Dad Jokes - Page 31

Two kids are talking to each other. One says,
"I'm really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worried sick!"
The other kid says,
"What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you've got it made!"
The first kid says,
"What if they try to escape?"

0 0

0 0

School Jokes Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

The five-year-old wanted to caddy for his dad. …
…
…
“You’ve got to be able to count my strokes,” the father said to the boy. “How much is six plus nine plus seven?” …
…
“Five,” the boy said. …
…
“Okay,” the father said with a grin. “Let’s go.”

0 0

Sports Jokes Dad Jokes

Dad ask my Mom, why wont you let the boy wear his hat, coat and gloves to go out and build a snowman with the other kids?
Mom - I don't want him to stay out long enough to catch cold!

0 0

Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

Dad asked his son: Whenever I beat you how do u stop your anger? Son replies: I start cleaning the toilet. Dad asked: How does that help u? Son: I clean it with your toothbrush

0 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Dad Jokes

My oldest son come up to me today and said, ‘I’m feeling suicidal, dad.’
‘Hang in there, son’ I said pointing at the spare room.

0 0

Dad Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Teacher: Tyrone, spell dad
Tyrone: G-O-N-E

0 0

Ethnic and Racial Jokes Dad Jokes

My father was a gambler when I was growing up, so I thought I would confide in himthis nightmare I kept having.
"Dad," I began, "I keep having these dreams about a supernatural evil entity that takes horse racing bets from gamblers. He seems so real to me."
"Don't worry, son," my dad assured me. "There's no such thing as the bookey-man."

0 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Dad Jokes

An elderly couple living in Florida had not seen their son and daughter for quite a while. The mom called the daughter living in New York and told her that mom and pop were going to get a divorce right after Christmas because they couldn't get along after 35 years of marriage
The daughter called her brother in New Jersey with the news and the brother then called his dad saying do not do anything sis and I will be up to talk to you before Christmas.
After hanging up the old man yelled out to his wife. "Great news the kids are coming for Christmas and they are paying their own way."

0 0

News and Politics Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes Christmas Jokes Old People Jokes Dad Jokes

Hi, is your dad Irish because my c*ck is Dublin.

0 0

Bar and Bartender Jokes Dad Jokes

(Grandchild) Were you in the war Grandpa?
(Grandpa) Yes, I was a fighter pilot!
(Child's mother) "Weren’t you stationed in Colorado dad?”
(Grandpa) Yes, and I’ll have you know that not one enemy aircraft got past Nevada!

0 0

Military Jokes Dad Jokes

There are three men in the military practicing skydiving. The first man jumps out and a swiss army knife falls out of his pocket. The second man jumps out and a kitchen knife falls out of his pocket. The third jumps out and a grenade falls out of his pocket. When they land, they go and look for the things they drop because they could have really hurt someone.
The first man is running along the street and sees a little boy crying. "Little boy, why are you crying?" he asks. The boy says,
"A swiss army knife fell out of the sky and killed my cat!"
The second man is running along a street and sees a little girl crying. "Little girl, why are you crying?" he asks. The girl says,
"A big kitchen knife fell from the sky and killed my puppy!"
The third man is running down a street and sees a little boy laughing hysterically. "Little boy, why are you laughing?" he asks. The boy says,
"My dad farted and the house blew up!"

0 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Military Jokes Dad Jokes

Tommy comes back off his holiday with his mum and his step dad and the teacher asks him… “Hello Tommy, did you enjoy your holiday?” … …
…
“I did Teacher” …
….
“And did your stepfather take you out, show you things, go exploring?” …
…
“Yes he did teacher, he took me out rowing 1/2 a mile into the lake every day, and then I’d swim back.” … …
…
“Oh, well, um, it’s an awful long way to swim isn’t, 1/2 a mile?” …
“Oh no teacher, no, it was easy once I’d got out of the bag!”

0 0

Dad Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

I was named after my Dad.
Which make sense, he was born before me.

0 0

Insult Jokes Dad Jokes

- Texting Her Father- Daughter: JIMMY WHY DID YOU BREAK UP WITH IS IT BC OF THE SLUТ YOU
CHEATED ON WITH ME :( Daughter: oh sorry dad that was meant for Jimmy Dad: On a totally unrelated topic have you seen
My shotgun anywhere?

0 0

Insult Jokes Dad Jokes

Two classmates were chatting in their lunch break...
"I know how to get money real quick" says one,” how?"
"Go to your dad and say, "I know the truth" and he'll give you money"
So the young boy went home and said "dad, I know the truth" and
His dad gave him ten dollars and told him not to tell anyone 'the truth'.
He then went to his mother, " Mom, I know the truth” he said.
"Please don't tell your dad" she said and gave him twenty dollars.
Content with thirty dollars he went outside to go to the arcade and saw the milkman. "I know the truth,” he shouted out.
The milkman replied "Well come and hug your real father then"

0 0

Money jokes Dad Jokes

My dad always told me he never made the same mistake twice …. ….
…
That must be why I’m an only child.

0 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Dad Jokes

My dad said if I get 100 kick аss votes he'll quit drugs and alcohol.

0 0

Drinking and Drunk Jokes Dad Jokes

The older sister asks her younger brother, "What are you giving Mom and Dad for Christmas?"
Without missing a beat, the little brother replies,
"A list of everything I want."

0 0

Christmas Jokes Dad Jokes

My Dad, who is a pastor, was reading the newspaper the other day and it had an article on our University’s football team who had 3 wins in the last 3 seasons. Then he says,
"Hey Son, did I tell you that I ran into head coach two months ago down at the Supermarket?"
"What did you tell him?" I replied.
"Well, I asked if I could pray for him and he said sure."
I couldn't help but ask, "Did you pray that he would quit or that he would be fired?"

0 0

Sports Jokes Dad Jokes