Gross jokes, Disgusting jokes

What do you buy a dead baby for its birthday?
A dead puppy!

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What's green and red, and goes 100 mph?
A frog in a blender!

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Gross Jokes Animal Jokes

Did you hear....?
Did you hear about the man who drank 5 gallons of tea?
He drowned in his teepee!

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Gross Jokes

I See You!
A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally
swallowed his glass eye. He was worried for a while, but there were no
ill effects, so he forgot about it.
Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed instructions,
undressed, and веnт over. The first thing the proctologist saw when he
looked up the man's аrsе was that eye staring right back at him.
"You know, " said the doctor, "you really have to learn to trust me."

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Gross Jokes Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

A guy walks into a store. He goes up to the clerk and holds up his hand. In his hand he's holding a big pile of сrар. He looks at the clerk with the biggest expression of relief and says, ''Whew, that was close. Look what I almost stepped in."

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Gross Jokes

What do you call an abortion in Czechslovakia?
What do you call an abortion in Czechslovakia?
A cancelled Czech!

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Gross Jokes

Top Ten Things You Should Never Do:
10) Your mom.
9) Рiss in the wind.
8) Spit straight up.
7) "No, officer, we haven't been drinking..."
6) Swallow.
5) Drop the soap.
4) Eat it if it smells.
3) Get drunк at a gаy bar.
2) Play leapfrog with a unicorn.
1) Use Elmers' glue for a lubricant.

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Gross Jokes

3 Stages of Sеx:
1. House Sеx - When you are newly married and have sеx all over the house, in every room.
2. Bedroom Sеx - After you've been married for a while and you just have sеx in the bedroom.
3. Hall Sеx - After you've been married for many years, and you just pass each other in the hall and say, "F**k you!"

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Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Lawyer Jokes

What do you call a blonde with a dollar ...
Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on her head?
A: All you can eat under a buck.

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Gross Jokes Money jokes Blonde Jokes Dirty jokes

Yo mama's so fат, Godzilla tried to f**k her and fell in.

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Gross Jokes Animal Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes

What's green and yellow and eats nuts?
Gonorrhea.

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Gross Jokes

Yeast + Billy Ray Cyrus = ?
What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus with a yeast infection?
An itchy, twitchy тwат!

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Gross Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Q: What do you call a 900-pound woman with a yeast infection?
A: A whopper with cheese.

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Gross Jokes Jokes about Women Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes

Seek and Ye Shall Find...
On a senior citizens bus tour, while the passengers were unloading to do some sightseeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in the driver's ear.
She said, ''Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!'' The driver didn't think much of her complaint, but promised he would check into it soon.
Later, that same day, as the passengers were unloading again, a second little old lady веnт down and whispered in his ear, ''Sir, I believe I was sexually harassed!'' This time, he figured he'd better look into it.
A few passengers had remained on the bus, and he decided to go back and question them, to find out if they knew what was going on.
He found one little old man crawling along the bus floor beneath the seats and stooped down to question him. ''Excuse me sir, could I help you?''
The elderly man looked up and said, ''Well, sonny you sure can. I've lost my toupee and I'm trying to find it..."
The man continued, "I thought I'd located it twice, but they were parted in the middle, and mine is parted on the side!''

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Gross Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Old People Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

A young, innocent couple goes on their honeymoon. They get nакеd and jump into bed, but neither knows what to do. Eventually, they decide to rub their noses together. After awhile, they decide to rub their toes together. Finally, they begin to rub their hips together.
Suddenly, the man jumps up and runs to the bathroom. After several minutes, he returns to the bedroom, looking scared.
"What happened?" asks his bride.
"I don't know," he replies, "but something curdled my urinе!"

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Gross Jokes Men jokes

What's worse than waking up in the morning after an оrgy with рuвiс hair in your teeth?
Waking up in the morning after after an оrgy with a lump in your throat and a string hanging out of your mouth.

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Gross Jokes Dirty jokes

Q: What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
A: Kids don't eat broccoli.

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Gross Jokes

It''s awful scary in these woods, mister!
"It''s awful scary in these woods, mister!"
"You're telling me, I have to walk out of them by myself!"

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Gross Jokes Dirty jokes

Two brothers, Bob and Tom, both work for a lumberyard.
One day, Bob tells Tom that he can tell what any piece of wood is just by smelling it. Unbelieving, Tom blindfolds Bob and proceeds to test the theory. The first piece of wood Bob smells, he instantly identifies as maple. The second piece Bob instantly identifies as walnut. Tom cannot believe Bob can really do this, so he takes an old piece of wood and whispers to the secretary to rub the wood between her legs. She happily runs it up in her crotch. Tom hands the piece of wood to Bob. Bob smells it three times.
''I am stumped. But I would have to guess that this wood is either a pussywillow or a shingle from a shiтhоusе.''

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Gross Jokes Office and Work Jokes Secretary Jokes

To the tune of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland":
Dog tags ring, are you listening'?
In the lane, snow is glistening.
It's yellow, not white - I've been there tonight,
Marking up my winter wonderland.
Smell that tree? That's my fragrance.
It's a sign for wandering vagrants;
"Avoid where I рее, it's my property.
Marked up as my winter wonderland."
In the meadow dad will build a snowman,
following the classical design.
Then I'll lift my leg and let it go, man,
So all the world will know it's mine-mine-mine!
Straight from me to the fence post,
flows my natural incense boast,
"Stay off of my turf, this small piece of earth,
I mark it as my winter wonderland."

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