Internet Jokes

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What hhhhb did I do with the internet for

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Internet Jokes

How do barmen surf the web?
On the Gin-ternet.

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Can ask your sister how are you going for Christmas 🎄 and I have internet

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Internet Jokes

Q: Chuck Norris invented the internet?
A: Just so he had a place to store his роrn.

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The death of Friends star David Schwimmer this afternoon came as a huge shock to me, but it’s made me realise how facebook is a primary source of news to many people.
Which is why you just believed me that David Schwimmer is dead.

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when she sits on the internet, it will take a day to send!

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Internet Jokes

I am not a fаn of Facebook as it seems to be a platform for making me feel shiт about my life. I am sure everyone lies about their wonderful lives on it. So, here is my interpretation of what is really being said on Facebook…..
Wow..suitcase packed off on our lovely hols with my amazing husband and wonderful children.
( I am shattered from being up all night packing for these lazy ваsтаrds….I want to drink wine already and its only 4am and we are not even at the airport yet)
Just cooked a lovely meal ( insert picture), can’t wait to snuggle down with my man and eat it!
(hope he chokes on it…and I didn’t cook it at all, I warmed it up then put it on a plate so you will all think I am a domestic goddess)
Had the most amazing night with my lovely friends…
( spent most of the night providing shoulder to cry on for recently dumped friend, trying to stop desperate friend shаgging inappropriate man, holding hair for ‘shots all night’ friend while she vomits up £40 worth of вооzе…..never again.)
Just had a lovely bath complete with candles!!
( had to wash as covered in horse shiт and electricity ran out so was forced to use a candle.)
Enjoyed a lovely long walk with the dogs today!
( because the fuскеrs ran off and it took me 5 miles to catch them.)
Had a lovely day with all the family today!
( what was lovely about it was when they went home)
Am off to see a lovely friend of mine I have not seen since school!
( hope she is fatter and looks older than me)
Spent a lovely afternoon making cakes with the kids!
( will now have to spend the rest of the week cleaning cake batter off the ceiling the fecking animals)
Can’t wait to hit the shops with my daughters today! Girlie shopping!
( goodbye salary hello strops and arguments - just кill me now)
Going to have a lovely relaxing early night!
( have to get to bed and asleep pronto, hubby feeling fruity, am not in mood so instigating avoidance tactics!!..)
You Can See Original Article by Anna Mathews here

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Why do bugs hate the internet?
Because they always get caught.
Get it ?
Inter-net?

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Internet Jokes

My wife couldn’t wait to get home after our wedding reception. I was pretty keen as well, thinking she was after the night of passionate sеx I had in mind.
Turned out she just wanted to change her relationship status on Facebook from ‘Engaged’ to ‘Married’.

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Chuck Norris doesn't use web standards as the web will conform to him.

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2019 Senior Prank- Hey fellas lets black out the school haha were so sneaky oh yes
2020 Senior Prank- Hey guys I’m a tech whiz let’s spread a rumor on the internet saying a disease called the corona virus exists! Haha it’s be so funny and good even the whole world might fall for it
Everyone in December 2020- looks at tech whiz
“…you son of a (censored)!!!”
Tech whiz- “you guys are the (censored)s I mean you fell for it for a whole year

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The computer swallowed Grandma
Yes, honestly it’s true
She pressed control and enter
And disappeared from view
It devoured her completely
The thought just makes me squirm
She must of caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm
I’ve searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind
I’ve even used the internet
But nothing did I find
In desperation I asked Jeeves
My searches to refine
The reply from him was negative
Not a thing was found online
So if inside your inbox
My Grandma you should see
Please copy, scan and paste her
And send her back to me

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Twitter. The bit of skin between тwат and shitter

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Doctor, doctor, should I surf the Internet on an empty stomach?
No, you should do it on a computer.

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What Runs Faster Than Stephen Hawking In His Wheel Chair. His Internet

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Internet Jokes

Q. What’s worse that your mum walking in on you when you’re watching internet pоrn?
A. Changing the tab to Facebook and then realising your 14 year old sister’s “Beach Holiday” photos are on the monitor.

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I haven’t got a twitter account, so I just carry around a megaphone to announce what I’m doing at random times.
I’ve got three followers so far, but I think two are cops.

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At breakfast this morning, my wife said she’s leaving me because of my obsession with Twitter.
I nearly choked on my #Toast

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why did stephen hawkins die
he lost internet connections

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Internet Jokes

Me: makes chuck norris meme
Internet: all the other memes are dead now
Me: well shiт.

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Internet Jokes