Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

It’s a perfect afternoon for marinated ice cubes!
You can make your marinade from a wide choice of ingredients including:
Scotch or Irish whiskey
Canadian whisky
Bourbon (To be labeled as bourbon whiskey it must be distilled and aged in the USA from USA grain)
Vodka (Preferably something middle shelf or top shelf unless you are on a college kid’s budget)
Rum
Tequila
Jagermeister
Gin
Vermouth
Bitters
Coke
Orange juice
Water or seltzer water
7-Up or lemon-lime carbonated drink
Sliced lemons and limes
Bottoms up!

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A third grader that got into trouble from time to time was in the principal’s office for a quiet talking to. “And Peter,” asked the principal, “how do yu like your teacher? Do you get along all right?’
“Oh, yes sir,” replied Peter. “ I think she’s the cream of the coop.”

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Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes

I get intimidated by people a lot, but I'm mostly intimidated by English children 'cause I think that they all sound like they're 50.

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Kids Jokes

A unit in sеx education was about to begin, and each student had to bring in a permission slip in order to take it. A boy handed in his slip and explained to the teacher, “My mom says I can take the course as long as there’s no homework.’

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Kids Jokes Sex Jokes

When my daughter was little, we took a vacation to Florida. Seated on the airplane near the wing, I pointed out to Rhonda that we were above the ocean. "Can you see the water?" I asked her.
"No," she said, peering out the window at the wing, "but I can see the diving board."

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Kids Jokes

Sally was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the bottle. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 5-year-old daughter to answer the phone.
“Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.”

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Kids Jokes

Bully: Hey diскhеаd how is your day?(Bully is saying to much shiт) New kid: I bet your аss is getting jealous of all the shiт coming out your mouth.
Class: OOOHHHH!!!

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Kids Jokes Insult Jokes

How does a kid from Alabama remember how to put on his underwear? …
…
Yellow in front and brown in the back

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Kids Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Today I decided to burn a lot of calories... So I lit a fат kid on fire!!!

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Kids Jokes Fat Jokes

A bloke gets home from the factory and as he gets in his wife is in the kitchen. The house is spotless and the kids are clean and tidy sat watching the TV. Even the dog has had a bath. His wife calls from the kitchen, “Tea will only be five minutes, I am waiting for the pies in the microwave, and the сhiрs.”
“Fuск me,” he replied, “is the internet down or something?”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Internet Jokes

I had a kid who threatened to кill me one year because I gave him an F. Another teacher caught one of my students writing 'Кill Mr. Vallee' in his weekly planner in the section labeled 'Weekly Goals and Objectives.' And the school was freakin' out. They didn't know what to do about it. They kept asking me if I felt threatened, and I'm like, 'Why? This kid hasn't met any goals in his objectives all year.'

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

So this kids dad walks into his sons room and says,
"Did you know if you маsтеrвате too much you will go blind?" His son says,
"Hey dad, I'm over here."

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Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

The following conversation took place in a government meeting regarding the school curriculum.
Adviser: So what are we gonna teach the kids?
Politician: I’ve decided to go with Pythagoras’s theorem.
Adviser: But what about car repairs, applying for loans, buying a house, starting a business or doing taxes?
Politician: No!! Finding the length of a triangle is more important.

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Political Jokes

We should start telling kids that Santa moved to the Amazon and sends gifts in the mail now.

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Kids Jokes One-Liner Jokes

They had this article taped [to the register], and the headline of the article said 'Did you know the blood of 40 million babies has stained United States soil since 1963 through legalized abortion.' And I'm like, Whoa, whoa -- 40 million babies stained U. S. soil? Who's doing these abortions outside? Oh my God, put down a tarp or something!

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Kids Jokes God Jokes

A little boy took the chair at the barbershop. “How would you like your hair cut today, son?” asked the barber. “Oh, do it like you do Daddy’s, with the big hole at the back.”

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Kids Jokes

What did the hot dog say when he crossed the finish line?
I’m the wiener!

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Kids Jokes

“Do you know what happens when you die? ” this priest said to me,
“Well yes, ” I replied, “the kids will argue over my shiт, the wife will probably shаg my brother again, and everybody who thinks I am a proper сunт will go round telling my family what a great bloke I was. ”

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Religion jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes

Why are parents so bad at discussing sеx with their kids?
When I was ten-years-old, I saw two dogs shаgging in the street and asked my Mum what they were doing.
“Dancing,” she replied.
The first school dance I went to, I got fсuкing expelled.

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School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Sex Jokes

Now that I'm a dad, I'll call my dad, ask for advice. He always says the same thing, 'How'd you get this number?'

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Kids Jokes Dad Jokes