Friendship Jokes

You're pathetic. Don't believe me? Ask your wife, she might tell you since she probably tells her friends what a dipsh*t you are.

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My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Steve, so I asked him, "What's the name of his other leg?"

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Men jokes Friendship Jokes

Joe takes his friend Steve hunting for the first time, and reminds him to be still and keep quiet. An hour into the woods, Joe hears Steve screaming behind him. "I thought I told you to be quiet!" says Joe." Hey, I kept quiet when the snake bit me," says Steve, "and I was quiet when the fox attacked me, but when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant leg just now, I heard one ask the other, 'Should we eat them now or take them with us?'"

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Animal Jokes Friendship Jokes

Three guys survive a plane crash in the desert. They wander for days, starving and thirsty. They finally come across a lone house and knock on the door, desperate for help. A crusty old lady answers, and says she'd be happy to help if one of them will agree to satisfy her sexually first. After a quick discussion, one of the guys decides to take one for the team. He walks in to her bedroom while the other two wait outside the house. He tells her to close her eyes and open her legs. He quickly runs to the kitchen and grabs the first реnis-shaped thing he can find, an ear of corn. He shoves it in her, and throws it out the window. Grabs another, rams it in and throws it out the window. She is finally satisfied and agrees to cook for them. He goes outside to get his friends, and they exclaim, "We're actually not hungry anymore. We just ate some delicious, buttery corn on the cob!"

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Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes

My friend came up to me at work looking depressed. I asked him what was wrong. He said,
"I think I had sеx with my third cousin." I replied, "If you're that worried about it, quit counting them!"

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes

Why do blondes leave empty вееr cans in their refrigerator?
For their friends that don't drink.

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Blonde Jokes Friendship Jokes

You: do you like tapes and CD's?
Friend: ya why?
You: good because you're going to CD's nuts when I tape my diск to your face!

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Dirty jokes Friendship Jokes

A lady noticed her friend was wearing her wedding ring on the wrong finger so she asked,
"Why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" Her friend replied, "Because I married the wrong man!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes Relationship Jokes

Peter sat at his dying wife's bedside. Her voice was little more than a whisper. "Pete darling," she breathed, "I've a confession to make before I go... I... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe. I spent it on a fling with your best friend, Alex. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the city. And I am the one who reported your income tax evasion to the government."
"Don't give it a second thought, sweetheart. Who do you think gave you the poison?" answered Peter.

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Friendship Jokes Relationship Jokes

A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, “How long have you been wearing that вrа?” The friend replies, “Ever since my wife found it in my car's glove compartment.”

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Men jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes Relationship Jokes

There are three friends named Mad, Brain, and Fight. One day Fight went missing and his friends Mad and Brain started searching for him. Then Brain said,
"Mad, let's file a missing person report with the police." When they were about to walk into the police station, Brain said,
"Mad, you go and make the report. I will wait for you here." Mad said,
"Okay." Mad walked in but no police officers paid attention to him. Then he saw a policeman drinking a cup of coffee. Mad went to the officer, smacked the table, and the cup of coffee flew in the air, landing in the officer's lap. Angry, the policeman asked,
"Are you looking for a fight?" Mad replied, "Yes, I am." The policeman asked,
"Are you mad?" Mad replied, "Yes, I am Mad." The policeman then asked,
"Don't you have a brain?" Mad replied, "Brain is outside sir."

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes Friendship Jokes

Three old friends got together and were discussing what movie they had watched when they conceived their children. One lady says she had just watched a movie called The Search for One-eye Jimmy and nine months later she gave birth to her baby. Another lady says,
"Oh, I saw the movie Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and then nine months later I had septuplets." The last lady gasps and exclaims, "Oh no, I just watched 101 Dalmations!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Friendship Jokes

A blond asked his friend, "Why does my sister have two brothers and I only have one???"

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Blonde Jokes Friendship Jokes

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. "Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?" asked the one. "Well, not exactly." His friend replied, "She's more into the trick dog aspect of it."
"Oh, I see, кinкy, huh?"
"Well, not exactly. I sit up and beg, and she rolls over and plays dead."

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Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes

A young woman asked her mom if she could go out for some fries and eat them with friends for 2 hours. Her mom said,
"Sure." However, the daughter went to her boyfriends and had sеx with him for 2 hours. When she came back home, her mom asked her how the fries were. The daughter replied, "Nice!" The mom said,
"I can tell you enjoyed them; there's still mayonnaise dripping from your face."

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes

A professor was giving a lecture on involuntary muscular contractions to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, he decided to lighten the mood. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked,
"Do you know what your аsshоlе is doing while you're having an оrgаsм?" She replied, "He's probably playing golf with his friends."

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes

Friends are like trampolines.
I've always wanted a trampoline.

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Friendship Jokes

Friend 1: Dude why didn't you buy her the more expensive ring?
Friend 2: You don't throw a master ball at a metapod...
(Only Pokemon fans get this)

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Friendship Jokes

Charlie was invited to his friend and wife's house. They were eating dinner when Charlie dropped his napkin. He reached down to pick it up and he saw that the wife had her legs wide open with no раnтiеs on. Quite flustered Charlie excused himself from the table and went to the kitchen. To his utter surprise the wife came in and said "did you like what you saw?" Charlie smiled and said "yes" he looked towards where the husband was sat."well come tomorrow lunch and bring $500 and you can explore the rest" the wife said. Charlie knew that he couldn't afford to spend the night with her. "okay. but what about your husband?" the wife gave out a little sigh and said "oh don't worry about him. he'll be at work" the next day Charlie turned up to the wife's house with the money and banged her. Charlie left and the husband came back home. he asked "did Charlie come over today?" thinking she had been caught she said "yes" the husband carried on "did he give you the whole $500?" she replied "yes" the husband let out a huff. "phewww, he came by my work today and asked me for the money. he didn't tell me why but I gave it to him and he said he would drop it off with you around lunch"

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Dirty jokes Friendship Jokes

Me: what do you use to catch fish?
Friend: worms?
Me: no fish bate, what do you use to catch squids?
Friend: squid bate
Me: what do you use to catch lions?
Friend: lion bate
Me: what do you use to catch I master?
Friend: I master bate, wait! Dаммiт...

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Friendship Jokes