Horse jokes

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What's a vegan's favorite animal?
A high horse

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Animal Jokes Horse jokes Vegan and Vegetarian Jokes

A friend of mine has been rushed to hospital, after eating a horse-burger.
Apparently he is now in a stable condition.

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Horse jokes

A horse walks into a bar and requests "Hello, I'd like some anthropomorphization please"
The bartender replies:
"I think you've had enough already"

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Horse jokes

What’s a horse’s primary concern when voting?
A stable economy.

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Horse jokes

Why did Horse Santa put his dentist on the naughty list?
You don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

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Dentist Jokes Horse jokes

Dear people who don’t write capital letters,
We’re the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

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Horse jokes

I just read somewhere that capitalization is the difference between "I helped my uncle Jack off a horse" and "i helped my uncle jack off a horse".
Well that's embarrassing. Now everyone thinks my uncle's name is Jack.

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Horse jokes

A horse walks into a bar
"Hey", the Bartender says.
"Sure", the horse replies.

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Horse jokes

I dreamt about a horse last night.
It turned out to be a night mare.

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Horse jokes

Where do horses go when they get sick?
To the horse-pital.
Just kidding, they get shot.

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Horse jokes

There is a horse. The horse says "I don't think." and disappears.
This is a reference to the Descartes quote "I think, therefore I am."
But if I had explained that earlier, it would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

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Horse jokes

A Republican, a Democrat, a Communist, a priest, a rabbi, an Imam, an African, a Caucasian, an Asian, a horse, a giraffe, an elephant, a fairy, an elf, and an unicorn walk into a bar...
The bar tender looks up
"What is this? A joke?"

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Asian jokes Elephant jokes Horse jokes Priest Jokes

100 years ago everyone had a horse and only the rich had cars.
Nowadays everyone has a car and only the rich have horses.
Oh how the stables have turned

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Money jokes Horse jokes

You can lead a horse to water,
But in Flint the water will be lead.

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Horse jokes

Don't order hay for your horse off Amazon.
After a couple of days they'll ask for your feed back.

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Horse jokes

So a guy came into a bar...
No... wait, it was a horse.
So a guy came into a horse...

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Horse jokes

What's the difference between an equine animal owned by the Dalai Llama and and equine animal at Cheltenham?
Ones a Tibetan horse the others a horse Tibetan.
This is an entirely original joke that I came up with. I like it.

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Animal Jokes Horse jokes

A farmer who's been involved in a terrible road accident with a large truck ended up in court fighting for a big compensation claim.
"I understand you're claiming damages for the injuries you're supposed to have suffered?" Stated the counsel for the insurance company.
"Yes, that's right," replied the farmer, nodding his head.
"You claim you were injured in the accident, yet I have a signed police statement that says that when the attending police officer asked you how you were feeling, you replied, 'I've never felt better inn my life.' Is that the case?"
"Yeah, but" stammered the farmer.
"A simple yes or not will suffice," counsel interrupted quickly.
"Yes," Replied the farmer.
Then it was the turn of the farmer's counsel to ask him questions. "Please tell the court the exact circumstance of events following the accident when you made your statement of health," his lawyer said.
"Certainly," replied the farmer. "After the accident my horse was thrashing around with a broken leg and my poor old dog was howling in pain. This cop comes along, takes one look at my horse and shoots him dead. "Then he goes over to my dog, looks at him and shoots him dead too. Then he come straight over to me and asked me how I was feeling. "Now, mate, what the heck would you have said to him?"

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Lawyer Jokes Horse jokes Police Officer Jokes Farmer Jokes Dog jokes Insurance Comedy

"Well, I reckon you've been a pretty good horse," said the farmer. "You work hard and I ain't had to call the vet on you much. I only wish you pulled the plow a little faster."
"NO!" said the horse, "I said 'feedbag' not 'feedback'."

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Horse jokes Office and Work Jokes Farmer Jokes

I have a horse named mayo...
Mayo neighs.

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Horse jokes