Blonde Jokes - Page 64

If blondes and вiмвоs were the same thing, the prefix 'bim' could be used to create new words that describe them:
Bimbabble - noises coming from a group of blondes
Bimbaffled - constant mental state of blondes
Bimbait - short skirts, sheer blouses, string bikinis or other clothing worn by blondes in an attempt to attract the attention of males
Bimbar - a bar where blondes hang out wearing bimbait
Bimbag - a blonde's purse
Bimbrushes - essential equipment in a bimbag
Bimbastic surgeon - specialist in вrеаsт enhancements for blondes
Bimbeeper - special instrument used as a homing device for lost blondes
Bimbellow - sound emanating from a blonde after she finally got the most recent blonde joke she heard
Bimbillion? - a blonde giving an estimate of anything
Bimblaze - the result of a blonde trying to cook
Bimblues - a blonde's state of mind after her latest boyfriend ditched her
Bimboette - a young blonde
Bimbonese - language spoken by blondes, largely unintelligible to anyone else
Bimbonique behavior - airhead behavior, unique to blondes
Bimboozle - to fool a blonde
Bimbore - a blonde who uses "like" more than 10 times in a sentence
Bimbozo - another name for a blonde
Bimboron - a blonde even less intelligent than most other blondes
Bimbrownie - a well-tanned blonde
Bimbrunette - a blonde who dyes her hair brunette, usually to appear smarter than she actually is
Bimburden - blonde carrying too many bags at the mall

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Blonde Jokes

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Blonde Jokes Bureaucrat Jokes Cyclist Humor

One day a blonde was driving on the highway and got pulled over by a cop. The cop said "Why do you keep swerving?" The blonde replied "I turn one way and there's a tree, I turn again there's a tree, and then there's a whole bunch more trees popping out of nowhere." The cop replied "You idiот that's your air freshener."

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Blonde Jokes

What's the difference between a blonde and a redhead in bed?A blonde let's you leave the bed when you are satisfied - a redhead let's you leave the bed when SHE is satisfied.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

There was a red head, a brunette, and a blonde riding in the back of a truck. Suddenly the tire popped and the truck drove off the edge into the water.
The red head and brunette swam up and survived, but the blonde drowned because she couldn't get the tail gate open.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

So this posh restaurant is looking for a piano player. A friend of the manager, the owner of a nearby jazz club, has a recommendation:
"You should give Stewart Campbell a ring. He's a bit eccentric, mind, but he's a genius."
Well, all artists have a bit of a peculiar side, the manager thinks. And sure enough, he calls him up and the next day Campbell shows up for an interview.
"I'm Stu," he says as he comes in, suit dishevelled, hair unkempt, and reeking of вооzе. "You were looking for a piano player?"
"Err, yes, what do you play?" the manager inquires.
"Anything," says Stu, "Anything at all so long as I wrote it meself."
"All... right -- can you do a little, say, smooth jazz?"
"Not a problem." Stu sits down at this stately old grand piano, and plays this most velvety, intricate but accessible piece.
As the last notes ring out, the manager is noticeably impressed. "That was great! What's it called?"
"'Вuggеr a Sheep While Taking a Dump'," Stu answers.
"Oh... Kay," the confused manager responds. "Well, how about something a bit more uptempo, maybe some crossover?"
And sure enough, without missing a beat he performs the funkiest, sultriest piece of music you ever heard.
"That's perfect!" the manager exclaims. "Does that have a title?"
"Yeah, this one's called 'Incontinent Сrаск Whоrе On a Tuesday Morning'."
Now, the restaurant's manager finds Stu strange indeed, to say the least, but he's just so good, he has to hire him, on the one condition that he won't introduce his works.
And sure enough, the next day he's bringing the house down over dinner and the wait staff is flooded with guests sending him their compliments, when in walks the most beautiful woman, tall and blonde in heels and a little black dress, and sits down at the table right in front of the piano.
Stu is just starting another of his most inspired easy listening compositions, but he struggles to keep playing as he just cannot stop staring at this most attractive lady.
Finally, he can't take it any longer and breaks off the song midway through and and rushes to the bathroom to маsтurвате furiously. Just as hurriedly he rushes back and starts playing again right where he left off.
When the song has finished the woman asks Stu, "Excuse me, do you know your соск's hanging out and there's сuм all over your shoes?"
And Stu responds, "Know it? I f**king WROTE it!"

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Blonde Jokes Masturbation jokes Restaurant Jokes Boss Jokes

There were two brunettes in the front of a truck, and three blondes in the back. They rolled off a cliff into the ocean. The brunettes survived, but the blondes died. Why? They couldn't get the tailgate open.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Why did the blonde take his new scarf back to the store? It was too tight

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

A truck was traveling through town.
When the driver stopped at a red light, A blonde jumped out of her car, ran up to the driver of the truck, and said,
"Mr. you're losing part of your load".
She jumps back into her car and follows the truck to the next light.
She jumps out of car and runs up to the driver's window, "Mr. you're losing part of your load."
The same thing happens for 7 stops, finally the 8th stop, the blonde came running up to the truck driver's window, before she could say anything, the driver said,
"Ma'am, this is winter in maine, i'm driving a salt truck......."

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Blonde Jokes Car and driving jokes Stupid Jokes

There were nine blondes and a brunette hanging of a rope 100 stories high. They had decided that one of them had to get off. They argued and argued and finally the brunette said "I'll go." The brunette made a touching speech and all the blondes clapped.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Two programmers walked along the street. They saw a beautiful blonde not far away and one of them said,
"Too bad that girls has no standard interface."
"They have," replied the other programmer, "but there is no standard way to get to it."

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Programmer Jokes

An old Jewish man walks into a church. He goes in the confession booth, he says, Forgive me father, I have sinned. I was working in my tailor shop, a girl came in -- couldnt have been more than 19 years old, blonde hair, great body. All of a sudden I started f**king her and theres f**king and suскing and fooling around for three hours. And the priest goes, Youre Jewish, why are you telling me this? And he goes, Telling you? Im telling everybody.

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Blonde Jokes Priest Jokes

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right tools, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake. After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice. Then from the heavens a voice boomed, THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE. Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate and started to cut yet another hole in the ice. The voice boomed, THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE. This time quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice. Then she started another hole and once again the voice said, THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE. The very scared blonde raised her head and said, Is that you, Lord? The voice answered, NO. IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK.

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Blonde Jokes Boss Jokes

A blonde goes into the beauty and hair parlor with her walkman on her head.
"I need to take that walkman off your head," says the beauty specialist as she notices the blonde.
"You can't! I'll die!" retorts the blonde.
"I can't cut your hair with the walkman on your ears!" says the beauty specialist getting annoyed.
"I said you can't take it off, or I'll die!"
The beauty specialist, outraged and flustered, grabs the walkman and throws it off the head of the blonde. Within seconds, the blonde dies. When the specialist picks up the walkman to listen, she hears it repeating "breath in, breath out, breath in".

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Blonde Jokes

Why do Blondes like tilt steering? Because theres more head room.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

What did the blonde do when her tooth fell out?
She tried to glue it back on with toothpaste.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Day1: A blonde comes home from school and says to her mum,"We learned how to count up to 5 today mummy. I got up to 10. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?" Mum replies:
"Yes dear"
Day 2:
"We learned how to do the alphabet today mummy. The others only got up to E and I got up to S. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies:
"Yes dear"
Day 3:
"We learned about вrеаsтs today mummy. All the other girls are flat chested and I'm a 36DD. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies:
"No dear, it's because your 25."

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Blonde Jokes School Jokes

Three blondes are sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is suскing hers, one is biting hers, one is licking hers. Which one is married? The one with the wedding ring.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

What does a blonde think an innuendo is? An Italian suppository.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

What do you call two blondes driving a convertible with the top down?
Dual Airbags!

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes