokes
Three mice in a pub having a bevy discussing who's the hardest.
1st mouse says I'm the hardest I go up to mousetraps rip the cheese out and as the bar comes down i bench press it 30 times and throw it across the room!
2nd mouse says : you рооf! I get rat poison' crush it into powder and snort it.
3rd mouse finishes his drink, gets up and walks to the door, where are you going? asked the other 2.
Home he replied to shаg the cat!
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Animal Jokes
How do you shoot a great white shark?
Hold his nose until he turns blue and then you shoot him with a blue shark spear gun.
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Animal Jokes
If it looks like chicken tastes like chicken and smells like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef then it's beef.
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Food Jokes Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes
Patty was sitting in her back yard digging a hole to bury her dead goldfish. Mrs. Johnson, who lived next door, was watching her over the fence.
Mrs. Johnson said,
"Patty, what are you doing?"
Patty said,
"I'm digging a hole to bury my dead goldfish."
Mrs. Johnson said,
"Patty, don't you think that hole is a little BIG for a goldfish?"
Patty said,
"No... It's inside your dамn cat!"
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Little Nancy's Pet großes Grab Το χρυσόψαρo Неделя сутрин, Нане копае дупка в градината си. Вуте: Малката Виктория вече закопаваше дупката под дървото в градината, когато иззад оградата се показа приветливото лице на съседа, достопочтения мистъра Уолтър. Маленька дівчинка закопує ямку в пісочниці. Сусід, що проходить повз неї, запитує: Маленькая девочка закапывает ямку в песочнице, когда проходящий мимо сосед ее спрашивает:. One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard. The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate. Вовочка был в саду и закапывал какую-то ямку, когда к нему через за! бор заглянул сосед. Заинтересовавшись, чем это занят розовощекий мальчуган, он вежливо спрашивает: Mariazinha está cavando um buraco no quintal, quando seu vizinho olha por cima da cerca.,- O que você está fazendo menina?,- Meu peixinho morreu, então eu estou cavando um buraco para enterrá-lo.,O vizinho sorri:,- Mas esse buraco não está muito grande para um peixinho... Un hombre encuentra a su vecino cavando un hoyo en el patio y le preguntó: - Hola vecino, ¿qué haces? - Cavo un hoyo para enterrar a mi pez - ¿Y no es un agujero demasiado grande? - ¡Es que el pez está dentro de tu maldito gato! Une petite fille creuse un grand trou dans le jardin familial en pleurant a chaudes larmes. Le voisin, par dessus la haie, l'apercoit et lui demande: - qu'est ce qui t'arrive ? - mon poisson rouge est mort. Alors je l'enterre... snif... - et tu fais un aussi grand trou pour ton petit poisson... Little Mathieu was digging in his garden a hole. The next door neighbor saw him and asked; "Why are you digging the dirt Mathieu?" "My goldfish died, and I have to bury it." "Oh, I’m so sorry! But, isn’t that hole too big for a small goldfish?" "Indeed, it is! But my goldfish is inside your... Petit Tom était dans le jardin entrain de creuser un trou quand son voisin le dévisagea au-dessus de la barrière. Intéressé par ce que faisait le jeune effronté, il lui demanda poliment. - Mais que... Mała Zosia siedziała w ogrodzie zasypując dołek, kiedy przez siatkę zajrzał sąsiad. Zainteresował się, co porabia dziewczynka: - Co tam robisz Zosiu? - Moja złota rybka właśnie umarła - odpowiada... Lille Johnny er i gang med at grave et stort hul ude i haven da naboen kommer forbi og spørger hvad han laver. - “Min guld fisk er død så jeg begraver den” siger johnny. - “Så stort et hul behøver... Um sujeito estava no jardim de sua casa quando vê o vizinho, no jardim ao lado, cavando um buraco. Curioso, ele se aproxima da cerca que divide as duas casas e pergunta ao vizinho: — O que você... De var en gång en liten pojke som satt bakom hans hus och grävde en grav till hans döda guldfisk då tittade den nyfikna grannkärringen fram över staketet och sa: - Vad gör du? - Jag gräver en grop... Kalle höll på att gräva en grop i sin trädgård när granntanten tittar över staketet och säger: - Hej Kalle! Vad gräver du för något? - Min guldfisk har dött och jag ska begrava den. - Men är inte... Une petite fille creuse un trou avec sa pelle. Le voisin l'aperçoit et lui dit: - Qu'est-ce que tu enterres là? La gamine, sans le regarder, dit d'un ton froid : - J'enterre mon poisson rouge qui... One day little Johnny is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decides to investigate. “Whatcha doin?” he asked. Johnny replies, “My goldfish died and I`m burying him.”... - Mit csinálsz Marika? - Gödröt ások, temetem az aranyhalamat. - Nem kell olyan nagy gödröt ásni egy halnak. - Csakhogy a halam a maga macskájában van. Morguh Jenny! Wat ben je aan het doen? Mijn goudvis is dood dus ik begraaf hem Haha, gekke meid! Dan hoef je toch niet zo'n groot gat te graven Wel, want hij zit in die kutkat van jou!
Animal Jokes
It's call a Chuck Steak because Chuck just kicked that соw's вuтт.
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Food Jokes Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes
Some scientists decided to do the following experiments on a dog.
For the first experiment, they cut one of the dog's legs off, then they told the dog to walk.
The dog got up and walked, so they they learned that a dog could walk with just three legs.
For the second experiment, they cut off a second leg from the dog, then they told the dog once more to walk.
The dog was still able to walk with only two legs.
For the third experiment, they cut off yet another leg from the dog and once more they told the dog to walk.
However, the dog wasn't able to walk with only one leg.
As a result of these three experiments, the scientists wrote in their final report that the dog had lost it's hearing after having three legs cut off.
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Animal Jokes Science jokes Dog jokes
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