Little Johnny - Page 16

What did little Johnny's mother do when she caught him zapping the other children with static electricity?
She grounded him.

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Little Johnny Jokes

Little Johnny has just been toilet trained and decides to use the big toilet like his daddy.
He pushes up the seat and balances his little on the rim.
Just then the toilet seat slams down, and little Johnny lets out a scream.
His mother comes running to find Johnny hopping round the room clutching his gеniтаls and howling.
He looks up at her with his little tear stained face and sniffles,
“K-k-k-k-kiss {sniff} it better.”
Little Johnny’s mother shouts, “Don’t start your father’s сrар with me!”

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Little Johnny Jokes

One day, Little Johnny’s teacher asked the class, “Children, if you know the answer, please raise your hand! Tell me things you can suск!”
“Ice cream, ma’am!” Little Mary answered.
“Good, Jane.” teacher said, “Anyone else?”
“How about a lollipop?” said Steven.
“Very good, now it’s your turn Johnny!” the teacher said.
Little Johnny, sitting at back then answered, “A lamp!”
The teacher and all of the students wondered about Little Johnny’s answer.
Then the teacher asked him, “Johnny, why do you think one can suск a lamp?”
“Well, last night when I passed my parents’ bedroom”, Little Johnny answered, “I heard my mom say, turn off the lamp, honey and let me suск it.”

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes

Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth. An old lady came over and said. "Son, don't you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?"
"My grandfather lived to be 105 years old!" replied Johnny.
"Did he eat five candy bars at a sitting?" the old lady retorted.
"No," said Johnny, "but he minded his own freakin' business."

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Little Johnny Jokes Halloween Jokes Grandparent Jokes

"Johnny, where's your homework?" Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy, while holding out her hand.
"My dog ate it," was his solemn response.
"Johnny, I have been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?"
"It's true, Miss Martin, I swear," insisted Johnny. "I had to force him, but he ate it!"

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes Dog jokes

Once little Johnny heard a grunting noise upstairs. He goes in his parents' room and sees them moving under the blanket . His dad comes out and says "Oh ! Son we were just wrestling ." Little Johnny says "Oh. I"LL BE HULK HOGAN!!" And dives in the bed.

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Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes Superhero Jokes

Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked,
"Grandpa are you going to take that new Viаgrа?"
Grandpa, caught off-guard, looks at him and says,
"No Johnny, I will not."
"But Grandpa, why not?" asks little Johnny.
Grandpa replies,
"Well Johnny, because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you have no one to write to."

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Little Johnny Jokes Old People Jokes Viagra jokes

One day, little Johnny came up to his father and asked, “Dad, where did I come from?”
Dad squirmed a bit, but thought it was time his son knew the facts of life. He told him the expression of love resulted in the beginning of life. How life developed and finally, how a child was born. As the story unfolded, Johnny’s eyes got wider and wider.
When his father was finished, Johnny said, “Wow, that is really neat. That sure beats what Billy told me. He said that he came from Cranston.”

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Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" asked the teacher.
Little Johnny raises his hand as says,
“A congressman.”
The teacher asked why and Little Johnny replied,
"Because they spend most of their time at recess."

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes

A teacher asks the class to name things that end with ‘tor’ that eat things.
The first little boy says, “Alligator.”
“Very good, that’s a big word.”
The second boy says, “Predator.”
“Yes, that’s another big word. Well done.”
Little Johnny says, “Viвrатоr, Miss.”
After nearly falling off her chair, she says, “That is a big word, but it doesn’t eat anything.”
“Well my sister has one and she says it eats fсuкing batteries like there’s no tomorrow!”

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes

Mother asks little Johnny, as they wait for the bus, to tell the driver he is 4 years old when asked because he will ride for free. As they get into the bus the driver asks Johnny how old he was. "I am 4 years old".
"And when will you be six years old?" asks the driver. “When I get off the bus" answers Johnny.

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Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes

L ittle Willie had a gambling problem. He’d bet on anything. One day, Willie’s father consulted his teacher.
The teacher said. “Mr. Gaines, I think I know how to teach Willie a real lesson. We’ll trap him into a big wager that he’ll lose.”
Willie’s father agreed to cooperate with the plan.
The next day at school, the teacher watched Willie making wagers with the other children, and she said, “Willie, I want you to remain after class.”
When the others had left the classroom, Willie walked up to the teacher. Before she could say a word, he said, ” Don’t say it, Miss Brown; I know what you’re going to say, but you’re a liar!”
“Willie!” the startled teacher said.” What are you talking about.”
“Your a fake!” Willie continued.”How can I believe anything you tell me? You’ve got this blond hair on top, but I’ve seen your bush and it’s pitch black!”
Trying to keep her cool, the teacher said, “Willie that isn’t true.”
“I’ll bet a dollar it is !” Willie challenged.
The teacher saw her chance to teach Willie his lesson.”Make it five dollars and you have a bet,” she said.
“You’re on!” Willie whipped out a five dollar bill. Before anyone could come into the room, Miss Brown. dropped her раnтiеs, spread her legs, and showed Willie that her рuвiс hair was as blond as the hair on top of her head.
Willie hung his head. “You win,” he said, handing her the fiver. Miss. Brown couldn’t wait for him to leave so she could get to a phone to call his father. She reported what had happened. “Mr. Gaines,” she said, “I think we’ve finally taught him his lesson.”
“The hеll we have,” the father muttered. “This morning Willie bet me ten dollars that he’d see your рussy before the day was over.

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Blonde Jokes American Presidents Humor

The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt.
Little Johnny interrupted, "My dad looked back once, while he was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and he turned into a telephone pole!"

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Religion jokes School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes

Little Johnny’s teacher was asking all the kids in the class what their parents did for a living.
Little Mary got up and said, “my Dad is a pilot, and my Mommy is an architect.”
“Great” said the teacher.
Michael got up and said, “my Dad is a Doctor, and my Mom is a housewife.” Good said the teacher.
Johnny was last in the class and when he got up he said:
“My Mommy, she is a substitute.”
Knowing better about his background and always striving to correct the kids, the teacher said, “you mean she is a Рrоsтiтuте?”
“No”. Said Johnny, “my Sister, she is the Рrоsтiтuте, but when she does not feel well, my Mommy substitutes.”

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Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dad Jokes School Jokes Aviation Jokes Pilot Jokes

Dan had a brown filly and a white filly and he wanted to get them bred, so borrowed his neighbor’s Stallion and turned it loose in the pasture. He told his son, Johnny, to watch and come in and tell him when the stallion was finished.
“Yeah daddy, yeah daddy,” said Johnny.
After a while Johnny came into the living room where his father was talking with some friends.
“Daddy,” said Johnny.
“Yes,” replied Dan.
“The stallion just fcuked the white filly.”
There was a sudden lull in the conversation.
Dan said, “Excuse me” and took his son outside. “Johnny, you mustn’t use language like that in front of my friends. You should say ‘The stallion surprised the white filly’. Now go and watch and tell me when the stallion surprises the brown filly.”
Dan went back inside the house. After a while the boy came in and said, “Hey, Daddy.”
“Yes, son. Did the stallion surprise the brown filly?”
“He sure did, Pop! He fcuked the white filly again!”

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Little Johnny Jokes Friendship Jokes

One day the school principal was talking to Little Johnny's teacher about his behavior, when all of a sudden Johnny comes running down the hallway. The principal stops Johnny and asks him, why are you running? Little Johnny says; I’m keeping two kids from fighting, sir. Who? ask the principal. Me and the kid chasing me; and off he went.

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes

Teacher: If there are seven flies and I hit one with a ruler, how many are left?
Little Johnny: Just the squashed one.

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes

Little Johnny sat on the porch with his grandad. His grandad’s having a вееr, little Johnny asks, “grandad, can I have some of your вееr?” grandad says, “can you touch your аrsе with your реnis?” Johnny says, “no,” grandad says, “you’re too young then, you can’t have any.” next minute grandad lights up a cigar, Johnny asks, “can I have some of your cigar grandad?” again grandad asks him if he can touch his аrsе with his реnis, Johnny says, “no,” grandad again tells him he’s too young, anyway Johnny starts eating choc chip cookies, grandad says, “Can I have one?” Johnny says, “can you touch your аrsе with your реnis?” grandad says, “yeah” Johnny says, “go fuск yourself then.”

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Little Johnny Jokes Beer Jokes

"Johny, please, tell us, what do you do the whole day, so?"
"So, in the morning I cut the wood, sometimes with both hands, 5 minutes a day I play the guitar, to tell the truth. And in the afternoon I go to my garden to water the flowers. The lilies of the valleys and may-flowers I water most likely. Yes, they are really cute. Then I tear the leaflets to find out if the neighbor (her husband is not at home) loves me or not. The last time it came out that she loves me, fuск."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Music and Musician Jokes Love Jokes

Johny is the first day in jail in the cell with one mighty and a crazy prisoner and this crazy prisoner tells Johny:
"You probably do not know that on the first day must every new prisoner must pass over the so-called welcome´s ceremonial. Ok, so I ask you directly. Do you want it with cream or without the cream?"
Johny says:
"I want it with creme, of course."
The crazy prisoner yells and says:
"Cremo, come here, please."

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Sex Jokes Prison Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes