Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

My best friend just had her third child. She'll be sterilized by the state soon.

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A little girl was being selfish to her brothers. Her Dad sat her down and gave her a big lecture about being selfish. When he was done, the little girl said; "Daddy, I don't even have a shell fish!

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Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

As an innocent kid, growing up amongst adults, quaffing adult beverages, I was confused as to why an “eye opener” and a “nightcap” were identical.

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Kids Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

There's a French guy, an Italian guy, an Brit gentleman and a Croatian guy.
The French guy flies to Paris. On his way, he drops a croissant.
Then at Paris airport he sees a kid crying. He asks
"Why are you crying?"
The kid replies "Someone dropped a croisssant on my head!"
Next the Italian guy flies to Rome. On the way down he drops a pizza.
At Roma airport he sees a kid crying.
He asks "Why are you crying?" The kid replies
"Someone dropped a pizza on my head!"
Then the Brit guy flies to London.
On the way he drops a plate of fish and сhiрs.
Then at London Heathrow airport he sees a kid crying.
He asks "Why are you crying?"
The boy replies "Someone dropped a plate of fish and сhiрs on my head!"
Finally the Croatian guy flies to Zagreb.
On the way he drops a bomb
In town he sees a kid laughing, next to a destroyed school.
The guy asks"Why are you laughing?"
The kid replies " I farted and the whole school exploded!

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School Jokes Kids Jokes

Yesterday was "Take Your Daughters and Sons to Work Day"...
Which basically means today is "Stay Late At Work To Catch Up On All The Things You Couldn't Get Done Because Your Kid Was Bothering You In The Office Day"!

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Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes

Growing up, I never thought it was a big deal having two white parents. But now I feel like I have to give them credit because they adopted me back in the 70s, when it was still a little dangerous to have the ethnic kid. 'Cause this is before 'Diff'rent Strokes' had come out -- nobody knew what Willis was talking about back then.

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Kids Jokes

Sama wanted to eat a mango from the tree. He climbed the tree, inspected the mangoes and saw the one he wanted. He then got down so that he could shoot it down and eat.

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Kids Jokes

The interesting thing about our mix -- being that I'm black and she's Japanese -- people say, 'Y'all are gonna have some beautiful children.' I guess. It could be, or they could just have short legs and long arms.

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Kids Jokes

During a sixth grade sеx education class, the young professor asked,
"What happens to a young woman during puberty?"
There was no reply from her students, so she rephrased the question. "What happens to young women as they mature?"
One girl raised her hand and answered, “We start carrying purses?”

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Jokes about Women Kids Jokes Sex Jokes

Q. Why are pancakes like a baseball game?
A. Because they depend on the batter.

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Kids Jokes

How do people lose their kids at the mall? Seriously, any tips would be greatly appreciated.

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Kids Jokes

The day my little boy was born, a friend of mine called me because his little girl was born the day before. He goes, 'Who knows? Maybe they'll end up getting married.' My little boy's a day old. His little girl's two days old. He's not gonna marry someone twice his age.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Friendship Jokes

Looking late at night for the lost family dog is a bit like mine and my wife’s marriage.
We both know it’s dead, but we keep trying for the kids.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes

Anant: I can't marry you. My family members don't agree.
Blonde: Who's there in you family, who is opposing ?
Anant: My wife and 2 kids.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Blonde Jokes

A mother was anxiously awaiting her daughter's plane. She had just come back from a far away land trying to find adventure.
As the daughter was exiting the plane, the mother noticed a man directly behind her daughter dressed in feathers with exotic markings all over his body and carrying a shrunken head. The daughter introduced this man as her new husband.
The mother gasped in disbelief and disappointment and screamed, "I said for you to marry a Rich Doctor! A RICH Doctor!"

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Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

It’s the first day of school and the teacher thought she’d get to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living.
The first little girl says:
“My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman.”
The next little boy says:
“I’m Andy and my Dad is a mechanic.”
Then one little boy says:
“My name is Jimmy and my father is a loser who prefers to lay on the couch all day and watch TV, while Mom goes off to work to support us.”
The teacher gasps and quickly changes the subject, but later in the schoolyard the teacher approaches Jimmy privately and asks if it was really true what he had said about his father.
He blushed and said, “I’m sorry but my dad plays hockey for Team USA, and I was just too embarrassed to say so.”

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Office and Work Jokes Sports Jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes USA Jokes Dad Jokes

Little Pete came home from the playground with a вlооdy nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious he’d been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened.
“Well, Dad,” said Pete, “ I challenged Larry to a duel. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons.”
“Uh-huh,” said the father, “that seems fair.”
“I know, but I never thought he’d choose his sister!”

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Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

When I was a kid, my dad sat me down and showed me pictures of why I should always wear a соndом. Funny thing is, they were all just pictures of me.

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Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

A three year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. When they returned home, he breathlessly informed his mother that there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. "How did you know?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."

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Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

Are you an orphanage? Cause I wanna give you kids.

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Kids Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes