Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'"
Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken."
Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?"
Mother: "We need the eggs."

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Wilfred had just learned his ABCs and was very scared of reciting them in front of his class. He stood in front of the class trembling and began.
"ABCDEFGHIJLKMNOQRSTUVWXYZ."
His teacher said, "Very good, Wilfred. But you forgot the P. Where's the P?
He replied, "It's running down my leg."

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Kids Jokes School Jokes

Legendarily naughty Little Johnny sat in class quietly as the students were composing a poem with their teacher. When she asked for an F-word that rhymed with "duck" he waved his hand feverishly.
The teacher frowned and passed him by. No kids, however, could offer her a solution. Finally she glared at Johnny and called on him.
Johnny put on his devlish grin and said, "An F-word that rhymes with duck is.... fluctuation."
The teacher blurted out, "No Johnny, that's suскs! I'm so sick of telling you what a little frigging a**hole you are!"

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes Animal Jokes Student jokes

Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 10 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 10 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away.
At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together."
Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?"
The priest replied, "I mean her legs."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Religion jokes Kids Jokes Sex Jokes Catholic Jokes Priest Jokes

An old mountaineer and his young ex-wife were fighting over custody of their children.
The mother protested that since she brought her kids into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The judge asked the old mountaineer for his side of the story.
After a long moment of silence, the mountaineer rose from his chair and asked, "Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes

A man has six children and is very proud of this fact; he even starts calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home now, Mother of Six?"
His wife shouts back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"

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Men vs Women Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes

Some strangers sit at the bar. One guy says, "My name is Larry, and I am a SNAG."
Another guy asks, "What's that?"
The first guy says, "I am a Single, New Age Guy."
Another guy says, "My name is Gary, and I am a DINК."
A lady asks, "What's that?"
He says, "Double Income, No Kids."
The lady says, "That's nice. My name is Gertrude, and I am a WIFE."
Larry asks, "A WIFE?"
Gertrude says, "Wash, Iron, F**k, Etc."

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Men vs Women Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Single People Jokes Sexist Jokes

Two children were in a doctor's waiting room. The little girl was softly sobbing.
"Why are you crying?" asked the little boy.
"I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger," said the girl.
When he heard this, the little boy started to cry.
"Why are you crying?" asked the girl.
The boy looked at her worriedly and said, "I'm here for a urinе test."

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Men vs Women Jokes Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

One day Mom was cleaning Junior's room and in the closet she found a воndаgе S&M magazine.
This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his Father got home and showed it to him.
He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word. So she asked him, "What should we do about this?"
Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."

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Men vs Women Jokes Kids Jokes

There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own.
He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them. As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date. This was the first time this had occurred. As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss.
The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered the door and the lad said, "Hi, my name's Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way.
The next lad arrived and said, "My name's Eddie, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?" Father felt this one was okay too, so off the two kids went.
The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy started off, "Hi, my name's Chuck -" and the farmer shot him.

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Men vs Women Jokes Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Boss Jokes

One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving when the kid he hired to mow his lawn, a local kid named Bubba, comes in to рее. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is.
"Well," says Bubba, "every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my реnis on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"
The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night. So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out his реnis and whacked it three times on the bedpost. His wife, half-asleep, said, "Bubba? Is that you?"

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Men vs Women Jokes Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Sex Jokes

What did the Hispanic fireman...
Q: What did the Hispanic fireman name his son?
A: Jose.

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News and Politics Jokes Kids Jokes

It's 1957, and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue.
Peggy Sue's father answers the door and invites him in.He asks Bobby what they're planning to do on the date. Bobbytells him that they'll probably go to the malt shop or a drive-in movie.Peggy Sue's father suggests, "Why don't you kids go out and sсrеw? I hear all of the kids are doing it."Bobby is shocked. "Excuse me, sir?""Oh yes," he replies. "Peggy Sue really likes to sсrеw. She'll sсrеw all night if we let her."Peggy Sue comes downstairs and announces that she's ready to go.About 20 minutes later, Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams, "Dad! The Twist! It's called the Twist!"

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes Dating Jokes

You Know You're Out Of College When...
1. Your salary is less than your tuition.
2. Your potted plants stay alive.
3. Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd.
4. You keep more food than вееr in the fridge.
5. You have to pay your own credit card bill.
6. Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal.
7. You haven't seen a soap opera in over a year.
8. 8:00a.m. is not early.
9. You have to file for your own taxes.
10. You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.
11. You're not carded anymore.
12. You carry an umbrella.
13. You learn that "Bachelor" is a nicer term for a jаскаss.
14. "Extended childhood" only really pertains to your salary, which is a little less than your allowance used to be.
15. "Twenty-something" means over-qualified, under-paid, and not married.
16. Your friends marry instead of hook-up, and divorce instead of break-up.
17. You start watching the weather channel.
18. Jeans and baseball caps aren't staples in your wardrobe.
19. You can no longer take shots, and smoking gives you a sinus attack.
20. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
21. You stop confusing 401K plan with 10K run.
22. You go to parties that the police don't raid.
23. Adults feel comfortable telling jokes about sеx in front of you.
24. You don't know what time Wendy's closes anymore.
25. Your car insurance goes down.
26. You refer to college students as kids.
27. You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of вееr, bourbon, and ruм.

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School Jokes Office and Work Jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Sex Jokes Police Officer Jokes Friendship Jokes Wine jokes Beer Jokes Insurance Comedy

Little Johnny was walking down the hallway at school.
When he reaches his classroom he looks inside and sees a sub instead of his regular teacher. Johnny sits down and the teacher says, Now students, my name is Ms. Prussy. Not the other word, this word has an r after the first letter. Johnny started laughing. An hour later he forgot her name and said, Your name has an r after the first letter - is it Ms. Crunt?

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes

Q: Why is the math book always upset?
A: Because it has a lot of problems.

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Math Jokes

Three women are discussing their teenage daughters.
The first declares: "I was so shocked last week. I was tidying my daughter''s room and I found a packet of cigarettes under her pillow. I didn't even know that she smoked!"
"It gets worse than that," says the second mother. "I was tidying my daughter''s room last week and I found a bottle of vоdка under her bed. I didn't even know that she drank!"
"Oh, it gets even worse than that," says the third mother. "I was tidying my daughter''s room last week and you''ll never guess what I found in her bedside cabinet: a packet of condoms! I didn't even know that she had a реnis!"

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School Jokes Jokes about Women Kids Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Little Johnny's teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail.
Little Johnny says, "De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail."

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Animal Jokes

Teacher: "Little Johnny, give me a sentence using the word, 'geometry.'"
Little Johnny: "A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, 'Gee, I'm a tree.'"

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Math Jokes

W.I.F.E.
Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their jobs. One guy says, ''I'm a YUPPIE...ya know...Young, Urban, Professional. The second guy says, ''I'm a DINК ...ya know...Double Income No Kids.'' They asked the woman, ''What are you?''
She replied... ''I'm a WIFE...ya know... WASH, IRON, F**K, ETC.''

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