Brenda's five-year-old grandson Logan was spending the evening at his grandparents' home. He asked if he could watch the "Brer Rabbit" video and then made a second request to watercolor.Brenda asked him which one of the two he wanted to do.He looked up and replied, "Grandma, I have two eyes. I can do two things at once." 0 0 0
Vern: Do you think Mighty Mouse could beat up Superman?Teddy: What are you, crazy?Vern: Why not? I saw the other day he was carrying five elephants in one hand!Teddy: You don't know nothing! Mighty Mouse is a cartoon. Superman's a real guy. There's no way a cartoon could beat up a real guy.Vern: Yeah, maybe you're right. It'd be a good fight, though. 0 0 0
I didn't want to join the Cub Scouts, my father made me. I was willing to join the Cub Scout Reserves. 0 0 0
You really wanna know what you look like to other people? Here's how I found out. Don't look at a picture of yourself or in the mirror. You really wanna know, have a child draw you. 0 0 0
I should have known better than to take my four-year-old son shopping with me. I spent the entire time in the mall chasing after him. Finally, I’d had it."Do you want a stranger to take you?!" I scolded.Thrilled, he yelled back, "That depends, will HE take me to the zoo?" 0 0 0
My wife just called me.She said, “The two kids want you to take them Bowling on Saturday, then afterwards they want you to take them to the cinema.”“It’s either one or the other,” I said, “otherwise it’s too expensive.”“Okay,” she replied. “Which one do you prefer?”I said, “David.” 0 0 0
So, after beating the сrар out of the nerdy kid in my class who always gets things right, I returned to the front of the classroom and resumed teaching. 0 0 0
It was actually very strange growing up because both my parents are actors, so they were always worried that we wouldn't create a scene. 0 0 0
Sammy wants to test the math skills of his 5 year old cousin, Perry. He asks him, "If you have two candies and I give you two candies, how many candies will you have?"Without hesitating, Perry answers. "Before I answer that, first give me the two candies." 0 0 0
I feel like you know what you're going to be good at when you're older based on what you like when you're younger. When I was younger my best friend was Tony, this kid Tony, and he loved rocks. He was always playing with rocks, counting them, and now he's a сrаск head. 0 0 0
I saw this little girl -- she had sweatpants on that had the word 'Juicy' written across her аss, like, right across her аss. She was, like, seven years old, walking with her father. I think any father that allows their seven-year-old daughter to wear sweatpants with the word 'Juicy' written across her аss should be put in prison for child endangerment. And his orange jumpsuit should have the word 'Juicy' written right across the аss. 0 0 0
The guy, in his cups, was lamenting to the bartender that he met his wife in a house of prostitution. “You shouldn’t be so unhappy about it,” the barkeep said, “it’s actually real romantic.”“Oh, yeah?” responded the man. “Well, I thought she was home taking care of the kids - and she thought I was bowling. “And to clinch it all, the madam wouldn’t give me my money back and refused to give me another girl!” 0 0 0
She proposed to me. How weird is that? It wasn't thoughtful. It wasn't romantic. She just came in and said it:'Listen, uh -- I'm pregnant.' 0 0 0
I'm not gonna cut the cord. I mean, babies get mixed up or even stolen from hospitals all the time. This is obviously the best way to prevent it. What better way to prove it's your kid than to make sure it's still connected to you? Believe me, I raised four cordless kids -- they were outta control. 0 0 0
I assume the only reason we have them is so that white people feel relevant in sports. Because other than that the only thing the winter Olympics show me is which country has more rich white kids. What's it cost to go skiing -- $900 a day? I can't believe that's not more popular in the inner cities. 0 0 0
I have decided that I am going to stay a virgin throughout my life...That way I can set an example for my kids. 0 0 0