College jokes - Page 3

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A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!"
"I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad.
"You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble."
"What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the state," he said. "there must be some mistake."
"I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."

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College student
1. If you have ever price shopped for Top Ramen, you might be a college student.
2. If you live in a house with three couches, none of which match.
3. If you consider Mac and Cheese a balanced meal.
4. If you have ever written a check for 45 cents.
5. If you have a fine collection of domestic вееr bottles.
6. If you have ever seen two consectutive sunrises without sleeping.
7. If your glass set is composed of McDonald's Extra Value Meal Plastic Cups (ie.Olympic Dream Team I or II).
8. If your underwear supply dictates the time between laundry loads.
9. If you cannot remember when you last washed your car.
10. If you can pack your worldly possesions into the back of a pick-up (one trip).
11. If you have ever had to justify yourself for buying Natural Light.
12. If the first thing you do in the morning is roll over and introduce yourself.
13. If you average less than 3 hours of sleep a night.
14. If your trash is overflowing and your bank account isn't
15. If you go to Wal-Mart more than 3 times a week
16. If you eat at the cafeteria because it's "free", even though it tastes terrible.
17. If you are personally keeping the local pizza place from bankruptcy
18. If you wake up 10 minutes before class
19. If you wear the same jeans 13 days in a row -- without washing them
20. If your breakfast consists of a coke on the way to class
21. If your social life consists of a date with the library
22. If your idea of "doing your hair" is putting on a baseball cap
23. If it takes a shovel to find the floor of your room
24. If you carry less than a dollar on you at all times because that's all you have
25. If you haven't done laundry in so long you are wearing your swim suit to class
26. If your midnight snack is microwave popcorn
27. If you celebrate when you find a quarter
28. If your room is so cold that your toilet freezes over
29. If your walls are plastered with posters of half nакеd men or women (whichever your preference)
30. If you have built up a tolerence for beverages (he he he)
31. If you wear a sweat suit for so long that it stands up by itself
32. If your backpack is giving you Scoliosis
33. If you get more sleep in class than in your room
34. If your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some Ramen Noodles
35. If you can sleep through your roommate's blaring stereo
36. If you live in an area that is smaller than most mobile homes
37. If you get more e-mail than mail.

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In high school, you can't go out to lunch because it's not allowed whereas in college, you can't go out to lunch because you can't afford it.

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Chuck Norris graduated college in one hour.

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An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard, "Woman without her man is nothing." The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly.
The men wrote, "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote, "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

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A college economics professor could not help but notice that one of his students was late to class for the third time that week. Before class ended he went around the room asking students some questions about the day's lecture.
Of course, he made sure to pick on his student.
"And who is known as the father of modern economics?" the professor asked.
"I don't know," the student said.
"Perhaps if you came to class on time, Mr. Wilson, you would know," said the professor.
"That's not true," the student replied.
"I never pay attention anyway!"

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Some American academics, discussing the Six Day War with an Israeli general, were eager to know how it had ended so quickly.
The general told them, "We had a сrаск regiment at the most sensitive front. It was made entirely of lawyers and accountants. When the time came to charge - boy, did they know how to charge!"

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Q: What do you call a black guy who goes to college?
A: A Basketball player.

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Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They get drunк and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent." They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. "I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.
The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from the University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, ya'll ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in."

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