Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

Did I mention that I'm a new father?
Yeah, my 13-year-old son just moved back in.

0 0

Kids Jokes

One fine day in the middle of class at school, a girl raised her asking to be excused:
“Teacher, can I answer the call of nature?”
Knowing what the kid wanted, the teacher said okay. Immediately, the girl ran to the toilet. But, within a minute, she was back. Another girl was shocked by how she could actually take care of business so quickly, and asked how she managed to do it so fact.
The girl responded, “It was a prank call.”

0 0

Kids Jokes School Jokes

There was a little girl named Fufu ...
There was a little girl named Fufu.
She went to school one day and her teacher said, "How do you spell your name?"
The girl replied, "F.U.
- F.U."
Her teacher sent her to the principal's office.
She got to the principal's office and he said, "First off, how do you spell your name?"
She said, "F.U.
- F.U."
He said, "YOU ARE SUSPENDED!"

1 0

Kids Jokes School Jokes

Q: What did one chair say to another chair?
A: "Here comes another a**hole."

0 0

Kids Jokes

"Mommy, the kids all say we're aliens from outer space. That's not true, is it?"
"Vegl dibrogmrn di shtrtl mixtor!"

0 0

Kids Jokes Alien Jokes

Q: Why do mother kangaroos hate it when it rains?
A: Because the kids have to play inside.

25 0

Kids Jokes Animal Jokes Weather jokes

A boy comes running into the kitchen and says, "Mommy, mommy! Grandpa hanged himself in the living room!"
His mother runs into the living room, and sees no one there. Angrily, she says, "Listen. You should never lie like that to me again, do you understand!?!"
"I'm sorry," says the boy. "I was just kidding. He hanged himself in the basement."

0 0

Kids Jokes

A little boy, wearing a big red fire hat, was riding a toy fire truck down the street.
The truck was being pulled by a beautiful Labrador Retriever. Unfortunately, the rope was tied around the dog's privates, and as a consequence, the truck was going very slowly. A man walking down the street noticed how slowly the boy was being pulled and gently said to him, ''You know, son, that truck would go a lot faster if the rope was tied around your dog's neck.''
The boy nodded in agreement and said, ''But then there wouldn't be a siren.''

0 0

Kids Jokes Military Jokes

It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in the grades and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless because of this.
Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today."
Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."
Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."
Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."
Johnny is MAD that Susie answered the question first.
Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."
Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."
Johnny is even madder than before.
Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."
Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."
Johnny is BOILING mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.
When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these вiтсhеs would keep their
mouths shut!"
The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?!?!"
Johnny: "BILL CLINTON. CAN I GO NOW?"

0 0

Kids Jokes School Jokes American Presidents Humor

What did the lima bean say before it went into the рот?
Sufferin' succotash!

0 0

Kids Jokes

Where would you learn how to make ice cream?
At Sundae school.

0 0

Kids Jokes School Jokes Food Jokes

Q: What's the difference between a trampoline and a zombie baby?
A: I take off my shoes when I jump on a trampoline.

11 0

Kids Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Lawyer Jokes

You wanna hear a dirтy joke? A boy fell in a mud puddle.
You wanna hear a clean joke? He took a bath.

0 0

Kids Jokes

Q: What did the blind, deaf, mute quadraplegic boy get for Christmas?
A: Cancer.

0 0

Kids Jokes Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Christmas Jokes Baby Jokes

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie whose dog, Skipper, had recently died."You know,"
Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"

27 0

Kids Jokes God Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Animal Jokes Dad Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Q: What did the fish say when he swam into a cement wall?
A: "Dam."

0 0

Kids Jokes Animal Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Q: What's bright-eyed and bushy-tailed?
A: A squirrel on сrаск.

0 0

Kids Jokes American Presidents Humor

In the backwoods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the middle of the night. The doctor was called in to assist in the delivery.
To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.
"Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down. I think there's yet another wee one to come." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another baby.
"Now don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man. It seems there's yet another!" cried the doctor.
The new father scratched his head in bewilderment and asked the doctor. "Do ya think it's the light that's attractin' them?"

0 0

Kids Jokes

What is green and yellow and lies in a pile of cookie crumbs?
A beat-up girl scout.

0 0

Kids Jokes

Q: Why was the Egyptian boy confused?
A: His daddy was really a mummy.

0 0

Kids Jokes