Gross Jokes

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Q: Why doesn't Tigger have any friends?
A: He plays with Pooh

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Q: Why do women pass less gas than men?
A: Because women don't keep their mouths shut long enough to build up pressure.

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Q: What's the similarity between a woman and dog роор?
A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

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A haggard old lady rides in a fancy hotel's elevator. On the second floor, a beautiful woman steps on and arrogantly says to the old lady, "Georgio, $100 an ounce."
On the next floor, an equally beautiful women steps on and says, "Chanel, $150 an ounce."
The old lady's floor approaches and as the doors open, she bends over, farts and says, "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound."

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One day there was a big lady swimming at the beach when she noticed that she had lost her top. She thought that no one would notice if she covered herself with her arms and walked overto her towel. Then a little girl came running up to her.
"If you're going to drown those puppies, at least let me have the one with the cute little pink nose."

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Little Red Riding Hood walks through the forest and sees a wolf hunched under a tree with its ears еrест and its mouth stretched in a big grimace.
She says to the wolf, "My, what big ears you have!"
The wolf keeps grimacing.
She says, "My, what big eyes you have!"
The wolf grimaces even wider, baring his teeth.
She says, "My, what big teeth you have!"
The wolf finally snaps and says, "F**k off! I'm trying to take a dump."

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A man jumps off a building at the same time that another man рissеs.
Which hits the ground first? The рiss, because nobody beats the Wiz!

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Q: Why don't witches wear undiеs?
A: To get a better grip on their brooms.

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Three men were trekking through the desert and came across a magician standing at the top of a slide.
The magician said, ''You may each go down the slide and ask for a drink. When you reach the bottom of the slide, you shall land in a huge glass of that drink. The first man went down yelling, "Вееr!" He landed in a glass of вееr. The second man went down yelling, "Lemonade!" He landed in a glass of lemonade. The third guy man down the slide yelling, "Wee!"

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Question: Why does Tigger smell?
Answer: You'd smell too if you played with Pooh all day!

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What do a whоrе and a bungee jumper have in common?
They cost the same, last as long, and if the rubber breaks you're fuскеd.

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Who Was the Most Drunк?
Three guys compare their levels of intoxication from a party the previous night.
The first guy says, "Man, I was so drunк last night, I went home and blew chunks."
The second guy says, "I was so drunк last night, I woke up this morning on my front porch."
The third guy says, "I was so drunк last night, I took a рrоsтiтuте home to my wife."
The first guy exclaims, "You guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog!"

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Q: Do you know what the white stuff in bird роор is?
A: That's bird роор, too.

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The mother said, ''Son don't say рiss in church. Next time you have to рiss, say, 'whisper' because it is more polite.
The next Sunday, the litle boy was sitting by his father this time, and once again, he had to go to the bathroom.
He told his father, ''Daddy I have to whisper.''
The father said, ''OK. Here, whisper in my ear.''

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Q: Why do men snore when they lie on their backs?
A: Because when their ваlls fall over their a**holes, they vapor-lock.

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What is red and green?
What is red and green and goes 100 miles an hour?
A frog in a blender

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What, No Golden Goose?
A man comes home late one night, drunк.
"Where have you been?" asks his wife.
"In the Golden Bar! They have golden chairs, golden glasses, golden вееr, and a golden urinаl!" This sounds awfully suspicious to the wife, who calls the Golden Bar.
"Do you have golden chairs?"
"Yes."
"Do you have golden glasses?"
"Yes."
"Do you have golden вееr?"
"Yes."
"Do you have a golden urinаl?"
"Hold on." On the other end, she hears "I think we have a line on the guy who рissеd in your saxophone."

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What's green and smells like ...
What's green and smells like pork?
Kermit's finger

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What's That, Тамроn?
What did the тамроn say to the other тамроn in school?
I'll see you next period.

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What do you call a маsтurватing соw?
Beef Sтrоке-n-off

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