Life Jokes - Page 7

Imagine that ur in the forest where there is a tiger in front of you right about to eat you.
What do you do?
U stop imagining...

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Life Jokes

One day Daily Mail has a article with title: "One in four cannot read."
The next day one another newspaper writes: "Nice to see a newspaper finally acknowledging their audience."

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Life Jokes

Q: How did the hail stone describe its life?
A: It really has a lot of ups and downs.

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Life Jokes Weather jokes

One man's hobby was fishing, he spent all his weekends near the river or lake, paying no attention to weather. One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the river, as usual.
It was cold and raining, so he decided to return back to his house.
He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife. "What terrible weather today honey," he said to her.
"Yes. And my idiот husband went fishing!" she replied.

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Fishing Jokes Men jokes Life Jokes

10 Facts About You:
1. You're reading this now.
2. You're realizing that this is a sтuрid fact.
4. You didn't notice I skipped number 3.
5. You're checking now.
6. You're smiling.
7. You're still reading this even though it is sтuрid.
9. You didn't realize I skipped number 8.
10. You're checking again and smiling because you fell for it again.
11. You're enjoying this.
12. You didn't realize I said 10 facts not 12.

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Life Jokes

Define "Egghead":
What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.

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Life Jokes

How many Mafia hitmen does it take to light the bonfire?
Three, One to set fire to the effigy, one to watch his back, and one to shoot any witnesses.

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Life Jokes

An ideal man doesn't drink, doesn't snore, doesn't watch football, doesn't argue and DOESNT'T EXIST.

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Men jokes Life Jokes

You want to come in my life, the door is open.
You want to get out of my life, the door is open.
Just one request.
Don’t stand at the door, you’re blocking the traffic.

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Life Jokes

Women are looking for Mr. Right.
Men are looking for Ms. Right Now.

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Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes Life Jokes

Маdоnnа is 54 and her boyfriend's 25, Jennifer Lopez is 43 and her boyfriend's 26, so if you're single its ok, maybe he's just not born yet.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Single People Jokes Life Jokes

What do you call a girl who does not маsтurвате?
A liar

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Masturbation jokes Kids Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Dirty jokes Life Jokes

- Doc, I think I need to wear glasses.
- Indeed you have to, you are in a bank.

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Banker Jokes Life Jokes

Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are hiking. They hiked all day long and then, having gotten tired, unpacked and quickly retired.
Holmes wakes up deep into the night, wakes Watson and says "Watson, do you see the bright stars and do you notice how clear the sky is? What can you deduce from it?"
Watson yawns and tries to play the game.
"Well, this clearly tells us the weather tomorrow is going to be dry and sunny."
"No, my friend. It’s much simpler than that. Someone has stolen our tent."

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Sherlock Holmes Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Friendship Jokes Life Jokes

I'm actually glad that 2 Chainz mentions his name at the begin of every song.
It gives me time to change the radio station.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Music and Musician Jokes Life Jokes

A Roadway driver is driving east on Route 66 he sees a truck driving west and the CB crackles to life.
“Hey Roadway driver, who are the two biggest fаgs in America?” comes from the CB.
The Roadway driver replies, “I don’t know.”
The other trucker says ” You and your brother.”
Well the Roadway driver gets annoyed but the other driver tells him “It’s just a joke – tell it to the next truck you see.”
Well the Roadway driver drives for about an hour and finally sees another truck.
He gets on the CB and says “Hey other truck, do you know who the two biggest fаgs in the world are?”
The other trucker says, “I don’t know, who?”
The roadway driver replies “Me and my brother.”

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Car and driving jokes Men jokes USA Jokes Life Jokes

Before sеx, you help each other get nакеd. After sеx you dress yourself.
Moral of the story: No one helps you once you're fuскеd.

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Vulgar jokes Life Jokes

Q: Why did the Energizer cell go to court?
A: For charges of battery.

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Prison Jokes Life Jokes

Abraham wanted a new suit, so he bought a nice piece of cloth and then tried to locate a tailor.
The first tailor he visited looked at the cloth and measured Abraham, then told him the cloth was not enough to make a suit.
Abraham was unhappy with this opinion and sought another tailor.
This tailor measured Abraham, then measured the cloth, and then smiled and said, "There is enough cloth to make a pair of trousers, a coat and a vest, please come back in a week to take your suit."
After a week Abraham came to take his new suit, and saw the tailor’s son wearing trousers made of the same cloth.
Perplexed, he asked, "Just how could you make a full suit for me and trousers for your son, when the other tailor could not make a suit only?"
"It’s very simple," replied the tailor, "The other tailor has two sons."

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Life Jokes

Scientists invented a machine to catch thieves.
In 30 minutes in Canada the machine caught 10 thieves, in 15 minutes in the U.S the machine caught 5 thieves, in 3 minutes in Trinidad thieves stole the machine.

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Criminal Jokes Science jokes Life Jokes