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Dog jokes

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Hund jagt Leute Vad gör man med en hund som jagar folk på cykel? - Tar cykeln från hunden Polisen till mannen: - Din hund har jagat en man på cykel. Mannen upprört: - Struntprat. Min hund kan inte ens cykla. Дойде съседката да се кара. Твърди, че моето куче гонило нейния син на колелото. Пратих я по дяволите. Моето куче няма колело. I was just told that my dog chased someone on a bicycle and bit him. That's bullshit, my dog can't even ride a bicycle. Mon voisin est venu se plaindre Soit disant mon chien poursuit les gens en moto... Je lui ait répondu qu'il avait tort ! Mon chien n'a pas de moto Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle. Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can't even ride a bicycle. Mijn buurman kwam laatst naar mij toe, hij zegt: 'Je hond zit iedereen op de fiets achterna.' Ik zeg: 'Dat is niet zo mooi. Dan zal ik zijn fiets maar afpakken!' - Proszę pani! Pani pit bull goni jakiegoś faceta na rowerze! - Niemożliwe! Mój pies nie umie jeździć na rowerze... A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don't even own bikes. Govore mi da juris ljude na biciklu. Lazu, gazda. Znas da nemam bicikl.
What do you mean, my dog was chasing a guy on a bike?
My dog doesn’t ride a bike!
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Life is like a dogsled team.
If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
Lewis Grizzard
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How do you stop a dog from barking in the back seat when you’re driving?
Invite him to bark in the front seat.
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What an amazing, clever dog we have, darling.
He brings in the newspaper every day, and we’ve never even subscribed to any!
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What happens when you cross a dog and a cheetah?
You get a dog who chases after cars a lot – and actually catches them.
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What kind of dog eats with his ears?
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They all do. I haven’t seen a single dog remove their ears before tucking in.
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Mommy says to little Johnny, “Why are you sticking out your tongue at the dog? It’s not nice.”
Little Johnny says, “But the dog started it.”
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At school:
Johnny, where’s your homework?
Johnny: I’m very sorry, I don’t have it here.
Teacher: How come?
Johnny: I ate my exercise books.
Teacher: What?! Why would you do such a thing?!
Johnny: The dog refused to.
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Why does your dog run into the corner each time the веll rings?
He’s a Boxer.
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A bunny is hopping across the forest and sees a huge pile of роор. The bunny cautiously approaches, puts its finger in it, sniffs, licks lightly and says, “Aha! That’s dog роор. Lucky I didn’t step in it.”
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There is a dog in the front yard licking himself.
Two old men sitting on the front porch. There is a dog in the front yard that is licking himself.
First man, "I wish I could do that."
Second man, "That dog would bite you!"
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I don’t mind that my wife thinks I’m crazy.
I mind that I have to hear it from our dog.
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There's this dog teaching me some new dance moves.
He's a corgi-ographer.
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What do you call a dog owned by Donald Trump?
A trumpet.
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As a farmer I've heard lots of jokes about sheep.
I told them to my dog but he'd heard them all.
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Where'd the dog who lost his tail go to get a new one?
A retail store.
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TIL Hellen Keller owned a dog. Did you know that?
Neither did she.
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What do you call a dog kennel in San Francisco?
Luxury apartments
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Every morning this week a German Shepherd has been taking a dump on my lawn
Yesterday he brought his dog.
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How do you know if someone adopted their dog?
Don't worry they will tell you
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