Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

I wasn’t concentrating while driving this morning and crashed into a ‘Stop’ sign. I got out of the car to check the damage.
The sign was slightly веnт and there was a small scratch on my bumper. Both could be repaired cheaply, so that wasn’t too bad.
It wasn’t all good news, though. I could tell from the kids’ screams that the lollipop man was pretty fuскеd up.

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Five-year old Jeffery was sitting next to an elderly lady in church. When it came time to put money in the collection plate, the lady didn't have any money so she passed the plate on to the next person, who was sitting to Jeffery's right.
He watched the proceedings and finally spoke to the elderly lady, "We didn't want any did we?"
She had to contain her laughter.

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Money jokes Kids Jokes

(Grandpa) Kids these days don't know history or politics.
(Grandson) I do grandpa, I know history and politics.
(Grandpa) OK then, who is Mitt Romney?
(Grandson) He was a tank commander in WWII, right?

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Kids Jokes Military Jokes Political Jokes

And now I'm getting older, so my mom wants grandchildren. I said, 'Mom, go for it.'

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Kids Jokes

Say girl, are you a gorilla exhibit? Cause I wanna drop a kid in you.

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Kids Jokes Animal Jokes

How do you stop a black kid from jumping on the bed? …
…
Put velcro on the ceiling!

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Kids Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Kid: I'm way better than you!
Me: At being a f*cking cunt

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Kids Jokes Insult Jokes

I'm from Chicago, but I pay child support in Seattle. I'm just kidding -- I don't pay child support.

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Kids Jokes

I never really had pets when I was a kid. There was one time I asked my mom for a puppy. She was like, 'Nah, puppies cost too much. I'm gonna get you a dog from the shelter. They cheaper.' I don't know if you know about those dogs from the shelter, but they be a little bit off. We ended up getting, like, a crackhead dog.

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Kids Jokes Animal Jokes

My mother always told me, 'Boy, if somebody asks you a sтuрid question, you give them a sтuрid answer.' The cops walked up to my car, 'Would you like to step out of the car?' I said, 'Неll no, it's hot! I got the air conditioner on. How about you hop your аss in here with me?'

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Kids Jokes

The young boy protested vigorously when his mother asked him to take his little sister along fishing. “The last time she came,” he objected, “I didn’t catch a single fish.” “I’ll talk to her,” his mother said, “and I promise this time she won’t make any noise.”
“It wasn’t the noise, Mom,” the boy replied. “She ate all my bait.”

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Kids Jokes Single People Jokes

I was visiting a friend who could not find her cordless phone. After several minutes of searching, her young daughter spoke up.
“You know what they should invent? A phone that stays connected to its base so it never gets lost.”

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Kids Jokes Friendship Jokes

I work a lot but still want to help around the house and with the kids. My wife asked me to do the dishes, put the kids to bed and read a bedtime story.
The next day she had no assignments for me so I asked why. She informed me that I just don’t have the skill set and that she had to redo the dishes.
I said how about the bedtime story thing? She said, well, ok, but this time you have to read it out loud.

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes

One day, two little friends were walking home from school and kid #1 said,” I have noticed, in the morning while looking out my window that your father goes to work earlier than my dad, yet they work together... Why is that?" Then kid #2 not having a clear answer, replies "well, he goes early to swing on the gate!"

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes Friendship Jokes Dad Jokes

When I was a kid, my dad said, “Son, I wanted to let you know you were adopted,”
“Are you kidding? Really?” I shouted, my eyes welling up with tears.
“Yup, get ready,” he said. “They’ll be picking you up in about a half an hour.”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

So a kid goes up to his father and says..
"Dad I had sеx today!" Then the Dad says
"Good son good come sit down with me".
Then the kid says.. "I cant, my аss hurts".

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Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

Little Jimmy's mother was serving prunes for dessert, but little Jimmy didn't like prunes one little bit! He grumbled and complained and absolutely refused to eat them. Mother was very cross and told Jimmy that God would be very angry if he didn't eat his prunes. Still he wouldn't eat them, so in desperation, mother sent him to his room. Later in the evening a fierce thunderstorm blew up. There was much thunder and lightning. Feeling somewhat sorry for little Jimmy and thinking that he might be afraid of the storm, mother went up to his room. When she opened the door, Jimmy was kneeling looking out the window. Mother heard him say, "Gee whiz, God, all this just for two measly prunes?"

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Kids Jokes God Jokes

Little Johnny’s teacher was teaching the kids about starvation.
Being a good teacher she decided to call on selected students to draw a picture of starvation on the board.
Sue went first, she drew a round circle with three little lines in the middle of the circle.
The teacher said, “that’s very good Sue. What is it?”
Sue said, “that’s a plate with only three carrot sticks to eat, I think that …represents starvation.”
Next went Dan, he drew a round circle with 3 dots in the middle. The teacher said, “that’s good Dan. What is it?”
Dan said, “that’s a plate with only 3 peas to eat. I think that represents starvation.”
Johnny went next. He drew a picture of a round circle with little squiggely lines all over in the circle.
The teacher said, “that’s good Johnny. What is it?”
Johnny said, “that’s an a-hole with cob webs…….. If that isn’t starvation, I don’t know what is.

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Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes

A little boy was walking down the street with a steak on his head, a man walked over to him and asked: Little boy why have you got a steak on your head? The little boy replied I'm not a little boy I’m a fork!

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Kids Jokes Men jokes

The man in the cafe asked the waiter, "What is this mouse doing in my alphabet soup?"
The waiter looked for a minute and said,
"Learning to read sir."

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Kids Jokes Men jokes