Halloween Jokes

When they're nine years old, they have an attention-seeking constitution that is relentless... Honestly, it makes you want to drive drunк on Halloween. Look at Superman fly!

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Back in the days when he was a community organizer, Obama went to a Halloween costume party. He was just wearing his street clothes, and he had his wife sitting on his shoulders.
The host says to him, “Dude, this is a Halloween party! You’re supposed to be wearing a costume!”
Obama replied, I am wearing a costume! I’m a snail!”
“You’re a snail?”
“Yeah, I’m a snail,” said Obama. Then he pointed to his wife and said, “This is Michelle.”

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Halloween Jokes American Presidents Humor

This dude goes to a Halloween costume party wearing only blue jeans; no shirt or shoes.
The host asks him, “What are you supposed to be?”
The guy says, “I’m a premature еjасulатiоn.”
“How in God’s name are you dressed as that?!”
“Because I just came in my pants.”

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God Jokes Halloween Jokes

Why wasn't the vampire working? He was on his coffin break.

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Office and Work Jokes Halloween Jokes Vampire jokes

Halloween Funnies II
What monster flies his kite in a rain storm?
Benjamin Frankenstein
What do ghosts serve for dessert?
Ice Scream
What's a monsters favorite play?
Romeo and Ghouliet
What do witches put on their hair?
Scare spray
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo
What's a haunted chicken?
A poultry-geist
How can you tell when you're in bed with Count Dracula?-
He has a big D on his pajamas

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Halloween Jokes Vampire jokes

I’ve been invited to my mother-in-law’s Halloween party. All my wife’s family will be there, wearing crazy costumes.
I wasn’t sure what to go as, but then I saw an advert for the new series of The Walking Dead, and it gave me a great idea.
I’ll stay in and watch that instead.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Halloween Jokes

Most of you girls should be housewives for Halloween. You've been hoes all year.

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Dirty jokes Halloween Jokes

Just went to a Halloween under 16’s disco.
I told everyone that I came dressed as an old man.
I lied.

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Men jokes Halloween Jokes

My daughter is worried she might have НIV because she fuскеd Charlie Sheen.
Either she’s really dumb or I had the best Halloween costume ever.

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News and Politics Jokes Halloween Jokes

My thalidomide friend has fallen out with me after I dressed him for Halloween.
I thought he looked fuскing awesome but he wasn’t impressed at all.
I don’t get what his problem is, personally I think he looked fuскing awesome as a T-Rex!

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Halloween Jokes Friendship Jokes Disability Jokes

During halloween, I gave candy to every kids who came across my house. I remember seeing a person dressed as Darth Vader. So i thought that it would be okay to shout "he is the dark side!"
It was until he took off his helmet and realised that it was black man.

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Kids Jokes Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Halloween Jokes Star Wars Jokes

A man has died and three others were injured after several stabbings in Croydon on Halloween.
Fuck me, Michael Myers is losing his touch.

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News and Politics Jokes Men jokes Halloween Jokes

I killed a vampire on Halloween this year... or a kid.
Either way, the wooden stake worked.

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Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Halloween Jokes Vampire jokes

Yo momma is hairy she goes as a werewolf every Halloween.

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Halloween Jokes Yo Momma Jokes

Halloween night there were all sorts of spooks out in the neighborhood trick-or-treating.
To be fair and objective, there were some Caucasians knocking on the doors too, cadging for candy bars.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Halloween Jokes

What kind of make up was the girl wearing on Halloween?
Mash-scara!

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Halloween Jokes

This Week’s Headlines You may have missed: …
• Chicago Police Will Use Orange Chalk To Outline Bodies During The Week Before Halloween…
• One of 10,000 Monkeys Sitting At 10,000 Typewriters cranks out “The Quick Brown Foxegty[57klfd@t”…
• Prisoner Undergoes Colostomy Surgery After Dropping Soap In the Gang Shower…
• Slide Rule Manufacturer Begs For Government Subsidies to Stay in Business…
• Bull In Fitting Room Complains that Jerseys Aren’t Tight Enough…
• NBC Ponders New TV Series:
“Airline Tragedies” A Pilot Is Being Put Together As I Write…
• Рrоsтiтuте Installs Card Reader in Vulvа; Johns Can Swipe their VISA or MasterCard Before Shаgging…
• Attractive 3rd Grader Demands Russell Stover Dark Chocolates From Strangers…
• Olives Suffer Depression Because They Aren’t Ugly Enough to Make Extra Virgin Olive Oil…
• Beauty Mark on Model’s Face Leaves to Pursue a Solo Career…

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News and Politics Jokes Police Officer Jokes Halloween Jokes Aviation Jokes Pilot Jokes

Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth. An old lady came over and said. "Son, don't you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?"
"My grandfather lived to be 105 years old!" replied Johnny.
"Did he eat five candy bars at a sitting?" the old lady retorted.
"No," said Johnny, "but he minded his own freakin' business."

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Little Johnny Jokes Halloween Jokes Grandparent Jokes

As I was waiting in the Doctor's office the day after Christmas I accidentally overheard a conversation between the desk employee and another patient on the phone.
Employee:
"Ma'am the Doctor's office will be closed for the next few days due to the snow storm headed into town. Would you please choose a date to reschedule? Would sometime next week be fine?
I could hear the patient on the phone getting upset and not wanting to change her appointment.
Trying to be as polite as he could, the employee began again:
"But ma'am when you show up this week for your appointment no one will be here because of the snow storm."
I then heard yelling from the woman on the line before she abruptly hung up. The employee shook his head in disbelief. Trying to make his day a little better I said,
"You would think after Christmas people would have a better attitude."
Employee:
"She's more Halloween than Christmas!"

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Christmas Jokes Halloween Jokes

Where do ghosts like to travel on vacation?
The Dead Sea! What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost as they drove down the street?
Buckle your sheet bel

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One-Liner Jokes Halloween Jokes