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Blonde Jokes

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A man entered the bus with both of his front pants pockets full ofgolf ваlls, and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf ваlls".
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully andfinally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked."Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
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Blonde Jokes
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting.
The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver--"PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "SCARF!"
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One-Liner Jokes Blonde Jokes
Thers a Blonde at a computer trying to play a game and it says "press any key to begin" and shes looking at the computer trying to find the any key
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Blonde Jokes Computer Jokes
Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
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Blonde Jokes School Jokes Beauty Jokes Stupid Jokes
A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, " Officer, I'm so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!"
The officer looks at her, then says, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener."
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Blonde Jokes Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Police Officer Jokes Stupid Jokes
One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened. The blonde said that her mother had passed away. The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left. The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again. She asked her why she was crying this time. The blonde said, "I just got off of the phone with my sister. Her mother died too!"
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A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. A loira chega no trabalho em lágrimas. O chefe, sempre solícito com a loira pergunta o que aconteceu: — Hoje de manhã, antes de sair para o trabalho, recebi um telefonema dizendo que minha mãe morreu! O chefe propõe imediatamente: — Rose, volte para casa imediatamente. Vá descansar. — Não quero —... Une blonde en larmes arrive au bureau, immédiatement, son patron vient la voir : Mais que se passe-t-il ma petite Georgette ? Georgette explique : - Ce matin, juste avant de partir travailler, j'ai reçu un coup de fil qui m'annonçait la mort de ma grand-mère. Le patron propose immédiatement : -... Llega una secretaria llorando con tremendo llanto a su oficina. El jefe preocupado, entra a la oficina de ésta para ver cuál era el problema. ¡Ay, que tristeza! ¿Qué te pasa, por qué lloras tanto?... O executivo chega ao escritório e vê sua secretária (que é loira) chorando. - O que aconteceu dona Paula ? - Pergunta para ela. - Minha avó, que mora na Itália, morreu! - responde ela, entre... En blondine sidder inde på sit arbejde og græder. Til sidst spørger chefen hende: jamen hvad er der dog galt? Blondinen svarer: “Jamen det er fordi min mor lige er død”. “Det er jeg ked af at høre”... Det var en blondine som sad og græd på sit kontor. Chefen kom forbi og spurgte hvad der var galt. Blondinen: De har lige ringet fra hospitalet, min mor er død. Chefen kondolerer. 2½ time senere... Un hombre visita a su vecina. La mujer rubia está llorando porque su madre había muerto. El hombre la consuela, le prepara café, y luego se marcha. Al día siguiente, vuelve el hombre a casa de la... En blondin sitter och gråter på jobbet. Hennes chef frågar vad det är och hon snyftar: - Min mamma dog igår. - Oj, säger chefen, det måste vara jobbigt för dig. Om du vill får du ta ledigt resten... Blondinen kommer gråtende på jobb. Sjefen spør: - «Hva har skjedd?» «Moren min har dødd», svarer blondinen. Sjefen ber henne gå hjem, men hun sier det går greit. Senere på dagen finner sjefen henne...
Blonde Jokes Coffee Jokes
A blonde comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls the fire department on her cell phone.
"Please state the nature of your emergency," says the operator.
"Help! My house is on fire!" the blonde replies.
"Okay, where do you live?"
"In a house you silly billy!" the blonde replies.
"No,no! How do we get there?" the operator asks frustratedly.
"Duh! Big Red Truck!!"
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Някакъв се обажда в пожарната: Пожар Blonde on Fire Блондинка предизвиква пожар в къщата си и звъни на пожарната. От там и отговарят: "Ist da die Feuerwehr? Hier brennt es !" - "Keine Panik, wie kommen wir denn zu Ihnen?" - "Haben Sie denn nicht mehr diese roten, schnellen Autos?" Мужик звонит пожарным и орет: - Помогите! Мой дом горит! Быстрее сюда! Диспетчер: - Как к вам доехать?" Мужик: - Вы, что совсем того?! На большой красной машине! Ein Anruf bei der Feuerwehr: “Hilfe bei mir brennt es!” Der Leitstellendisponent: “Ja, wie kommen wir denn zu Ihnen?” Anrufer: “Haben Sie nicht mehr die großen roten Autos?” - Halló, tűzoltóság? Kérem, jöjjenek gyorsan, ég a házam! - És hogy jutunk el Önhöz? - Miért? Már nincs meg az a szép piros autójuk? O blonda Suna la pompieri ca sa raporteze un incendiu in cartier. Operatorul il intreaba: - Cum ajungem acolo? - Pai nu mai aveti masinile alea mari si Rosii? Die Blondine ruft aufgeregt in den Telefonhörer: "Es brennt, es brennt! Machen Sie bitte schnell!" Der Feuerwehrmann am anderen Ende: "Wie kommen wir denn zu Ihnen?" Blondine: "Ja, haben Sie denn... Eine ältere Dame ruft die Feuerwehr an: "Es brennt! Es brennt! So kommen Sie doch! Es brennt! Es brennt!" Fragt der Feuerwehrmann: "Wie kommen wir denn zu Ihnen?" Fragt die Dame: "Ja - haben Sie...
Blonde Jokes Phone jokes
A trucker stops at a red light and a blonde catches up to him. She knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load. "
The trucker just ignores her, the light changes, and he proceeds down the street. At the next light, the blonde again catches up and says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load. "
He ignores her again and continues down the street. At the next red light the blonde catches up, all out of breath, knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load. "
The trucker looks at her and finally he says, "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's snowing, and I'm driving a salt truck. "
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Blonde Jokes Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Communication Jokes
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the сriме. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'
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Blonde Jokes Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes Police Officer Jokes Dog jokes
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right вrеаsт hanging out.A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"She says, "Why, officer?""Because your вrеаsт is hanging out."She looks down and says, "OH MY GOODNESS! I left the baby on the bus again!"
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Blonde Jokes God Jokes Police Officer Jokes Baby Jokes
A blonde, a brunette, and a man are driving in their pick-up truck. The brunette was sitting up front with the man and the blonde was in the back. While driving across a bridge the man lost control of the truck and drove over the side of the bridge. After the truck had sunk, the man and brunette fought their way out of the cab and surfaced. A couple of minutes later the blonde came out of the water, panting and breathless. "Where have you been?" asked the man. "I can't believe you left me down there! I couldn't get the tailgate open!"
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Blonde Jokes
A brunette who really hated blondes was walking through the desert when she came across a magic lamp. After rubbing the lamp the genie told her that she got three wishes with one catch: All the blondes in the world would get twice whatever she asked for. So the brunette thought a while and then wished for a million dollars. 'Every blonde in the world will get two million.' The brunette said that was fine and then she asked for an incredibly handsome man. 'Every blonde in the world will get two incredibly handsome men.' The brunette said that was fine too and the genie granted her wishes. 'Now for your third wish.' said the genie. 'See that stick over there?', asked the brunette, 'I want you to beat me half to death with it.'
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A man stumbles across an old lamp while he was at his attorney's office. Een man loopt op het strand en vindt een lamp. Hij wrijft de lamp schoon en plots verschijnt een geest. De geest zegt: "U mag drie wensen doen, alleen alles wat u wenst krijgt uw schoonmoeder... A man found a genie in a magic lamp and was granted three wishes. The genie said, "For every wish you make, your wife gets two." The man asked for a car and the genie gave his wife two. Then the...
Blonde Jokes Money jokes Men jokes Genie jokes Sick and Death Jokes
A blonde woman is driving down the road. She notices that she's low on gas, so she stops at a gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself.
She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is faring.
Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying, "A little more to the left...a little more to the right!..."
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Blonde Jokes Jokes about Women Car and driving jokes
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's
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Blonde Loses Sweet Job ¿Por qué echaron a los gallegos de la fabrica de m&m's?. Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? Hvorfor blev blondinen fyret fra m&m fabrikken? – Fordi hun sorterede alle dem fra med W på.
Blonde Jokes
A business man got on an elevator.when he entered,there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright ,"t-g-i-f"
He smiled at her and replied,"s-h-i-t"
She looked puzzled,and repeated,"t-g-i-f".
More slowly he answered,"s-h-i-t"
The blonde was trying to keep it friendly,so,she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly,"t-g-i-f"
The man smiled back to her and once again"s-h-i-t".
The exasperated blonde decided to explain what "t-g-i-f" means "thank goodness it`s friday",get it duuhhh?
The man answered"s-h-i-t" means "sorry honey it`s thursday."
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Blonde Jokes Friday jokes
A blonde walks into a restaurant to get some lunch, and while she's deciding on what she wants a waitress comes up. The blonde looks up and notices the waitress's name tag on her shirt...
"Gee, that's nice. What did you name the other one?"
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One-Liner Jokes Blonde Jokes Restaurant Jokes
A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid.
Tomorrow morning put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the North side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde."
The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the Blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree.
The Blonde opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
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Blonde Jokes Money jokes Kids Jokes
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blond begins to slide from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway.
The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious of its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blond attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune Frank, a Wal-Mart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.
...... And you thought all they did was say Hello.
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Blonde Jokes Animal Jokes Customer service jokes
Q: What do you call a dead blonde in a closet? A: Last years hide and go seek winner.
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Blondinen i skabet Hvad kalder man en død blondine der sidder i et skab? - Vinderen af sidste års gemmeleg. Vaaleatukkainen luuranko WC:ssä. Mikä se on? - Viime vuoden "Piiloudu & etsi" -kilpailun voittaja. Qu'est ce que le squelette d'une blonde dans un placard? La gagnante du concours de cache-cache de l'année passée! Wie nennt man eine tote Blondine auf dem Klo? Letztjährige Gewinnerin im Versteckspielen. What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet? Hide-and-go-seek winner from last year. P:O que é um esqueleto com uma peruca dentro de um armário??? R:Vencedora do campeonato de esconde,esconde de 1954 - Ce este scheletul unei blonde intr-un sifonier? - Castigatoarea campionatului de-a v-ati ascunselea de anul trecut. Víte kdo je kostlivec ve skříni? . Loňský vítěz hry na schovávanou
Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps tables for players when a gorgeous blonde lady walked in and asked if they minded if she bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nакеd."
With that, she stripped off all her clothes and then rolled the dice while yelling "Come on baby, momma needs new clothes!"
She then jumped up and down, hugging each of the casino dealers while yelling "YES, I WIN! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, I WIN!!"
With that, she picked up her winnings and clothes and quickly left.
The dealers stood there staring at each other dumbfounded, until one finally asked the other, "What the hеll did she roll anyway?" The second dealer answered, "I thought you were paying attention!"
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Плавуша во казино Καζίνο. Влиза красива блондинка в казино, слага 20000 евро на едно число и казва на мъжете около масата: Казино... Ранно утро. Засукана мацка приближава към рулетката: Two croupiers are sitting bored at the roulette of THE CASINO. Eine Blondine geht ins Spielkasino. Dort angekommen verkündet sie, dass sie ihr ganzes Geld auf eine Zahl setzen wird. Zu den zwei verantwortlichen Angestellten sagt sie, während die Kugel ins Spiel kommt: "Ich glaube nicht, dass es euch interessiert, aber ich habe mehr Glück, wenn ich... Згодна надарена плавуша влегува во казино, вади 10.000 евра и им вели на мажите околу масата: - Се надевам дека нема да ви смета ако се соблечам гола, така имам повеќе среќа. Мажите се согласиле, таа се соблекла, ги фрлила коцките и вели: - Ајде коцкички, ајде, ми требаат нови алишта. Коцките... Iki gazino krupyesi canlari sikkin, rulet masasi basinda musteri bekliyorlardi. Bu sirada cazibeli bir sarisin elinde USD 20.000 lik fisle masaya dogru yaklasti ve - "Pardon oynayabilir miyiz?"... Muito bonita e gostosa, a loira entra pela porta do cassino. Vai ao caixa, troca cinco mil dólares por fichas e segue para mesa da roleta. Para espanto de todos que estavam jogando, ela avisa que... An attractive Irish blonde  at a Casino seemed a little Intoxicated She bet 10,000 Euro on a single Roll of dice  and said: “I hope u don’t mind, but I feel Luckier when I am in my birthday... Een knappe blonde vrouw, met alles erop en eraan, wandelt een casino binnen en loopt recht naar de tafel waar gedobbeld wordt. Ze legt € 10.000 op tafel en zet alles meteen in op de 8. De twee... Une séduisante blonde arrive dans un casino à Las Vegas. Un petit peu éméchée, elle mise 20 000 dollars sur une face du dé. Elle ajoute en suivant : « J’espère que cela ne vous dérange pas, mais je... Eine atemberaubende Blondine betritt das Casino. Sie kauft sich Jetons und geht zum Roulette-Tisch. Dort angekommen fragt sie die Croupiers: „Darf ich mich ausziehen? Wenn ich nackt spiele, gewinne... Dwaj znudzeni krupierzy siedzieli przy stole z ruletką gdy do kasyna weszła bardzo atrakcyjna blondynka. Podeszła do stołu i zadeklarowała zakład na 20 tys. dolarów na konkretną liczbę. Zaraz... Twee verveelde casino dealers zitten te wachten aan de dobbel tafel. Op dat moment komt er een prachtige blonde vrouw aan lopen en zet twintig duizend euro in op een enkele rol. Ze zegt: "Ik hoop... Twee croupiers in het casino kijken verveeld voor zich uit. Plotseling komt er een hele mooie vrouw aan, die haar geluk wil beproeven met de dobbelstenen. Ze wil 20.000 euro inzetten, met een... GAZİNODA iki görevli sıkıntıdan patlamış bir şekilde rulet masasında Dikiliyorlarmış… Derken içeri fıstık gibi bir sarışın girmiş, masaya 10 bin dolar koymuş Veee; ? "Baylar, umarım sizin için... Det var på ett kasino, mitt i natten. Kvar vid ett spelbord satt två män och en kvinna. En välsvarvad snygg blondin. - Jag känner på mig att jag har tur ikväll, sa kvinnan, jag satsar 500 000... Se duce o blonda la cazino si zice: - Vreau sa pariez pe 2 numere, dar ca sa castig trebuie sa ma dezbrac. Toti sunt de acord, se dezbraca si arunca zarurile. - Am castigat, am castigat,incepe sa... Een knap blondje loopt een casino binnen in Vegas. Ze gaat naar een van de roulettetafels en zegt tegen de twee mannen die er staan: "Ik zou graag alles of niets spelen. 20.000 $ voor één worp." De...
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